Last Goodbye

The yellow blazing star beat down on Carlos. It was fit to be summer now, only a few days from June. The thick air seemed to suffocate everyone and Carlos felt the worst of it. His hair was scorched by the relentless unbearable rays of sunlight that melted the very pavement on which they shone.
During his late lunch with his family he had been spacing out and staring absently into the white walls. When the food arrived its tantalizing aroma was not enough to redirect his attention because nothing mattered but his farewell to Isabella. What was there to say to the girl who breathed utter joy and excitement into his life. He thought the point was for her to understand what she truly meant to him. Carlos found the difficulty in determining his feelings. He was torn between what he wanted from her: for her to stay or leave. Was Isabella’s departure from his life an excuse for Carlos to fill himself with courage and confess what he has kept secret. At times his love for her pushed him to become outgoing and social, but at the same time her absence wrung his heart.
He remembered the nights they’d spend when he would look to the indigo expanse brimming with stars. The twinkle in her eye and the white crescent painted across the sky filled his heart with a warm light. Carlos could feel the refreshing air fill his lungs and dance through the locks of his hair. There was a price to pay for times like that. In a single breath she could go silent. On those lonely nights his empty heart grew dark and cold, each chamber aching in agony with each and every beat as Carlos choked on the rotten humid air.
He left the restaurant without touching his food, no one questioned his brooding expression for his family was aware of where he was going. So often had he brought her to the movies that she became a part of his family. Every weekend Carlos walked her home from the movies, their laughs echoed through the empty streets. At each street lamp the orange light lit her big brown eyes with a passionate fire.
He passed Columbus Circle where so many times they met. Carlos could never miss her head tilted to the side with that radiant pearly white smile of hers always spread across her face. She always complained about his punctuality.
Lincoln Center was different when night fell upon the plaza. It unfailingly reminded him of the train rides home from TriBeca. He’d miss the way she leaned her head against his shoulder, or when she would sit on his lap when no seats were available, or how they would share headphones as they lost themselves in the music. Carlos purposefully exited the train a stop early to see the grand marble arcs of Lincoln Center, the gigantic banners flowing in the warm breeze, the long stairs’ LED lights flashing welcome in different languages, behind it the geysers of water that shot reaching into the sky were illuminated by the surreal chandelier in the main building. No matter how many times he admired the scene it never changed. It was redolent with memories of Isabella, he could feel his longing for an endless night, smell her hair every time she rested on him, hear her voice call out to him, feel her hands when he’d grab hers.
He text Isabella that he was now one block away from her apartment. Carlos met her at the front of her apartment, running from the lobby was her younger brother Rocco. Rocco called Carlos’ name out and jumped on him. Isabella’s father came after slowly, he smoked a cigar as he relaxed on the bench in front of their apartment. Clinging to his arm Rocco asked Carlos if he was going to miss him. Carlos nodded but even then he stared at Isabella with astonishment. He redirected his eyes to the ground and attempted to speak, however before he could speak smoke filled his lungs and he began to cough.
Isabella proposed that they go somewhere else. Her brother’s youthful green eyes gazed into Carlos’ begging to tag along with them. She sternly denied his entreating, this time it would only be the two of them, for once. They walked down the avenues towards the Hudson River. Just before the pier they passed a CVS where Carlos, James, and Isabella sought refuge from the pouring rain a few months ago. They were sopping wet when they ran into the store with a broken umbrella. The three ran all the way to the boardwalk that extended into the Hudson, in which the raging winds turned each drop of rain into mini razors that stung against their faces. Carlos screamed, “we’re all gonna die!” As the waves crashed into each other against the pier and the thunder clapped in the sky and the lightning momentarily illuminating their wet faces. . She bought a milky way bar for the three of them to share. They laughed together in the cold rain, their coats drenched, chocolate wet, and hair a mess.
Carlos wanted to say something, but he was afraid he would make her upset. He could not find it in himself to speak all the while maintaining awkward eye contact with her. They stopped at the entrance to riverside and sat atop a hill. The silence grew louder so Isabella staring out into the ether began to play music as she spoke about the last few weeks she spent hanging out with her other friends: Mina and Henry. Carlos disliked them, but if they made her happy then there was nothing he could say.
