Friendships Lost

When I first saw you, I went crazy trying to impress you. You picked me up, hugged me and I kissed your face as much as you'd let me. I couldn't believe that out of all my brothers and sisters, you picked me! I was out of my mind ecstatic!

You brought me to your home, gave me new toys, new food, a new home, and a new bed all to myself. I was used to sleeping with my mom and siblings though, so even though the new bed was soft, it was very cold and lonely. I just wanted you to comfort me, to be near you. When I whimpered, you picked me up and held me. You let me sleep with you. You felt so warm that I forgot that I was missing my mother. It felt so good to be that loved. During the day you played with me. We went for walks and played in the park. At night, I sat nestled on the couch with you while you watched television. I was in heaven.

Months went by and I grew bigger. Struggles I first had with stairs were a thing of the past. I could reach things now that I used to only wish I could. The smells that tempted me were now within reach. Then I learned of your anger. It came so quick. I wish I knew what you were yelling at me, but the language was not my own, so I would guess what it was you were mad at. Luckily though, I usually guessed right. I would do anything to make you happy. You were my world. When you would leave, I would lay around lonely, waiting for you to walk through that door so that I could love you more. When you came through the door, I would show you how much I missed you. I showed you all the love that I saved up all day while you were gone. You seemed so happy to see me too.

You started to ignore me. I wasn't allowed in your bed anymore. When you came through the door, you were too busy for me to show you all the love I saved for you. You got mad at me for things I never understood. You ignored me and yelled at me. Our daily walks turned into occasional ones. Then you brought home that chain for outside. When you left for the day, I was chained up out there. It was great at first. There was new smells to discover, fresh air, sunshine to lay in. Besides, when you came home, you would take me inside with you. The days it rained weren't so great, but then you brought me something I could go into to escape the wind and rain. It worked pretty good, unless the wind was blowing right into it. Then I couldn't escape it unless I hid behind it instead of inside it. Besides, I knew soon as you came home, I would be in the house with you, showing you my love and feeling your love for me.

Then one day you came home and went straight inside without coming to get me. All the love I saved up for you was inside me. I cried out to you. You yelled for me to shut up. I didn't know what to do. I was heartbroken. That night I had to try to find warmth once the sun went down. The noises changed. The birds were no longer singing. The squirrels I loved to bark at didn't come around anymore. The warm sunshine was replaced with the cold night air. I was so scared. I thought, maybe they just forgot I was out here? I don't know how you could. How could you watch television without me by your side to keep you safe and warm? How could you sleep in that large bed without me by your side to protect you? How could you forget me? I barked and barked, reminding you that I was outside all alone in the scary dark. You told me to shut up, but you never came to get me. The next day you came to bring me some food and water. I got a pat on the head. I love the feel of you stroking my head. It was too short though. You walked away leaving me there. I tried to go with you, but the chain ripped at my neck. I barked and barked, wanting to go with you, but you just left me there.

The weather grew colder. I thought for sure you would rescue me from the cold and rain. I knew you'd love me and bring me inside to the warmth and comfort of my family. You didn't. Even when the snow came, you put itchy yellow smelly straw in my ugly new home. Sure, it was warmer then before, but it made my skin itch an my nose hurt from the smell. I would spend my days wondering what I did to make you not love me anymore. My heart was broken. I gave up and just hung my head. I would bark at anything that was free to roam the way I wanted to. I was lonely. I was cold. I was scared. I was watching you walk by, leaving me alone in the yard. What did I do? What could I do to make you love me?

I tried to show you how much I loved you. I tried to be happy whenever you came out to see me, but you still left me behind. You didn't care that the bugs were biting me; that the wind chilled me; that I was lonely out there by myself, year after year; winter after winter.

My body ached. My skin hurt. My eyes no longer worked like they once did. I only seen shadows and shapes that passed by me. I no longer cared about them. I just laid in the yard, on the end of that ugly chain. No longer on the grass, that disappeared years ago. Now only mud that would get stuck in my paws was there. I lost you. You no longer cared. I don't know why you didn't love me. I tried to love you with everything in me. I lost all hope. I would dream of our life before; when you still loved me. Maybe if I laid down, and kept dreaming of your love for me, I wouldn't miss it so.

I woke up and stretched; it felt weird. Usually when I stretched, I would feel the pull of my chain, but that wasn't there today. I tried walking. My bones weren't hurting today. I could no longer feel the bugs and flies that usually bit at me. There was a strange dog laying in my spot. I went over and nudged at him, but he wouldn't move. He just laid there. I barked and barked but no one came to yell at me. I was no longer on the chain. I ran around the yard, feeling the grass beneath my feet. It felt so much better then the mud.

I seen you come outside. I went to greet you, but you walked right by me. You walked up to that dog lying in the mud. He didn't greet you, but you knelt down and hugged him and began to cry. Why didn't you hold me like that? Why did you ignore me? I love you so much! I ran to you, but you were so heartbroken, holding that other dog. You called it by my name. I wasn't there, I was here. I wasn't lying there in the mud, on the end of that chain, I was beside you. I can hear you say how sorry you were for ignoring me and just leaving me outside, but they were just words, I couldn't feel them. No matter how much I wanted to feel your love, I no longer could. I was not that dog you were holding. That dog died of a broken heart.