A Mother Embarrassed...Yet Again!

A Mother Embarrassed...Yet Again!
THE SOFTBALL GAME and The Vagina...

The windows are open allowing a cool summer breeze to vent through the living room where I sit on the couch packing my daughters sports bag preparing for the next day jam packed with tournaments. My son has a concerned look on his face as he stands in front of me.
"What is it, Chase?" I ask.
He folds his hands together, looking quite nervous at this point leading me to believe something, somewhere, is broken.
"Nevermind." he says, as he turns to walk away. Running back he blurts out the question.
"How do babies come out of the belly?"
Here I am dumbfounded, wondering why at six years old this question is in need of an answer.

Chase is a very smart and logical thinking child. If he has trouble understanding anything, from why the sky is blue to why dogs have tails and we dont, he will hunt down the facts to understand it. While I saw immediate visions of him on google video watching live birth, I decided it was probably best to answer the question.

"Come sit down" I say, patting my hand on the cushion beside me.
"Just tell me Mom!" he grows impatient.
"Well they grow in a Mommies uterus which is kind of in the belly."
"Okay, but how do they get out of the belly? Do they come through the Mommies belly button?"

Why does this child want to know everything...I need to teach him how exciting mysteries are in life, leave it with, Everything is a Mystery!

My mouth twists in discomfort wanting to blurt out, yes. I know this wont be satisfying, he will not quit until he has a believable answer.

"Kind of." I say. "If a Mommy has whats called a c-section, then the doctors cut her "tummy" open and pull the baby out."
Good enough for me, I think to myself. Leave it there, leave it alone. Praying to the heavens above there aren't any follow up questions.

Why did I say "if, c-section..." I screwed myself, more questions are coming, I can feel it.

"So..." he begins. I roll my eyes, annoyed with only myself for not answering it properly the first time around. I screwed myself and I know it.

"Did you have a c-section?"
"No."
"Then, how did I come out of your belly?"
"You came through the birth canal." Great, why in the hell did I say that? How does a child's question make an adult so uncomfortable? They should be the easiest questions to answer, and or most people, they are. Fairy tales, and a great imagination can satisfy most children's life questions. Not this kid!

"Where is the birth canal?"
"Its inside the Mommy, Chase." Im growing more and more uncomfortable. "Thats all for now, okay? Go wash your hands for dinner." I say while shewing him off.

"Okay, hold on. I want to go see what a birth canal looks like."
"NO! I yell. Its in the vagina okay! Just stop!" Im frantic.
"Ewww!" He gags "I came out of your vagina?" He is appalled and, should be. He recently learned girls have vagina's and boys have penises.

Not another word is discussed about the subject throughout the night. I feel I won this one. Maybe telling the truth is just gross or weird enough to a child that the subject is lost until they are old enough to understand.

In this moment, I discovered the secret to motherhood.

Its hot, no shade in site. We are starting the second game when Chase begins the wiggles not wanting to sit and watch his sister's softball tournament. He is growing bored quickly as his t-ball games for the year, are now over. The next few innings, he is back and forth between the bleachers and field playing tag with the other kids. The whining gets worse, he is overly tired...probably up all night discussed with what he has learned. I offer snacks to hold him over while we wait for a break in the games to go get lunch. People surround me on the bleachers. Kids hot, impatient, and whining in every direction. I think to myself, at least my kid isn't the one hitting me and yelling at me. I feel sorry for that Mom, show the kid whose boss lady, jeez.

Then Chase pushes one last button, and I snap. I lean in close to his ear with a stern, quiet voice.
"If you do not knock it off" I say, "I'm going to put you right back where you came from!"
"Ew Mom!" He turns looking at me with disgust on his face. "Yuck! I don't want to touch your vagina!" He says out loud. In fact, loud enough for every parent on those bleachers to look directly at me in concern. Eyes from every direction, questionable looks on their faces, judgment. I begin to panic.

Apparently my brilliant discovery of mastering motherhood, was a fluke. NEVER TELL THE TRUTH!

I begin to tell the story of him just learning the night before about where babies come from and eventually the parents were laughing with tears streaming fromm their faces. A mother scorned is all I learned from telling a child the truth to one of their life questions.

Stick with the belly button, people!