WHAT AM I-Stella Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Whenever I saw Sebastian after that day he'd catch my eye, wearing that same smile he'd had at the party. I started avoiding going places I knew he'd be, and Conner was more than happy to keep as much distance from him as possible.

My dislike for Sebastian seemed to grow each day, until it was an ugly mass that kept me awake at night. I'd lie in bed, imagining all the sharp and witty things I would say to him in the morning, but whenever I actually ran in to him at school all the fight seemed to flow out of me. This only made me angrier.

Sometimes when Conner and I sat down for lunch I would see him scanning the canteen and I knew he was looking for Sebastian. I would have commented on it to him but I found myself doing the same embarrassingly often. Worst of all was that each time I found myself staring at him, he would unfailingly look up to meet my gaze, and my cheeks would color at his considering stare and slight smile.

I'd come to school the Monday after the party, expecting to see him attached to Brooke's hip, but he seemed to prefer to sit alone. Even this irritated me; in my mind they would have made the perfect couple. I couldn't think of anyone more deserving to sit through Brooke's mindless chatter, or to put up with his sarcastic drawl. Brooke seemed to have the same idea, and her attempts to drag him into her social group were persistent, and a wonderful source of entertainment.

It occurred to me that she probably would have given up long before if he'd just acted like all the other boys in our year level; tripping over themselves to be noticed by her, but I was sure he knew that from the wide grin he wore each time he watched her stalk off after being turned down. I stopped watching these altercations the day that I realized I was grinning along with him.



On a Monday as I was getting ready for school a few weeks later, waiting for Conner to knock on my door so we could walk to school together, the shrill ring of the phone cut through my lunch preparation. I answered, expecting Conner, ready to give me some excuse for why he was late. I was right, but didn't guess what he was going to tell me. Apparently his big brother Matthew was dragging him across the country again for another week long field trip.

I hung up the phone, silently fuming as I threw my half-made lunch into my schoolbag and strode out the door to walk to school alone. I hated being at school without Conner, it was only just bearable when he was there. I sullenly contemplated sitting alone at lunch and recess for five days and knew that I was pouting. I dragged my feet as I walked to the end of my street, already dreading first period math without Conner to pull me through it.

I stopped as I saw what looked like a pure white rabbit, no not a rabbit; it was far too big to be a rabbit.

Waiting for a car to pass so I could cross the street and get closer to see what the white animal was, I heard footsteps behind me and spun around grinning, for some reason expecting to see Conner, ready to tell me that he'd decided not to leave me after all. The grin fell from my face as I saw Sebastian a couple of meters behind me, that small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth again. I scowled, realizing that Conner wasn't coming to my rescue, and turned back to cross the road.

I heard musical laughter behind me and repressed a shiver, quickening my pace as I turned into the next street on my way to school. The weeks since the party had done nothing positive for my opinion of him.

Suddenly he was striding along next to me, hands casually stuffed into his pockets and eyes on the path ahead, as if I didn't exist. I crossed my arms over my chest, staring at my feet as I plodded along; if he was going to ignore me then I'd just ignore him right back. I deliberately walked slower than I would have if I was alone, forcing him to shorten his long strides in order to keep pace with me.

We walked in silence for two blocks before I cracked suddenly, already angry because of Conner leaving me alone again.

"What do you want?" I snapped, stopping to face him.

He stopped in time with me, his smile stretching to fill his face as he turned his gray eyes to stare into mine, and irritatingly, I felt my pulse quicken as I was once again struck forcibly by his perfectly angular features.

"Just to talk to you, Stella," he replied, his voice liquid velvet. My voice stuck in my throat as I searched for a suitably sarcastic retort, but ended up settling on turning away from him and continuing up the street towards school.

He kept his stride in time with mine and we walked along in uncomfortable silence. I tilted my head to look at him and was aggravated to see that he was grinning. We walked another block to the end of the street in silence before I found my voice.

"Why?" I asked, stopping again. He turned towards me, his eyes thoughtful.

"I'm not sure," he replied, holding my gaze. "There's something about you..." he trailed off, considering me, and, infuriatingly, I found myself wishing he'd keep talking, just so I could listen to the melody of voice. He smiled down at me and I couldn't help returning it with one of my own, the laughter in his eyes catching.

I pulled my eyes from his and looked down at my feet, embarrassed by his searching gaze. I heard his musical chuckle and my head snapped back up to see his grin splitting his face in two.

"I'm nothing special," I growled through my teeth, my cheeks flushing.

"Forgive me if I don't take your word on that one," he replied, his voice tinkling with repressed laughter, and I felt him place his hand on my arm.