Isabella continued talking about Mina and Henry. Carlos watched people play basketball under the highway. Occasionally her heard a car’s engine roar. Under the dark ominous clouds that gathered in sky the orange sun solemnly sunk into the watery horizon. The sight of a sunset struck Carlos and made every chamber of his heart ring with emptiness. He knew the image of the blazing star dancing on the ripples of the river meant the day has come to an end.
And so Carlos and Isabella walked up the avenues each dreaded step pulled at his heart strings slowly tearing it apart. He wished that time would stand still as it did so many times when Carlos spent time with her. If everything stopped he would no longer continue his endless pursuit of Isabella, she would never leave him behind again, nothing would change ever again.
He walked her home for the last time. They sat on the bench in front of her apartment, her family was no longer there. Carlos looked at her, opened his mouth about to speak, instead he smiled at her and pursed his lips, once again looking at the ground. A sudden quietness fell upon them and although each second of searing silence tortured Carlos, the moment went by so fast. Then she turned to him and stood up, his heart dropped and he stared at the ground refusing to stand up. When he looked up their eyes locked and she looked intently at him and reached her hand out. He rose to his feet and continued to look at her gritting his teeth and his eyebrows furrowed. For a moment, the apartment, bench and river melted away as their brief warm embrace made him forget everything. She whispered in his ear. “I love you.” He held her tighter for an instant while he pursed his lips and sealed his eyes shut, he could feel his eyes stinging as the mass of tears was ready to pour from his eyes. Carlos pulled away, he caught her gaze, and for the millionth time he got lost in her eyes, “I love you too.” He responded. Carlos forced a smile for her, but even she could see the sadness in the dark lifeless rooms that were his eyes.
He walked opposite from his apartment and returned to the pier. There were seagulls sitting on wooden pegs in the river. Standing on the edge of the boardwalk he hoped to escape the scalding heat the beared down upon him. Typically there were an abundance of zephyrs that eased the insufferable humidity, however the air was inert and provided no refuge from the asphyxiating fervor of the sun. He looked out onto the other side of the river, the dark clouds dominated the sky, yet behind them were small patches of the sky set ablaze with a red fiery glow. The solemn sunset was evocative of all Isabella meant to him, she had been his life for the past two years. The sun disappeared, the seagulls left the meaningless wooden pegs, and with balled fists and trembling arms he continued to walk home.
Carlos walked home under the woeful barren sky. When he arrived at his apartment the annoying pale fluorescent lights hurt his eyes. He managed a half smile before entering his apartment, he could hear the burners of the stove and the droning of his mother and sister speaking as they cooked. The sweltering air leaked from the kitchen to the living room, the whole atmosphere encumbered Carlos and almost left him incapacitated. He smiled as he answered the limitless stream of questions his sister had. With each answer, each word, the fire from the stove grew larger, the steak on the pans sizzled louder, and the increasing heat forced beads of sweat to roll down his forehead.
His room was cool and he lay on his bed gazing out into the the starless night. The lonely waning crescent soon to be a new moon was empty, so incomplete. Carlos dozed off under the cold hard cap of the sky.
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Carlos sat on the bench in front of Isabella’s apartment. “Carlos what’s wrong?” A voice called out, Carlos turned and it was Isabella. “I know what will make you feel better.” She said. Her hand was reaching out and he grabbed it. She ran and he was following, when they turned the corner they were on a highway. Except the cars moved in slow motion and they ran so fast everything was blurred just multicolored streaks of lights whizzing by. The only thing visible to him were the legions of stars assembled in the sky, the moonlight sparkling in her eyes, and the boundless sky remained still. Unlike every night he’d spent with her, this night was eternal, an unceasing run on the limitless highway running beyond the perpetually shining stars. “I will never leave you and nothing will ever change.” She promised as she turned her head to him smiling.
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Carlos’ face was buried in his pillow. He shot up from his dream gasping for breath as the bottomless hot tears streamed from his eyes and streaked his cheeks. Carlos was filled with remorse and each regret slowly tightened its grip on his lungs. He wished for one last unexpected call when Isabella needed his help, he wished for one more night they could hang out late, he wished for her to know, for her to finally understand how he felt. But with each regret, each wish it became harder for him to breathe because she was the sole person who breathed something great into his life and now without her he was suffocating. His insides churned in agony and he choked on his silent sobs no one could ever hear.