Admitting we are powerless

This is the first step in any recovery program. It is one of the most difficult to admit. Our egos do not like being bashed and bruised, but then neither does our bodies with whatever addiction that we have been consuming either. We struggle to keep it all together and put up a huge front to anyone and everyone, most of all ourselves.

We have found sanctuary in our addictions, they make us feel safe and protected, they lie to us every single day, we are not safe and protected, we are scared and defenseless. We do not want to give in and keep going with the illusions of whatever it is we want people to see. Unfortunately, everyone around us can see the addiction eating away at us and feel helpless to help us. They have probably talked about how they feel and what they see what is happening, but we have not been listening.

It's not until one day, we finally realize that we have been beaten, that we are at our rock bottom and do not think we can go on, we feel that we have nobody to turn to, we feel lost and alone. A light bulb moment will happen, something clicks in our brains, it's like we are waking up for the first time and listening to the universe, its giving us a sign that we can be helped.

It can be a fleeting feeling something that is just flickering slowly, or it could be a flash of bright light so blinding that we feel the need to cover our eyes. For most it will be a fleeting feeling for a long time. We will know that there is something wrong with us, we will try to trick ourselves into believing that we can change. We will move houses, jobs and friends to keep from feeling like we not like everyone else, before that flash of light blinds us into remission. When the light has faded and we are left with the reality, that is when we will begin to heal, we will admit that we are powerless over our addiction.

Learning to be powerless over our addictions can make us stronger and more confident. There will be a lot of crying and soul searching, ego will want to kick in and tell us that we are fine and that we do not really have a problem. Seeking out others who have admitted to being powerless and who have come through the other side is one of the best ways to tame your ego. Listen to their stories, hear the common threads between their stories and your own. Keep going forward even when your fear and anxiety want to pull you back. You will feel beaten and bruised for a long time.

If you are faced with your ego again, telling you pleading with you to just do it once, just once, then remember what you would be losing if you took that step backwards. You could lose everything and then must admit you were powerless again and must start all over again. Some will remain powerless for their lives, falling back into their addictions every time. They are the unfortunates of the world.

It will get easier, you will come out the other side, when you have your first anniversary, you will wake up and feel like a cloud has lifted and your life is like a bright sunny day. Every moment, hour, day, week, month and year will be a test, but be grateful every day for not giving in, rejoice in knowing that you are not that person anymore, stay strong not only for yourself, but for those you love as well. Keep learning, keep listening and keep strong.