I jerked away from the unexpected contact; his hand felt strange on my skin; somehow the same temperature as the cool morning air surrounding us. I saw his smile falter and suddenly I was sorry for pulling away from him, and I was overcome with a strange urge to comfort him.

I smiled reluctantly at him, and when his face lifted in response I felt my heart pound. We stood grinning at each other for what seemed like hours before the sound of the school bell rang in the distance, and suddenly I was pulled back to reality.

We both looked towards the school, and I could feel my disappointment, echoed by his own. I started hurrying down the street, feeling aggravatingly sad at my time with this boy being cut short.

As we walked I wondered at my change of heart; only half an hour earlier I'd felt a deep dislike for this boy, and now, after a few words from him I wanted to comfort him when I had accidentally hurt his feelings. I still didn't like him, but the fire fuelling my dislike seemed to have gone out. I was annoyed at myself for being so easily swayed, and I tried to focus on the reasons I'd disliked him in the first place: his infuriating rudeness, and his seemingly reasonless dislike of my best friend.

When we got to school I lingered on the steps into the building, shamefully reluctant to leave Sebastian. I turned to him and saw him staring down towards the side of the school, his expression anxious. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong, but I didn't get the chance.

"Stella, you need to get away from here," he said in a low voice, his tone urgent. I stared at him in shock, my mouth still hanging open.

"What?" I asked, slowly, carefully. I disliked Sebastian less than I had yesterday, but I certainly wasn't sure yet if I trusted him. There was a strange, persistent feeling in the back of my mind, as if I should be terrified by him.

I watched him as he paced back and forth in front of me; he seemed to be trying to look in every direction at once now, his eyes wide as he surveyed the school around us. I followed his gaze, but couldn't see anything at all.

"Sebastian, what's going on?" I stepped towards him, stretching my arm out to grab his, but he moved out of my reach.

"You have to leave," he hissed. "Get away from here, Stella." He stopped looking around for a moment to stare at me. Suddenly his face collapsed, and I took another step towards him, shocked by the pain in his expression.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, standing in front of him now, trying to hold his gaze with my own. He dropped to his knees, clutching his head between his palms.

"He's coming..." he trailed off, a thin groan escaping his lips. "It's too late." I stared down at him, a knot of worry forming in my stomach.

I knelt down, taking Sebastian's shoulders between my hands. His head whipped up and my hands instinctively flew away from his shoulders. I pushed myself to my feet, fear gripping my middle as I stared, transfixed, at Sebastian's face. His eyes were wild and unseeing behind a milky white film, the pupils so large they completely obscured his irises. His lips pulled slowly back over his teeth, his jaw clenched, and a low moan escaped his throat.

"I can't stop it" he groaned, falling forward onto his hands.

I stood over him, my mind blank, feeling entirely out of my depth. I wondered desperately if I should call an ambulance, if he was having some sort of fit.

I paced back and forth in front of Sebastian, still on his hands and knees. Suddenly in a single swift movement he was standing, facing away from me. For a fleeting second I wondered if I'd imagined his fit.

The strain in his voice was obvious though, and I knew I hadn't imagined his pain. "Run, Stella. Run as fast as you can."

He rested his weight onto his back foot and stood waiting, but for what, I had no idea. I wondered helplessly if he was going insane, surely this wasn't the behavior of a sane person. I stood behind him, watching as he stood waiting, his muscles locked.

"Sebastian..." I started, but stopped abruptly as a low growling sound filled the air, pushing everything else from my mind. I'd never heard a sound more terrifying, and something instinctual froze my muscles in place.

Suddenly I realized that the sound was coming from in front of me, from Sebastian, and I forced my legs to carry me a step backwards, away from him. He was clearly insane. Slowly he turned his head to look at me, and I choked back a scream.

His eyes were entirely black now, absent of any color or tone, as if the light didn't hit them at all. His lips were parted over his teeth, and his two canines extended down past his bottom lip, a trickle of blood glistening where they cut into his skin. I stumbled backwards, trying to tear my eyes from his face, terror gripping my body.

"RUN!" he roared, his features almost unrecognizable in his rage. My legs obeyed him now, and I sprinted across the gravel and onto the sidewalk, the ground flying below my feet as I tried to put as much distance between myself and Sebastian.

When I couldn't run anymore, I fell to my knees on the footpath and wrapped my arms around my torso in an attempt to control the shaking that rocked my frame.

The image of Sebastian's face filled my mind, and I shuddered, forcing down the sobs that threatened to incapacitate me.

I don't know how long I stayed there, locked in that position, but my iPhone buzzed as it vibrated in my pocket, and I was pulled forcibly back to reality. I fumbled it out of my jeans and saw Conner's name on the caller ID. I answered quickly, fighting to control my voice.

