The Mistress

The Mistress.
It was never a matter of when I saw him. He saw me first. Across the room. He knew it was me from far away. Maybe it was the way I was dressed. He saw me from far away and approached me, especially calm. First he caressed me gently, testing me. It was the way I felt that made him fall for me. Then he hopped right on top of me. That is when I knew he loved me. I hugged him as best I could, I think he felt the warmth. I fell in love. Love at first sight. Love at first touch.
We waited the first few nights. I needed to move in. After that, though, it was easy sailing. We spent every night together, sometimes even well into the morning. Occasionally we would stay together until noon. Those were the best days. Usually the coldest days yet we felt warm, content with what we had. With each other.
He was 20 years old when we met. A young man moving out, needing a soul mate. We shed blood sweat and tears together. Now he is 23 and I can tell he still loves me by the way he caresses me gently at night. The way he tries to find excuses to spend time with me. When he spends hours and hours watching Netflix with me while eating chips and dip.
I always wondered why he, a fit, athletic guy, would choose me, a big, wide girl. A girl who looks more like a king than a queen. In the end, it's not about looks, is it? It is about what is on the inside. On the inside I am soft, comforting, giving.
We had everything. Love, joy, contentment. I was there for him when he was sad and when he was happy, when he was angry, and when he was content. I saw his good side and his evil side, when he prayed and when he did the things he had to ask for forgiveness from. It is okay though. That's how love works. Maybe one day we will get married one day. Maybe not. Either way we are in love and will be forever.
Some days he comes home late, smelling like alcohol and smoke. He says that it was a wild party. My only question is, why didn't he bring me with him? Why did he not bring his love with him to have fun? Is he cheating on me? Why doesn't he answer me when I ask him? Where did his promises go? Why doesn't he want me to come with him? Is there a girl that he met at the party?
It's been a few weeks that he hasn't gone to a party or come home smelling like alcohol or smoke. He has spent more time with me. Mostly studying with me. We read Philosophy 101 and write an endless number of notes together. Some might think studying isn't romantic, I beg to differ. Studying is a great way to spend time together with someone.
One thing I don't understand is that he used to spend more time on homework and continuously told me that it was important for his future, and now he spends more time on his phone than on studying. Who am I kidding? He spends more time on his phone than with me. He is texting continuously. Who is so important to him that he needs to text that person this much. Why does he giggle every now and then? What is so funny? Why won't he show me his phone?
Where was he last night? Why did he come home with a smile and come to me without telling me anything? Why, oh why does he smell like another woman? He doesn't wear perfume. Who is the slut who is taking my man? I will tear her apart.
He still texts her. He still doesn't let me see his phone. He doesn't love me. Does he? His touch says he does and sometimes he spends a lot of time with me. Other times he wakes up and dresses nicely. He says he needs to go to work. Who is work? Does he love her more than he loves me?
He comes home late. Often drunk. Smelling like cheap drinks. Is he cheating or is he depressed? Do I need to comfort him? I do. Every night. Why do we only see each other seldom? Only at night time. Isn't love supposed to be unconditional? If so, why does he leave so soon and come home so late?
Now he not only texts but leaves in dressy-casual clothes (date) clothes. He goes when he says he doesn't need to go to work. Does he have multiple women other than me? Is there a collection? He sometimes leaves and doesn't come back until the next day. Usually coming home smelling like sweat mixed with perfume. Is he sleeping with someone else? Why does he have such a secretive life? Why don't I hear about his life out of the house?

Ok, so now I have found out that "work" is not a woman, but a means of making money. I realise now that I have been overreacting slightly. Especially because "work" took most of his time. I am still his number one priority. He just wants to be able to take care of me. He hasn't slept over somewhere else for a few weeks. Maybe I was just imagining things. Everything seems well. Maybe we can be in love like when we saw each other first. Love prevails. I will hold onto him forever.

Why did I have to think about how good the future can be? The day after I open my mind and think that everything is good, he comes home with a woman. A dark haired, skinny, hot woman. Who am I in comparison?

