English Class

The person I have become since you have left is more or less the same person I was two years ago. Sad, lost, and constantly thinking of you. I have learned to go on without the person I want to be with, without the person I love. It's not a feeling I would want anyone to feel, however, it is what my life consists of. I sit in class and I think of you, I sit right next to you and I think of you. We sit side by side and you can't be more far away. You look at me as if you love me too. You watch me while I read out loud or in my head. Sometimes I pretend you are reading to me. That's one thing I want, two of my favorite things, you and a book, in the same place and time; someone started talking about how tired they were, you joined in about not waking up early enough to head to the gym, you were just so tired. I started remembering the time when you called me one morning after you woke up. Your voice was completely full of sleep. It was different and tired and beautiful. I got lost in that memory, happiness, pain, and loss all came back hand in hand. I shove it down the best I can but it is quite hard. It crawls and itches its way out of me. I remember lots of things often, like when you said this time was going to be different and that you weren't going anywhere.That you were here to stay. Or the time you didn't know if you should kiss me or not, and the time you actually did. The time I called you crying because another boy, a sweet caring boy wanted to take your place but he was nowhere near as perfect as you. Lastly the time you left, found someone new and fell in love again. The past, for you but a place to be stuck, for me.