Worries on me

Noone could ever understand my pain bc i wasnt allowed to show it..whn i was young i was taught not to cry so instead i tried to out grow it. As an adult i cant stop the tears, but i hide them behind the smile n the jokes but i still live in fear. I try so hard to b normal watever the hell that means, and i try my best to treat others with the descency n respect i never recieved. I carry myself as fairly as i know how..i dont lie,or cheat or steal.bc i dnt kno how....i dont hurt others with malice or cruel intentions no doubt, n i try everyday to gv sumn bk for all the years in these streets that i did without. I try to rise above the hateful ways i was born into n raised n show others that i care even whn it dnt pay..but noone even sees the real me. I am torn apart behind a life that is no longer mine..tryn to move 4ward without tripn over my two feet watchn my shadow frm behind. Im tired most days bc i take on so many others problems, fears, and responsibilities, that i dnt even recognize the me i use to be. N at the end of the day im usually so drained i cnt even gt high..but i still push-on each day anew n pray for the strength to sumhow pull thru...but 2days one of those days that i cnt tell up from down n i keep looking for a smile whn i only see a frown. So 2day i ask u ALL to jus let me breathe...and deal wit ur own shit n take care of ur own needs...i hope u all the best n wish u all well...signed sincerely urs,
Trapped between my heaven n ur hell .