The Disgruntled Elf

He said, "You don't have, the spirit of Christmas." Bah!

What I don't have is a reason to feel "Jolly". It's not like I have rainbows following me around. There are no Sugar Plum fairies frolicking in my dreams.

How long have I have been working for him now? Hell, since I could pick up a screw driver. Talk about child labor. And imagine, in some places he's known as Saint Nick, if they only knew even a little bit of the truth. There's nothing saintly about him.

Oh yeah, He spreads joy across the world. He gives to everyone who is not on the naughty list. I say, "It takes one to know one." When I fell and broke my leg trying to load his sleigh with all those toys, the Fat Man wouldn't even give me a day off.

It's not so bad being born an Elf, it's actually pretty horrible. But being an Elf with one leg shorter than the other will make all your days far tougher.

Last year he told me I was a Star employee. Now he wants to make an example of me? Old Claus has gone too far this time.

One good thing about being an Elf is you're sure to be trained to be a power tool expert. Well today, my tool of choice is a chainsaw. The first thing I'm taking out is that stupid sleigh.