The Stalking Wife Incident

“Hey, Jack!” Dick yelled out from his mini-van as he pulled into Jack’s driveway to drop off his daughter, Nell, for an afternoon birthday party. Jack was just about to walk into the house as Dick pulled into the driveway. Dick rolled to a stop and got out.

“Hey, Dick!” Jack yelled back. He stepped back off the porch toward Dick’s van. Finally, dropping off Nell for the party?” Dick was getting Nell out of the back seat just as Jack walked up.

“Yep. Nell’s been bugging me all week about this party. Every day it’s been ‘Daddy, you’ll get me there on time won’t you?’ Not to mention, ‘We can’t forget to bring the present with us. I don’t want to be the only one without present for Sarah!’ So naturally, we left the house without the present and had to turn around. Couldn’t come without a present, right, Sweetie?”

Jack laughed and took Nell’s present for Sarah from her. “Well, little lady you’re still a little early and you’ve got a present for Sarah, so I guess your old man did OK, huh?”

Nell looked at Jack with a grin and said, “He just needs help remembering, that’s all. Can I go in now?”

“Sure can. Sarah’s in the family room helping her mom finish up getting ready for the party.” Jack handed the present back to Nell and she took off straight through the yard, not caring about the sidewalk just to her right. “Too slow!” she would have told them.

“So, Dick, whatcha got planned with all your free time tonight? Got a hot date or anything?”

“Ah, no. No such luck. No, I’m going to stop for some Chinese food on the way home, gorge on it and maybe take a nap. After that I may have a snack and work on nap #2.” Dick gave Jack a half grin and handed Nell’s overnight backpack to him.

“When did you become an old man,” Jack teased him.

“About 5 minutes after you did of course.” Dick teased him back and climbed back into the van to head home. “I’ll be by around noon tomorrow to pick up Nell if that’s OK with you.”

“Sure, that’s fine. She can stay as long as she wants really. They get lost in their own little world. Don’t cause any trouble at all, so you can pick her up later if you want.”

“Thanks, Jack. I’ll check in and see how they’re doing before I come over. Have fun with all the kids tonight!” Dick backed out of Jack’s driveway and turned toward his favorite place to eat, China Inn. Dick had been going there since just after it opened when he was in college. The owner still remembered what he liked to order and always greeting him by name if she was there when he came in. Of course, the only drawback was that it also reminded Dick of his ex-wife, Jane. Even after all this time of being apart, it didn’t take much to jog his memories of her and tug at his heart.

“Well, this was a great idea,” Dick muttered to himself as he left the restaurant. He got back in the van to head home, not a little disgusted with himself. He sat there behind the wheel, not moving. This sort of thing didn’t happen every time he came to China Inn or even other places he strongly associated with his wife. Ex-wife. But it could happen at any of them at any time. Yeah. Dick still had feelings for her. Even after all that had happened between them, he still wished things had worked out differently.

Dick took a deep breath and shook his head like he was clearing the cobwebs, which he was, the relationship cobwebs that still drew his mind back to his marriage. Usually the melancholy could be banished as quickly as it came. Usually. Dick started the van and got on his way home. He had dinner, movies and some napping that needed taking care of ahead of him.

Dick pulled into his driveway and parked in front of the garage at the back of the house. He paused, takeout in hand and the van door poised to shut and stared at the garage. Once again, he thought he should take some time to clean out the garage so he could park in it again. It’s not like most of it wasn’t going to the DAV or the St. Vincent De Paul store. Most of the...junk he supposed...belonged to his ex-wife at one time.

“And here we go again, Dickie-Boy,” he said in a low voice. Dick supposed it was going to be one of those days where he was just going to have to deal with his memories of Jane and how badly it had ended between them. Well, between them and Nell. All three of them really. Jane was different at the end or their marriage, not at all the same woman he had romanced and eventually won.

She was crazy at the end.

Literally.

When Dick married Jane about 10 years ago, they had been happy. Even happier when Nell was born. Then the postpartum depression set in. Jane had been gregarious and always doing something with friends or Dick. After Nell that changed with the depression. She stopped wanting to go out or to have anything to do with old friends, Dick or even Nell.

