Behind My Mind

Rory, Rory, Rory,

We’ve all heard the story

She’s more bonkers

Than a honker


That’s what they keep telling me. They think I’m crazy, they think I’m out of my mind.

For 2 years I lived with that chant, it has haunts my thoughts, my every breath.

I’ve given it my best, I try to fit in, I try to be cool, but I never could win. New year, new school, new people. All I need to start over.


Finally the first day of school arrives, and luckily for me, the ceiling starts to crack.

“Don’t panic,” I whisper to myself “It’s-not-real, it’s-not-real.”

My mother yells from the kitchen. “Aurora , is everything ok?”

I slowly walk across the hall, holding on to the beige, smooth wall. The ceiling’s cracks keep getting bigger and bigger. Mini

earthquakes line up on the wall.

“Come on, we’re gonna be late.” My sister Illaria calls out

The cracks now had oozing liquid spreading out. I rapidly shift towards the front door.

“Let’s go.” I mumble.

Around this time of year the landscape of New York is painted with red and orange leaves. You can feel the wind chills. Sometime later the yellow school bus rolls by. Illaria and I climb up the stairs and sit in the third to last seat. The bus moves on through the streets to a different neighborhood. The bus pulls up at Cape Coral Middle School. Illaria is in 8th grade and I in 7th grade. Algebra is my homeroom.The halls buzz with excitement as kids hurry to their lockers, chatting.

“Come in Aurora,” Mr.Howard welcomes me “your seat will be next to…Joslyn. Joslyn please raise your hand.”

Once I look up and I recognize the girl from my bus. She has black ebony hair, and fair skin. It's her eyes more than anything, every shade of pale and golden brown spreading out to a darker brown border. Daylight enters through the cracks of the curtains as it is caught in her eyes. My feet slowly start to shuffle in her direction

“Hello Aurora,” she says cheerfully, “nice to meet you.”

Building up my courage I reply,

“H-Hi, nice to meet you too.”

The bell rings right as I take my seat. The announcement turns on and the principal’s face appears. Dr.Kiser goes over the basic first day routine.

Seconds after the speech ends I hear my name.

First, it comes as a whisper,

Aurora…

Then as a hiss,

Aurora.

Then louder and louder,

Aurora, Aurora!

I turn around, people chatting everywhere, but not to me. Suddenly a creature appears in the corner of the class. Really, it is more of a shadow. Wisps of darkness linger near it. The look in its eyes, it was like nothing was there to behold. An endless pit of ink, sorrow, pain, and despair. Neither the whites of its eyes nor the veins that flow through them could be seen. They are depths of Tartarus just waiting for me to jump in. Holding a thousand souls yet there were none to be seen. I blink, attempting to erase it, but nothing changes. Sliding across the floor goes my seat as I spring up. Every living soul in the room stares in shock at my trembling body.

“Aurora! What is happening?” asks Mr. Howard

“I-,” breathe in, breathe out.

The creature inches forward sending me against the cold wall. Closer and closer, trying to consume my soul. Since no one else can see it, I look like a fool standing there, wide-eyed. It lunges at me swiping a big…paw? Runnning over to the door, knocking everything in my path. I race down the hall, into the restroom. Panicked, I switch my phone on.

Please pick me up – My fingers fly across the screen.

Seconds later she responds-What happened?

I saw something else– I text back

–I’m on my way

Minutes passed when finally my mom arrives. I text her that I was in the bathroom on the second floor. When she finally finds me, I cling onto her with tears in my eyes. She told the office that I had a dentist appointment. The whole ride home is silent. The day goes on, and finally nighttime is here.

The alarm sounds, urging me to get up. Unwilling, I change and head to the kitchen.

“Do I have to go?” I ask

“Yes. And that’s final.” My mother responds.

Again the bus comes, and again Illaria and I sit in the third to last seat. The minute I step inside the school building the counselor drags me. We step inside the office, and they all stare at me. After a few minutes of asking me questions, about behavior in class, they let me go. Everything was normal until, I went in.

“.Hey.” I utter.

Slowly I walk over to my table hoping they won’t laugh. I was wrong. The entire class bursts out, judging me with every laugh. Except one. She stares at me with her caring eyes.

I raise my shaky hand. Mr.Howard calls me up.

“May I go to the restroom?” I ask quietly.

“Yes, you may.” He answers.

By exiting the room I try to exit my own room of fears. I silently cry, knowing this will go on. Behind me the white, dull door creaks open. Really, it sounded more like some dying animal, crying out its pain. Walking towards me is Joslyn. I wipe my lonely tears. Her soft, delicate hands take mine.

“Are you ok?” she asks politely

“Hhhmm…”

“May I ask, what happened yesterday?” she curiously asks.

I can’t answer her. Because I don’t know.

“I don’t know,”my unsteady voice responds “it just kind of,happens.”

“How?” she whispers.

As much as it hurts I answer.

“I.Have.Schizophrenia.” I sigh, “it’s a mental disorder that disturbs our emotions, thoughts, and behavior. It can cause delusions, and hallucinations.”

We stare at each other for a long time, it seems like centuries. My mind trying to think of what to say. Our mouths open many times to speak, but the only thing that comes out is silence.

“I understand if you think I’m crazy, everyone else does.” Finally my voice comes to life. Once again no friends except myself.

“You’re not crazy.” shyly she says.

I jerk my head up in shock. How could this be possible? Everyone I’ve met thinks I’m a maniac.

“Why?” I mumble.

“Just because people struggle, doesn’t mean we’re not human. It doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the same kind of respect. In fact, it’s because we are human that we struggle.” she said.

This was what I needed. I needed someone to believe in me, other than my family. I needed an outsider to understand me and be with me. I guess every cloud does have a silver lining.