Dark blue sky

Dark blue sky. Many tiny bright stars. This sky was above her when she was small, when she was a teenager. It was just the same now. It kept her thoughts. It was always there with her. It saw her pain, worries, knew her dreams. Daytime she went with her head in the clouds and night time she put on this sky like a huge gorgeous hat. She looked at the sky and felt as if thoughts of other people were also there. They were there. The sky kept them with care. Thoughts of many generations who lived under the same sky. It was just the same: the same dreams, worries. But something was changing. People. Do people change? Can we suggest that one generation is better than the other? Or different? Do we need changes? What is progress for the humanity? Is there any plan? Are we ahead of time or somewhere behind? She saw new buildings appearing in the streets, new trends in fashion. If life is changing then the society and it’s norms should also change. She was at her friend’s party. One couple came with 2 month old baby. It was a girl. She was tiny, innocent, vulnerable and so beautiful. Charming. Marie couldn’t resist the temptation and touched the child. She was so attracted by her, the whole world could wait. She already loved her and wanted to protect her. What was it? Instincts? She was all into this child, as if it were her baby, she would never part with her. She went to another room thinking that such child was a rather expensive project. She could not afford it alone. Centuries ago a woman was a shadow of her husband. He was her owner, could hit her, cry at her. At the same time he gave her house to live in, food, money, protection from others. A guy needed to be very creative to survive. He should be strong , brave, should bring money, food. Otherwise he would be killed, otherwise the society would not choose him, he would have no children. It was a natural selection. A woman followed her husband, took care of him, their children. These were hard times. Times of survival. People grew old, lost their health faster. They needed children to have somebody who would give them food when they can’t work. It was important to have children to survive. Now everything was different. It was a society of consumption. People worked, enjoyed life, valued the quality of life. Weak men were not killed anymore. People didn’t need to have children to survive. Women understood their worth and now were earning money by themselves. A guy could be whatever, he didn’t play that important role. There was still a problem. Some men unconsciously took women as somebody weaker, lower and wanted the same treatment as centuries ago. But women evolved and didn’t want it. Marie thought: “Maybe now when men and women don’t need each other to survive, when they can do it by themselves, when they became equal we don’t need the notion of genders anymore. And who can say now if it is a man or a woman? Is there any definition of a gender? Is it physiology or codex of behavior, style of living? What should make 2 people be together and have this baby? Consciously. Not by chance. What if it is love? This old fashioned feeling that sees a souls first of all, not body, gender. Then all of sudden both start searching for compromises, want to take care of each other, feel responsibility. Who made up the notion of gender behavior? Does it change with time?”
She had a Italian friend. One day he decided to have a wife and asked her to marry him.
- I have a house here in Italy, good job. Marry me and we’ll have children.
- I need to find a job in Italy first - Marie answered.
- You don’t need to work. I will give you money. I will take care of you. Just live with me and share my life. - he said
This was a kind of proposal a true girl should dream about. But there was some totally wrong with it. Now when she learned to live without a guy’s help, when she could earn money by herself she felt she didn’t want to depend on a guy. She wanted to be independent, take decisions by herself, she felt not safe to leave her way of life to be a woman like centuries ago. She was so different, changed.
He asked her about her education and it appeared to be that she was 30 times more educated than he was.
- Honestly, do you really need a husband and children? Do you think I am low educated for you? - he asked her quietly.
She told one girl about it:
- He is a farmer, a working class, a usual guy - Marie explained
- Does it really matter how he earns money, his profession? - the girl looked at her in surprise.
- But all these years he was not interested in education, reading books when I used every chance to get to know something new. He is low educated for me.
- You are telling strange things. Can’t he be your darling being low educated? Can’t he be your soulmate?
- This is easy to see. We have different values. What shall we talk about if he can’t say a word , if he has no interest in getting to know things?
- Well, I don’t need an educated guy, I don’t care about such things. But you know It’s up to you to be with him or not.
At first Marie thought that probably being a woman is to be a shadow of a man, to follow him when and where he calls, any man who asks first. He is a master and she should obey, this rule was kept for centuries. But then she paused for a moment:
“Why should I do what I don’t like? Why I don’t love myself so much?” she was angry with herself “ I don’t love myself so much that I am ready to leave everything I loved for years just to be a woman. And who am I if not a woman? Should I prove somebody this? What do I love?” She remembered guys she felt comfortable, happy with. These were well educated people sometimes with 2 higher educations, who read a lot, wrote well, were intelligent, smart. It was a pleasure to be with them. Why should she leave it? She remembered that tiny child with innocent, kind face ones again. This baby should have a smart, intelligent father. No wild farmers. And this what it means to be a woman. She chooses, she knows what she needs and this should be love. This should be happiness. Because she deserved it.