This turned to paranoia and jealousy. Dick had to care for Nell alone, which he didn’t mind at all. He adored his little girl. Then Jane got jealous of all the time he spent with Nell. The jealousy grew, and Jane became paranoid too. She accused Dick of purposely trying to push her out of Nell’s life. Jane even accused Dick of trying to replace her if he even talked to another woman in passing or as part of his work.

Jane was the one to file for divorce. She didn’t want anything and took almost nothing from the marriage. She just wanted away from people who didn’t want her she told the judge. So all of her stuff ended up in the garage. It hurt Nell to see her mom’s stuff where she left it, like she was coming back from a trip to the store. But she never did and that was too hard on Nell day after day.

Jane wasn’t coming back. Ever. Jane had tried to hurt herself and had been committed to Our Lady of Peace. It only got worse once she was there. Jane was mired in a delusional world where Dick had stolen her baby girl from her and everything that had happened was his fault and no one else’s.

Dick turned away from the garage, a little sad and a lot guilty. He always thought he should have been able to do more for Jane. She was Nell’s mom after all. He also knew the garage wouldn’t be touched any time soon. It hurt him to see all of Jane’s stuff too.

Dick couldn’t see the side door of the garage from the driveway unless he turned around to look at it once he was on the back porch. He didn’t notice that the door was slightly ajar and the light was on in the garage. Nor was he able to see the boxes of Jane’s things open and things scattered around the floor.

Dick dropped his takeout and keys on the counter and started to get something to put his Double-Cooked Pork into when he had to pause. He cocked his head almost like he was listening for a faint sound, but he was just taking in the house and its atmosphere. There was something off. Dick wasn’t sure what, but there was some faint thing that wasn’t the same as when he left the house. He couldn’t put his finger on it though. It didn’t seem wrong so much as different. Dick turned around slowly to survey the part of the house he could see. Nothing seemed out of place. No creaking noises and no odd sounds came to his ear. Nothing was missing or broken that he could see.

Dick decided there wasn’t anything going on even though that feeling remained. Probably just the after-effects of thinking about Jane and stirring up his melancholia. He grabbed a Bourbon Barrel Ale from the refrigerator to go with dinner and went into the living room to watch some TV and eat. Nothing was amiss here either it seemed. Shoving those thoughts aside Dick turned on the television and began flipping though the DVR to see what could be watched. Most of it was shows Nell had recorded, stuff Dick bore patiently for her sake. Finally he found a movie he recorded last week that he hadn’t watched yet.

There wasn’t much he watched on TV anymore. Between his freelance work and caring for Nell, there really wasn’t a lot of time left over for anything. He’d still scan the guide for old movies or things he hadn’t seen yet, but didn’t follow any regular shows. Dick was more of a black and white classic Hollywood kind of guy. Give him Myrna Loy, William Powell, Cary Grant and anything made in the 30s or 40s any day over most of the crap Hollywood produced. Dick settled in to watch his movie and eat dinner, and he let go of his uneasy feeling about something being different. He figured it wasn’t worth dwelling on either. His thoughts about Jane persisted though.

As he watched The Thin Man Returns, Dick realized he was doing one of those things Jane never cared for in the beginning of their relationship and despised in the end. For all of the melancholia tonight this made him smile a little. Jane never liked it when Dick would come home with Chinese take-out, sometimes for both of them but often for just himself, plant himself in his recliner in front of the TV with a beer and his take-out so he could veg out in front of his “old-fart movies” as she called them. Oh, she’d join him once in a while and enjoy the ones he picked out for the two of them; but this was really Dick’s thing to do, not hers. She humored him.

At first that is. After Nell came along, Jane came to hate this part of his life too. It was yet another thing he supposedly didn’t want her a part of. It was one more thing that he kept to himself she thought. That had always made him a little sad. Dick looked to his left at the empty recliner. That was hers. He’d never tried to keep her from this. Dick loved it when they’d both sit down to dinner and an old movie. That’s why she had humored him at first. Jane didn’t care about the movies so much or eating in the living room, except when he left the dishes and empty bottles in there. She just didn’t understand his fascination with the old movies. By today’s standards they were often sexist, simplistic and, well... boring.

For Dick none of that mattered. The movies were purer and cleaner. To Dick they evoked a simpler time, real or not, where motives, emotions and who the good guys and bad guys are were seldom hidden. Plus, he just liked the atmosphere in them, the clothes, the cars and the buildings seemed to be more authentic to him. Jane even bought that fedora for him because she knew how much he wanted to wear one like they did in the movies. That fedora hung on the coat rack by the front door now. He still loved a good fedora, but couldn’t bring himself to wear that one anymore. It was one of his triggers that brought on the sadness.