It was 10 pm when I heard his car approach. I felt relieved until I heard her, until I heard their lips make noisy contact, until he opened the door and made his way to the same bedroom we have slept in for years. The sound of her dress zipper making its way down her back didn't sound quiet to me but as loud as a hurricane and just as destructive. Who do they think they are? What is he thinking? Why does he want to throw away a perfectly good relationship for this, this sorry excuse for a lady? Why doesn't he stop? Why doesn't he stop even after I scream at him and threaten him? Does he not see me? Does he not hear me? I watch, helplessly. The gentle, yet violent sway of love... of lust, desire. Why are they sleeping in the same spot we used to sleep? Where does he want me to sleep? Does he want me to just watch as my love shares intimacy with another woman?
She's staying for breakfast? Where is this man's logic? Does he think that when she leaves we can just go back to normal? Why is he treating her like a girlfriend? A good morning kiss, bacon and eggs made and plated up nicely. I didn't even know he could cook, he always had takeaways or ate out. Why so fancy? Was this a fling or does he love her? Why is he throwing away my love? Why is he chasing after someone else, even though I am in the house still? Why is he chasing after someone else, period?
So, she leaves around noon, right after they watch a movie together, no, right after they begin to watch a movie and somehow finish without any clothes on. After she leaves, not without a goodbye kiss, my man, my "love" comes to me and lies with me. Why does he think I don't know what he has done? Why does he act like nothing happened? Where has his love gone? Where does he think I am?
He spent the night with me, seemingly forgetting what had happened last night? Does he even have a heart? Changing who he spends the night with every night? Who does he think he is to think I won't forget? Just you wait, I will get him back. I will start planning for the perfect revenge. I need to destroy both him and his new mistress, his whore.
She came over again today. They watched a movie. This time they managed to keep their clothes on. I was watching. I need to know their every move so that I can perfectly plan my revenge. I need to dig into their heads so they don't expect it. The next morning, they were still in the living room cuddling on the couch. The innocence is making me sick. They eat breakfast, another fancy concoction of love from my lover to his new lover. I have lost my appetite. I won't eat today. Then again, I never do.
She's staying!? Why is she allowed in this house? He never talked to me about this! Oh, great and now she's bringing in her bags. Unpacking, stocking our cupboards with her things, squeezing my clothes out of the way. Does she think she owns this place? The place my love and I built to what it is now. Does she think she can just take over? Does she think I am just going to roll over? For her!?
Two weeks in and I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do for my revenge, but it involves a certain situation. I need to wait for the perfect time to not just carry out my revenge but to murder them. To kill two lovers in their sin, to expose the wolf in this lamb's clothing.
A month since she moved in. Cue first fight. It was ugly. There was screaming, swearing, threatening. What was it about? What are they arguing about? About me? Does she finally acknowledge my existence? Did he finally tell her? Wait, he is defending me? Does he still hold a little bit of love for me? Does he want to get rid of her? Do they want to stop this sin? This gross demonstration of "love" as they call it?
Nope. She's still here. It has been two months now since she moved in, and nothing has changed. Sure, they have the periodic argument, but they don't seem to be budging. Time to act but I need to wait for them to be in position. Everything is set up; I just need two parts to play along, two unexpecting lovers to fall into their trap.
She came home one day with groceries. In one of her bags she had toiletries. She left most of the bags in the kitchen and came to the bedroom with the toiletries bag. She reached in and grabbed a box. What did it say? She took something out and threw it towards me. She took the object to the bathroom. Shoot, it's upside down. I hear a scream, followed by some vulgar language. I am startled. The box had bounced off me and landed, text side up. Pregnancy test!? Is she pregnant? With my man? They are going to get what is coming to them. I will kill them; I will kill them and then rip the baby out of her womb.
She called him after the ordeal. She sounded calm. She waited a while and then broke into tears. Is she sad? Did he break up with her? What is he saying? I hear her saying excitedly, "we are going to have a baby." She isn't sad.
He comes home soon after, immediately embracing her. They seem happy. Happier than he ever was with me. I am going to murder her and make him watch his lover and child die next to him, and then I will kill him too.
It was that night that they loved each other once more. I guess they thought they should make the most of it before she becomes too big. It's perfect. Everything lines up perfectly. I can kill her. I just need to let them finish their sin. I need them to be still.
They finish, she rolls down next to him. Time to act. I lash. Fuck, she moved. My metal, spiral weapon clips her back, just enough to cause a slight injury. She screams in pain. They are both awake. I try to blend but I feel like I stand out. He stares at me, wide eyed. Her back is bleeding, not much but enough for her to be hurting. Am I exposed? There is something that he is staring at that is on me. Oh, that's right. The weapon.
Why hasn't he called the cops? All he did was tend to her back and migrated over to the couch. They sleep there, and the next morning they wake up, calm as ever. They leave the house. Where are they going?
After about two hours, they returned. A large truck came into the driveway behind them. They opened the truck and brought a bed out. They brought it in as far as they could and then dragged me out.
I woke up in an alleyway smelling like puke and urine. I looked around. I could see a few people. Who are they? They aren't my ex lover and his new partner. They look dirty. They smell worse. Have they had a shower lately? Why do they smell like five-year-old cheese and rotten fish? Why is there a stench and why is there so much dirt on them? I look around for an indication of where I am, anything. I see a bridge above me. I see a lot of garbage and makeshift housing. What is this place? Why can't I get out?
It's a homeless camp. I've been here for a month and seen endless amounts of dirty people come and go. They slept with me without my consent. They caressed me without me giving them permission. I need to get out, but how? What should I do? How can I face up against an army and run? Is it possible? It might be, if my legs weren't physically gone. Yes, they took off my legs somehow. How can I plan? What should I do?
It was 6 months in and I had to do something. I lashed out and my metal, spiraled weapon pierced a woman who decided to lay with me. She screamed then stopped screaming, her body went limp. I am covered in blood. I don't like blood. I black out.
I wake up smelling like garbage. All I can see is garbage. Where am I? What is this terrible place? There are no people around, just machines. I am stuck in a desert of black garbage bags and dirty diapers.
One year and I am still here. My mind has become dead, my skin become dry and cracked. My body is old. It is disintegrating. There will be no me soon. I lost a love, but he, in turn, lost me, his first, his favorite, does he miss me? Does he miss my first touch? Our first night? Anything?