"Conner," I choked, biting back tears.

"Stella!" he shouted, and relief at hearing his voice flooded through me; I suddenly felt safe. "Where the hell are you?" He asked urgently, anxiousness heavy in his tone. My heart began to speed up again at edge to his voice, and I fought back a fresh wave of hysteria.

"I don't know," I whispered, unable to make myself speak any louder. A part of me was waiting for Sebastian to jump out at me, teeth bared and ready to attack.

"You have to get out of town, Stella," Conner said, his voice uncertain. I could hear other voices speaking urgently in the background.

"What?" I asked, the echo of Sebastian's words constricting my breathing again. The sobs I'd been holding back forced themselves to the surface, shaking my body.

"Stella?" I could hear a second edge to his voice now, sharper than the first. He was afraid. "Where are you?" he asked again, forcefully. "What's happened?"

"Sebastian," I managed between my sobs. I heard a sharp intake of breath over the phone, and the low sound of Conner speaking to someone in the background.

"Did he hurt you?" he asked his voice hard.

"No," I whispered, dragging air into my lungs, pushing the sobs back down. "There's something wrong with him, Conner." The image of his face flashed across my vision, and a shudder shook my body, the memory of the rage on his face clear in my mind. "I got away from him; I ran, and I ran, until I couldn't anymore. I was so scared, Conner." My voice cracked and I could feel the panic rising in my chest, gripping at my throat.

Conner was silent on the other end of the phone, but I could still hear people speaking in the background. I sat on the ground with my knees pulled into my chest, waiting for him to say something.

"I'm coming to get you," he said eventually, worry clear in his tone. "Don't move. Everything's going to be fine, I promise." I continued pressing the phone to my ear, but he'd hung up. I didn't bother wondering how he would find me; I just knew that he would.

My breathing slowed almost back to normal and my heart rate steadied, Conner's promise ringing in my ears. I shut my eyes tight and stayed where I was, obeying Conner's instructions.

After only a few minutes, I heard running footsteps from behind me. For a short moment I couldn't breathe again, imagining Sebastian coming for me, his eyes black as night. Then I heard Conner's soothing voice and I felt completely safe; I knew he would never let anyone hurt me.

I felt arms wrap securely around my frame, and then Conner was carrying me, whispering reassurances in my ear. I buried my head into his shoulder, trying to control my shaking, but it didn't seem that important, now that Conner was with me.

I didn't ask where he was taking me, but after a while when my sobs had subsided I looked up. Two unfamiliar figures walked in front of us, a man and a woman, heads together as they spoke in low, urgent voices. I wondered who these strangers were, but the thought disappeared as I looked around and saw that we were walking down my street, towards my house.

I struggled slightly in Conner's arms, indicating to him that I wanted to walk on my own. I wasn't sure if I could manage speaking yet, but I felt certain that I could handle walking. Conner looked into my eyes before he set me on my feet, concern creasing his brow.

He wrapped his fingers through mine as we walked, seeming reluctant to let me go. I squeezed his hand, glad for his touch, now more than ever before. We walked in silence to my house, the only sound the low whispering coming from the two figures in front of us. Standing on my doorstep, Conner spoke in a hushed voice, as if he was afraid of being overheard.

"Go inside and pack some clothes," he murmured, holding both my hands in his own, gripping them tightly.

"What?" I stammered, shock constricting my chest at the thought of being anywhere but curled up my in bed, hidden from the world. When he'd said before that I'd have to leave, I hadn't realized he'd meant so soon.

"It's not safe for you here," he said, his voice soothing. "You need to leave for a while." I felt my knees buckle underneath me and was dimly aware of Conner supporting my weight, his face stricken. My mind raced at the implications of his words, but I didn't think to argue with him; I knew in my heart that he would never ask me to do something like this unless it was the only option, and that was all the reason I needed.

"Will you stay with me?" I whimpered staring up at him, suddenly fearful of his answer; the thought of going away on my own was suffocating.

"Of course," he replied, cupping my cheek in his hand, holding my gaze. "I'm always going to take care of you." Relief flooded through me; the knowledge that Conner would be with me made leaving my home and my family, suddenly seem possible. I knew that as long as I had Conner with me I could do anything.

I smiled weakly up at him, my lip trembling as I thought about what I'd say to my mother and my big brother; an image of mom's face pushing itself unwontedly into my head, making my eyes sting and my throat burn. Conner wrapped his arms around my frame, pulling me into his chest.

"It won't be for long," he whispered, stroking my hair.

I sighed heavily, forcing thoughts of my mother to the back of my mind. Pulling myself from Conner's arms I turned away from him, walking alone into my house.