T H E Names

T H E Names

Adelbert the Rich – If you have to be anything rich is good.

Adelbert the Victorious – Good name to bet on.

Albert the Bear – Considered an able strong man, quick of eye and of good sense.

Albert the Magnanimous - Expelled the Jews and gave their property to himself and
his friends. His friends considered this magnanimous.

Albert the Patient – Unknown if he was sick or slow.

Albert the Pigtail - He wore one and kept his nose to the grindstone.

Albert the Prodigal – Was hard working.

Albert the Wise – Well educated and respected for his intelligence.

Alexander the Great – First in a long line of greats and considered the greatest, and there are many of them. It seems greatness is common in rulers.

Alfonso the Magnanimous – Patron of the Arts, unlike Albert the Magnanimous he did not expel anyone.

Alfred the Great – Rated 14th on the list of 100 Greatest Britons.

Andrew the White – White was Hungarian argot for Catholic. He killed many pagans.

Arnulf the Evil – Confiscated church property to raise money for his army.

Ashot the Great – Oversaw the Second Armenian Golden age and erected the first khachkar.

Ashot II the Iron – Fought off many usurpers and was strong.

Ashot III the Merciful – Killed off his enemies, can’t find out why her was considered merciful.

Ashot IV the Valiant – Went to war a lot and was good at it.

Askia the Great – Established West Africa’s first bureaucracy in the Songhai Empire.

Augustus the Strong - Had 234 recognized illegitimate children.

Basil the Bulgar Slayer – Killed a lot of Bulgars while subjugating Bulgaria.

Bede the Venerable – Instrumental in establishing the use of Anno Domini for dating.

Bela I the Champion – Sat on his throne, the throne collapsed and he died of his injuries. This does not make him a champion in my book.

Bela II the Blind - He and his father were blinded by his uncle, the King of Hungary. The King also ordered he be castrated. However, the man charged with the deed was afraid of God’s wrath so he showed the King a pair of dog’s balls instead.

Boleslaw the Brave giving the you know what to the not so brave.
(Image Missing. How do I add a photo?)

Boleslaw the Forgotten – Also known as the Cruel and is best forgotten.

Carloman the Wise – Became a monk.

Catherine the Great – Gave one of her lovers 50,000 Roubles, a pension and 4,000 serfs.

Charles the Affable – Left France in debt and disarray but was nice about it.

Charles the Bald – Either a reverse name because he was actually very hairy or because he was born without royal lands.

Charles the Beloved - Also Charles the Mad – As king he instituted reforms and became The Beloved. He then started killing people indiscriminately and became The Mad.

Charles the Bad – His horrible death by fire was considered his just reward and God’s Justice.

Charles the Bold – Went to war and boldly got killed in battle.

Charles the Fair – Debased the currency, confiscated Jewish property and was considered handsome.

Charles the Fat – Inept and lethargic.

Charles the Great - aka Charlemagne: Six feet tall, enormous for the time.

Charles the Hammer – Defeated the Moslems.

Charles the Lame ?

Charles the Short – Created the Order of the Ship.

Charles the Simple – He was a king who was considered not devious, a welcome relief for his subjects.

Charles the Victorious - Also Charles the Well Served, as in obeyed not eaten.

Charles the Wise – Believed in stable conscientious government and established a Royal Library for his ministers to use to become wise like him.

Childebert the Just – Referred to as "the glorious lord of good memory." meaning we remember him well, not he had a good memory.

Childebert the Adopted – He was adopted by a King.

Cleopatra the Great – Looked like Elizabeth Taylor.

Clovis the Lazy – Manipulated by his nobles and died insane.

Clothar the Great - also the Young - A not so enthusiastic Christian with five wives.

Clothar the Old - If there is a young there has to be an old.

Cnut the Great – Proved man cannot stop the tides.

Cnut the Holy – Championed the Catholic Church.

Coloman the Learned – Also the Book Lover. Spent so much time studying that he became hunch backed and nearsighted.

Conrad the Peaceful – Heard both the Magars and Saracens were going to attack him. Went to each and told them the other was attacking them and he would help. When the Magars and Saracens then attacked each other, he waited until they were spent and then went in and wiped out the remains.

Conrad the Younger – No word on Conrad the Older.

Constantine the Bearded – Killed his brother.

Constantine the Dung-named – Not well liked. The original Iconoclast who liked to destroy religious figurines.

Constantine the Great – Went east.

Constantine the Purple Born – This means “Born to royalty” which he was not.

Constantius the Pale – Light skinned.

