What Wouldn't I Give?

On cold wint’ry eves the sun sinks to the ground,
And twilight slips into her indigo gown,
I tilt my face skyward, think, “What wouldn’t I give?”
To go back to when Jordan still had two weeks to live.
Two weeks, not so much Lord, it’s all that I’ll ask,
Is that too much, Father? Too big of a task?
If only I’d known on that day by the sea
That his time was so short, I'd have pulled him to me
And told him the secrets of loving a boy
That brought me such angst, such heartache, such joy
I’d relive every day since the night he was born
And shelter him safe from the oncoming storm
A storm that brewed near as we sat on that dock
With time winding down, a whisper-soft ticking-tock
If only I’d known as we sat knee to knee
On a creaking wood platform over blue Carib sea
That 12 days from then was the day he would die
I never, ever, ever would have told him goodbye
Jordan, please know that wherever you are,
You’re always right here, always close, never far
I search every night in a diamond-filled sky
And imagine you beyond here, soaring so high
If only it were possible, what would I not give
To go back to the time you had 4 days to live
I could see you were happy, brand new ride, new career…
You came through my door, smiling face, ear to ear
I hugged you so tightly, for the last time to hold
My second-born son with his long curls of gold
“I fly out tomorrow!” I called, “at quarter to one!”
You lived 4 more short days and your work here was done
What wouldn’t I give to go back into time,
To hold you again? To reclaim what was mine?
To turn back the clock and beg God please let you live…
What wouldn’t I give, God? What wouldn’t I give?