The Story of Hope Chapter Three

Chapter 3: In Which Amanda and I Decide We are Too Young to Become Moms and I Worry About Slut Counseling

Mental health was good. Decision wise I was also well on my way to being back on track. The good thing about college is I was so busy I didn’t have time to agonize over my decisions. My mistake was a really big one though and even though I did everything to put it behind me it weighed heavily on my mind for a while. Even though intercourse didn’t occur, my OCD was still freaking out about pregnancy so Thursday (less than 48 hours after the incident) Brandon and Emily walked me to Rite-Aid to get Plan B. I don’t think I could have ever asked for better friends or more loyal friends. Actually everyone was extremely supportive reassuring me that it was a good idea albeit probably an unnecessary one.

The pill said if you take it within 72 hours then it is 89% percent effective. There was also a very long list of possible side effects but thankfully I didn’t experience any except my legs went tingly (which freaked me out because I thought it was a blood clot. I worried more how I would explain it to my parents than the actual clot).

The part which pissed me off the most was that the pill was $50 (I actually needed to borrow $20 from Brandon so I would have enough). Guys always complain about all the money they have to spend on girls but what about these situations? I’d much rather be saddled with paying for a nice meal than the cost and stress of a possible pregnancy. But you know what costs more than that? A baby.

Amanda was actually worrying about the same thing- her and Derrick had sex several weeks ago and the condom broke but she didn’t take Plan B. Her period was due that week and she said if she didn’t get it that week she would start looking into abortion clinics. Her depression was also bad and she cut again. Thursday she went home for the weekend which I honestly think was the best thing to do. She also promised Derrick and I she would see the school counselor.

I’d been dealing with my own problems but I really tried to help her out. When I saw her after dinner and she told me her pregnancy worries I gave her a hug and told her no matter what happened we’d get through it together. At least she has Derrick.If (God forbid) I got pregnant, Josh was long gone. I hate him so much though I knew it was my fault too. Brandon and Derrick’s rage on my behalf was very comforting and I suspect my own would not dissipate for a long time.

Something not so fun happened around five that morning. I went to the bathroom and when I wiped myself I saw the toilet paper covered in a sticky brown kind of like blood but brown and not at all similar looking to my period (it was too soon to be my period anyway). I blanched when I saw that and immediately went into panic mode convinced maybe I had been pregnant and the baby was dying inside me or plan B had caused permanent, irreversible damage. I had visions of me dying in my sleep and then being found in a puddle of my blood.

I called Brandon who had told me to call him anytime day or night. Despite it being five in the morning he picked up on the second or third ring.

“Hello?” he said sounding confused, “What’s wrong?” I realized after I called him I didn’t want to explain what happened over the phone.

I said “I’ll text you” and hung up. I texted Brandon the situation telling him much I was freaking out. Honestly, this was a subject Brandon probably knew nothing about since he doesn’t have a vagina and the furthest he has gone is kissing. But at this point all I needed was common sense and Brandon provided that. He told me I needed to go to student health.

“But what if they think I’m a slut and make me go to slut counseling?” I asked him worriedly.

“Hope, I don’t think that’s a thing”

Finally he convinced me that it could wait until morning when I could go to student health and I calmed down enough to go back to sleep.

I went to student health first thing after math class this morning. Student health is really efficient. You can make an appointment in advance and even if you just have a walk in appointment you’ll be seen relatively soon.

My nurse practitioner was a sweet leady who listened without judgment while I explained the situation. She didn’t look disappointed or surprised at all. I guess she’s used to it, working at a college. She said it did sound like the side effects of the pill but had me take a urine test just in case (all STD tests and pregnancy tests showed up negative). If the bleeding was still going on by Monday or the abdominal pain got very severe she told me to come back. Until then I just got to suffer through it. It’s very similar to having my period. The cramps aren’t as bad as my period but they are there.

I swear to God if I ever see that douchebag again I’m going to take my tampon out from inside me and shove it down his throat until he chokes on it.

March 18th Dear Diary,

I know everyone says that the first semester of college takes adjustment but this semester has had a lot more curveballs-first Josh, then Derrick’s and Amanda’s depression and now…well you’ll see.

Last Friday Amanda messaged me asking for “female support”. The first time her and Derrick had sex the condom broke and her period was late so we went to Rite Aid to buy a pregnancy test and came back to LSC to take it in the bathroom. After two minutes of agony the test came back negative (thank God. Amanda really can’t handle an unplanned pregnancy right now). We had all this stress way built up from the anticipation of the test so we went back to Amanda’s room for a cuddle fest.

What happened next was…unusual. It is quite common for Derrick and Amanda to get carried away in front of me but Friday both of their attention (sexually) was focused on me entirely. I looked at Amanda as Derrick nuzzled my neck but I saw no sign of jealousy so I made up my mind to just enjoy it.

Later that night I went to Victoria’s apartment. Victoria’s roommates were away for Parade Day (a lot of people tried to leave campus tried to leave campus for that weekend) so it was just Victoria, Ethan (Victoria’s boyfriend) and their friend Alicia. It was a fun night- Alicia was a graduate of Scranton. She was also kind of crazy telling us stories involving drugs, alcohol and sex (she showed us all her new nipple ring) but she also was really sweet and nice and she was fun to talk to.

An hour into the evening Alicia said “I got a text from Alex. Can I invite him over?” Victoria looked at Ethan. Victoria and Alex are exes. Officially, they were only together a week but unofficially they were together for about four months. She broke up with him at the beginning of the school week a week after being together because she didn’t want commitment but they have hooked up several times since then so Ethan really didn’t want to see Alex there. But I don’t think he actually wanted to say that so he said it would be okay. I spoke up saying it might not be a great idea.

“He’s actually seen your Facebook photos, Hope” said Victoria “he says you’re cute and wants to flirt with you’
“Oh?” I was undeniably pleased (I had seen photos of him before. He was cute). “Invite him over” I told her.

“You selfish bitch” said Ethan.
When Alex arrived, Ethan leapt before any of us to get the door (I don’t think he ever met Alex before and he wanted to size up the competition). He needn’t have worried- I kept Alex occupied the whole night. Several other people arrived for a small party (including Mike) (thankfully the awkwardness seems to be gone Alex and I sat on the couch and talked for an hour before we finally made eye contact and he leaned in and we started kissing. According to Amanda, we kissed for an hour (the party was in the kitchen so we were mostly alone. Or at least off to the side).

Finally after someone (probably Victoria) yelled “Just take her back to your room Alex” Alex pulled back and looked at me. “Do you want to?” He asked. God, I did. So we walked across the street to his place (he lived in the Mulberry apartments next to the parking garage) and went to his room and…not sex but…you know. Then we fell asleep in each other’s arms.