Eventually, as it usually happened, Dick dozed off somewhere in the middle of the second movie. A full stomach, a Bourbon Barrel Ale and a recliner, not to mention a quiet house, all contributed to it. Dick was asleep within 30 minutes of the start of it. Never failed. That’s why he never watched one he was really anxious to see for his second movie. He hated falling asleep during those, but he would. Safer to watch one he enjoyed, but wouldn’t mind if he fell asleep during it.

Dick was startled awake by something. It wasn’t a noise like in the movies. That feeling that something was different was back and it was stronger. Looking around, he still couldn’t figure out what it was. He glanced over at the television and realized his movie was over and that he must have missed half of it. No surprise there. He could always start again and fast forward to the last part he remembered if he felt like it.

He got up to take the remains of his dinner back to the kitchen. He didn’t see it anywhere. Not on the side table or the coffee table. Nothing fell on the floor that he could see. Where did they go? Confused, Dick walked into the kitchen. The plate and glass were both rinsed and in the sink already. Did he do that? Jane used to get on him about leaving dishes in the living room when he was watching TV. Maybe it was all more ingrained than he thought. He didn’t remember getting up to take care of the dishes, but he must have.

“Dick, old boy, you are starting to lose your memory. You’ll be diagnosed with Old-Timers soon enough. And talking to yourself probably isn't a good sign either,” he laughed.

Dick started walking back to the living room struggling to remember taking the dishes. No luck. When he returned to his chair, he reached for the remote to see what else was on, but the remote wasn’t on the side table any more. It was in the basket of remotes on the coffee table. The TV was off too.

“OK. I KNOW I didn't turn off the television before I went to the kitchen, and I’m positive I didn’t put the remote back in the bas...”

Dick stopped suddenly in mid sentence. That was something else Jane was always complaining about. He almost never put the remote in the basket when he wasn’t using it and often left the television on all the time. She hated that at the end. He whirled around suddenly and realized what was different. There was a scent in the air. It was very subtle, but it was there. It was the air freshener that Jane used to spray the house with all the time. Even though she wouldn't have anything to do with Nell when she was a baby, she despised the smells. Well, Dick could sympathize there, but she was almost obsessive about spraying that damned air freshener all the time.

THAT’S what was different. It was as if it had been sprayed all over hours ago and could barely be smelled anymore unless you were trying to notice it or walked somewhere it still lingered just enough to be detected. Now that he was “searching” for it, Dick was certain he could smell it.

In a hurry and not a little nervous, Dick went through all the rooms on the first floor and turned on all the lights. Each room was the same, except that subtle aroma of air freshener. Nothing. No one else was there. Dick went down to his basement and checked there. Nothing. Back on the first floor he started toward the stairs to the second floor. He stopped short as he glanced at the front door. The coat rack usually had whatever was the most recent seasonal coat or jacket hanging on it plus an umbrella for rainy days. Of course it also had his fedora.

Or at least it was supposed to. It was missing. Dick hadn’t worn it since the divorce and it always stayed on the coat rack. Even Nell never bothered it anymore, even though she thought Dick was funny-looking when he used to wear it. Gone where though? When he was still married, it had hung on a peg by the back door near the key rack, so he’d remember to grab it on the way out. That was when he used to wear it all the time. It was where Jane was constantly putting it when he’d leave it on the kitchen table or counter top when he came home. Dick just couldn’t always put it on the peg for some reason, so Jane did it for him. At least, she had until things started going bad. Then it was left wherever Dick put it. This time he was sure he’d put it on the coat rack moths ago and never touched it again.

Dick turned around again moving down the hall toward the back door until he could see it. There it was. On the peg. The fedora was on the peg and his keys were hanging on the rack just as if Jane had taken care of them like she used to. That couldn’t be. He had checked almost everyone, but there was still one place that he hadn’t been. Upstairs in the bedrooms.

Dick started up the stairs to check up there. Surely Jane wasn’t really here. It had to be his nerves didn’t it? Jane was still locked in Our Lady of Peace the last he heard. How long ago was that? He had talked to her parents about 6 weeks ago when he picked up Nell from a trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s for the weekend. They didn’t usually talk about Jane. It was too painful for all of them.

