Mediocre

So I'm mediocre then. Heh, I guess I should have expected as much. I can't find out why my mind will not work. My mind will not work. My mind is stuck in static. My heart is fleeting, my stomach, hungry.

I breathe every moment of life as my soul penetrates through my bowels. What am I? Am I special? Am I normal? Am I human? I don't know anymore. I just know that I exist as an impure human begging for someone to help me.

help.

help.

someone... help me.

I say this over and over again but I do not find myself receiving help. I find myself stuck... Trapped inside myself. I can't move forward, and I can't move back. I am stuck in limbo wondering 'Where did I go wrong?'

Oh god, what I have I done with my life?! I'm so wasteful. I am so unforgivable. I am so useless that I cannot find meaning anymore. I live purely to exist and nothing else! What sick tragedy is this?! What kind of book am I writing for my life?! I do not know anymore.

I am stuck.

help.

help.

Somebody... help... me.

But no one comes. Only no one will come.

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Part 2

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When will loneliness go away? Why am I left in the dark? Why does everyone participate in something that I don't get the joy or pleasure of sharing in?

Do I have to force my way in? Do I need to let myself in? Am I too insane for this?

They know... They know.... They know...

For all they know... I am a footstep away from a suicide...

For all they know... I am just a mere shadow of a human spectacle...

For all they know... I am just a broken heart... Jack's little toy...

For all they know... I can just be dead... no one knows... no one cares...

For all they know... I am god's little puppet, his little entertainment...

Someone shut me out of all this... I am left out and I feel as though it is on purpose too...

God I am pitiful... a little chew-toy for people to play with...

A little monster no one can relate too...

A massive disgrace upon everything that the world never wanted...

A poor creation in the design of society...

society... society... society...

what the fuck does that even mean anyway?

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I'm alone...

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All alone...

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What am I suppose to do when the world is so blatantly obvious about the loneliness that I feel?

I am rude.
I am disgusting.
I am riddled with guilt.
I am screwed up in the head.
I am of silence.
I am of nothing.

All I wanted is nothing for my existence.

Not a shred or ounce of existence.

Nothing... nothing at all...