A calling to another place

I don’t really believe in anything. I don’t have faith in a higher power. I am pretty much agnostic. I can’t say for sure whether there is or is not a creator, I don’t know either way. My personal experience says that it’s not likely but that’s just my experience. If there is a god, then it is likely that she is not all loving or that he is not all powerful, it’s definitely not both. I am much more likely to put my interests and trust in to science as it can generally be tested and quantified through experimentation. That being said, I cannot put all of my eggs into the basket of science either, because it requires that I have faith in some crazy shit too, which I myself cannot experience. Have you heard of simulation theory? That’s a real thing that you should look into if you have never heard of it. Now the argument is that science doesn’t care if you believe in it or not, it just is. I can agree, some things just are. Basically I am just anti-ideology. If you are a fundamentalist of any kind, whether science or religion, you are shutting down the ability to look outside of your own understanding. To me, I don’t know is so much more comforting than “my book says this” or “there is a plan.” It’s very human and inviting to me to hear someone admit that they don’t know in the same way I don’t That they don’t have to lie to themselves to sleep better at night. I have often lost a nights rest because I was terrified of the things I don’t know. Afterwards though, it’s a battle that I needed because if you don’t face those things regularly, they will creep up on you at the worst times.

We are all on our own journey of understanding. This is about a step in my own journey to understand. A way to at the very least be at peace as to what may or may not exist outside of our own five senses and what may or may not happen after we die. Death is the biggest and most fearsome unknown to us all. There are so many stories and beliefs as to what will or will not happen after we take our very last breath and no confirmed proofs. We all owe it to ourselves to explore and find peace in whatever way we can with our last days of life. A little over a year ago I used a decent dose, 3 grams, of psilocybin/ psychedelic mushrooms. I had used a smaller dosage before and it was a great experience but not as profound. I greatly enjoy using edible cannabis as it opens up my mind and allows for an inner dialogue that isn’t clouded and muddled by a ton of disconnected thoughts, but it too is a different experience. These are not party substances to me, as I genuinely view them as a way of attempting to find a connection with something very profound and meaningful. I was at a close friend’s home and we decided to take the trip together. We ground the mushrooms as finely as we could and added them to orange juice. The orange juice (or any citrus juice) starts to break down the chemical compounds in the mushrooms so that they are absorbed and take effect much more quickly inside of your body. About 30 minutes after drinking our juice my friend felt it start to take effect so he suggested that we go sit on his couch. we turned on a video on YouTube that had some mild visuals and music that was very conducive to the setting of the atmosphere.

As I felt the effects taking hold, I closed my eyes and leaned back into the couch. My body felt very relaxed and my mind felt very clear. After a few moments I saw a woman’s hand hold something, palm up. Her hand came closer to my face and as it got closer, the thing in her hand looked kind of like a strawberry. I smiled, and as I leaned back to get a better look at the strawberry thing, she shoved her entire hand into my mouth. I was taken aback and jumped with a start. As I looked up to look at her face her arm had turned into a pathway leading into a pin prick of light in the sky. It was like seeing a single bright star in the midnight sky. I was surrounded by darkness with the pathway to the distant light the only visible way to go. I started to ascend the path, but it was more like I was flying upwards rather than walking. As I got closer to the now growing and expanding light, his dog let out a single bark that tore me right from the experience. My friend was also brought out of his experience and we both had a laugh about it then we both leaned back to get back to our own experiences. As soon as I closed my eyes I was back on the pathway and pulled right through the light. It was like flying right out of a manhole and into another existence. I realized that I was flying over a vast desert, with a jungle not too far to my right and the woman that had given me the strawberry was guiding me on my left, but here she was a raven. I was looking down on the golden sand and a civilization that had built cities and a couple of giant pyramids. They were all tiny though as I was flying high in the sky. I could feel the sun upon my body, which I never really looked at so I can only assume that I was perhaps a raven too. I looked towards the horizon and saw the golden sand reaching up to a beautiful azure sky with wispy clouds spread in the distance.

The raven that was guiding me, then turned right towards the jungle. We flew downwards through the canopy of the trees. As we were gliding down through the branches and vines, I got a mental image of a snake. It was crawling forward but as it sensed my presence, it raised it’s head, turned, and looked right into my eyes as it flicked it’s tongue to better sense me. It then dissipated into a mist, then into nothingness. I was immediately aware that I was still flying and was guided back towards the desert to soar over more pyramids. I remember at one time coming out of the trip and talking to my friend about our experiences. The room we were in still carried the hue of the sand and as I reached down to touch the floor to make sure it wasn’t sand, I specifically told my friend that I didn’t know what was real anymore. After that I went back to the experience until it was over. The whole experience lasted about 6 hours and was probably the most profound thing I have ever experienced in my life. I am still trying to understand what it all meant. I still feel like I don’t know what is real. I feel like I was shown a different reality and there I was able to fly and soar above advanced civilizations. I feel like I am somewhere that I don’t belong, and that place is waiting for me to come back. And I fully intend on going back, as often as I possibly can.

Do I know what I experienced was spiritual? I don’t know. It could have been just neurons firing in a specific way to make me hallucinate it all. It could have been a chemical reaction to an exogenous substance that was a completely natural response to a fungi that we share about 67% of our DNA. I can say that afterwards I feel more connected to the planet. That I was able to get an experience from something that grows naturally with no negative effects to my health. I feel more open to the possibilities of something existing beyond a materialistic reductionist mind set that I was allowing myself to experience before. I am on a quest to find my own spirituality in a way. More than that I am on a quest to experience life. I am willing to search beyond what most people and society find as acceptable methods. Sometimes when I look up into the clear sky at night, to see as many stars as I can wherever I am, I feel a connection with something greater than myself. That I am insignificant in the infinite universe. Taking a psychedelic allowed me to look inside myself and see my significance within that connection. I highly suggest that everyone should take that trip.