Just as Dick got to the top of the stairs, he heard a soft creak down below. It sounded like a door opening and closing. There was a faint click as it shut completely. He froze. Closet maybe? He hadn’t thought to look through the closets when he swept the first floor. There really is someone here he thought to himself. He worked his way back downstairs to see who was here. Dick wished he had thought to get the pistol out of his lock box before coming downstairs though. If there was an intruder, he’d feel better armed. Even if the intruder was his ex-wife, Jane. Especially if the intruder was his ex-wife, Jane. He stood at the bottom of the stairs wavering between going back upstairs for his pistol and searching the first floor again.

“What the hell,” he thought to himself. Discretion is the better part of valor. Better to have and not need than to need and not have. Dick turned and crept back up the steps, skipping the third one. That one had always made a noise no matter where you stepped on it. Dick didn’t want to let the intruder (Jane) know he was headed back upstairs. At the top of the stairs he remembered he’d left his phone next to his chair where he fell asleep. Yet another thing he should have thought to grab. Like a lot of people, Dick didn’t see the point of having a land line in the house. He had his own cell, and Nell was too young to need one since she was never alone at home. He wished he’d kept the land line now. It would be so easy to call the cops from the bedside phone he used to keep.

Dick went into his bedroom and turned on the light. He stopped cold, his heart nearly jumping up his throat. The bedroom was different. It was laid out like it used to be before Jane ended up in Our Lady of Peace. The bed had been moved to the other side of the room and made. Dick almost never made the bed. He didn’t see the need to. It was just him and Nell. Dick almost never had female companionship at the house, and never over night. He didn’t want to confuse Nell with something like that. How do you explain to your daughter that her mother is a little whackadoodle in the head and you’re out shopping for her replacement?

Dick went over to the closet to get his gun lockbox. It had a fingerprint scanner and a keycode so Nell couldn’t get into it. He pulled the lockbox down from the top shelf where he kept it, away from Nell’s curious eyes and hands. As Dick pulled it down, he immediately thought it felt light. Dreading what he might see, Dick took the box to the foot of the bed and sat down. He pressed his thumb to the fingerprint scanner and heard the lock click open. He opened the lid to an empty case. The pistol, second magazine and the half full box of ammunition were gone.

How?! He was the only one who had the code or the right fingerprint!

It was then he realized his third and possibly final mistake. He never changed the keycode. Jane had known the code of course. Could she have remembered it all this time? Of course she could. She had. Jane really was in the house. That was bad enough. Now he was pretty sure she was armed with his fully loaded pistol, the spare magazine and another half box of bullets. There was no way anyone else could get that box open without destroying it in the process. This was pristine. Just as he had left it the last time he came back from the range. Except now it was empty and his pistol was in the hands of a woman who hated him and their daughter. At least he was about 99% sure it was Jane downstairs.

Dick laid the box aside and tried to think. He couldn’t have much time left before Jane came for him. She had to know he had gone upstairs when he didn’t appear below. He looked around the room for something he could use as a weapon. There. In the corner by the door. Jane couldn’t have seen it when she came up here, because the open door would have blocked it. Dick’s softball bat. It was aluminum and very painful if you got hit by it. Dick knew because the idiot on his team who played right field had taken some wild practice swings and clocked him a good one. If the guy had been any stronger, Dick would have been taken to the hospital. As it was he had a huge goose egg on the back of his head for a week after that.

Dick got up and pulled the door back. Yep. There it was. Right where he left it with his ball glove. He grabbed the bat with a white knuckle grip and started for the stairs again. As he got to the top of the stairs he heard a voice ring out from below that he thought he’d never hear again. If he was lucky.

“Turns out Dick old boy, you are NOT lucky,” he said to himself.

“Diiiii-ick! Are you ever going to come downstairs? I’ve fixed us a little nightcap before bedtime darling! Don’t make me wait too much longer, or I won’t be in the mood to give you your surprise.”

Holy crap Dick thought to himself. She’s still bat-crap crazy, only in a new way. And she had his pistol. Was she going to be violent? Did she want to shoot him? Dick probably couldn’t get past her to either door. It sounded like she was probably near the stairs when she called out.

Taking a deep breath, Dick took the first step down the stairs and into the lion’s den of crazy that was his ex-wife.

God help him.