Demitrius the Besieger - Besieged many Mediterranean cities.

Edgar the Peaceful – Quiet reign.

Edward the Confessor – Pious and serious.

Edward the Elder ?

Edward the Martyr – Early in his reign a comet appeared and famine followed.

Eric the Memorable – No one remembers why he was so called. Killed by one of his
subjects.

Erik the Red – Red haired.

Erik the Victorious – Won many battles.

Ernst the Brave – Died in the Battle of Langensalza.

Ernest the Iron – Promoted the development of iron.

Ethelred the Unready – He wasn’t unready, just ill advised.

Eystein the Foul-Fart – A stinking Viking.

Ferdinand the Benign – Totally clueless. Said, “I am the Emperor and I want dumplings.” Told his people were rebelling he asked, “But are they allowed to do that?”

Ferdinand the Bomb – Cannonaded a city in Sicily.

Ferdinand the Catholic ?
Ferdinand the Conky King – A wood fungus but beyond that unknown.

Ferdinand the Honest – He made a deal with the anti-pope.

Francis the Father - Also the Restorer of Letters. Brought culture and Leonardo da Vinci to France. Also had a large nose.

Frederick the Catholic – Went on a Crusade, became sick and died.

Frederick IV the Empty Pockets – He lost all his money.

Frederick the Fair – Handsome.

Frederick the Great – Had a Royal monopoly on coffee, sent out disabled soldiers to “sniff out” violators.

Frederick the Mercenary – It was said of him, “He was great in small things and small in great things.”

Frederick the Peaceful – Efficient and quiet rule.

Frederick II the Quarrelsome – Harsh to his people and attacked his neighbors.

Frederick the Simple – Ordered Jews to wear a badge indicating their heritage.

Folke the Fat – The most powerful man in Sweden in the year 1100.

Godfrey the Bearded – Sacked Verdun.

Godfrey the Hunchback - Assassinated while relieving himself.

Gorm the Old – Raised the first Jelling Stone.

Gunnstein the Berserk-Killer: Bad ass Viking

Harald the Soft – A not so bad ass Viking

Henry I the Fowler – Liked hunting birds.

Henry the Green Gallant – Spent his life chasing women.

Henry the Lion – Barbarossa declared him an outlaw.

Henry the Proud – His good qualities brought out envy and jealousy in others.

Henry I the Strong – Died while wearing his armour.

Herman the Learned ?

Hlif the Castrator of Horses - Another bad ass Viking

Hugh the Great – First to recognize Lothair as successor to Louis IV.

Ivan the Terrible – Only terrible on the list, leave it to the Russians. “Russian terrible
is best Terrible!”

Ivar the Boneless – Looked weird.

James the Just – Considered to have virtue.

Joachim the Dandy – Spent the treasury on clothes.

Joanna the Mad – Crazy, not angry.

John the Deacon – Take your pick, there are at least six of them.

John the Elder – Maybe wrote part of the Bible.

John Balliol the Empty Cloak – He did not have a solid claim to the crown, hence was without a coat of arms.

John the Good ?

John the Posthumous – Was not recognized by historians as king until after his death. Lot of good it did him.

Julian the Apostate - Last pagan Emperor of the Roman Empire.

Justinian the Great – Tried and failed to reestablish the Roman Empire in the west.

Justinian the Slit-nosed: Got deposed and his nose was cut off to prevent him from seeking the throne again. Did not work. He got a gold nose cone replacement and retook the throne. (Naso d'oro)

Ladislau the Magnanimous – Rival poisoned him but he survived and killed his rivals.

Ladislaus the Posthumous – Born after his father’s death.

Leo the Butcher - Also the Great – Assassinated his patron and died of dysentery.

Leo the Little ?

Leo II the Magnificent – Made Armenia Great Again.

Leo the Wise – Well-read and learned.

Leopold I the Illustrious – Died from an arrow shot accidently into his eye during a tournament.

Leopold I the Glorious – Ornament of his Fatherland, unique solace to the clergy.

Leopold II the Fair – Supported the anti-king Count Hermann.

Leopold III the Good – His skull, wearing a crown, is on display in a glass case.

Leopold III the Just - Received the city of Trieste as a reward for conquering Venice.

Leopold the Fat – Does not look fat in his portrait.

Leopold IV the Generous – Traded a church for land.

Leopold V the Virtuous – A horse crushed his foot during a tournament. His physicians recommended the foot be amputated but did not the expertise to do it themselves, so he ordered his servant to do the deed. It took three chops and he later died of gangrene.

Ljot the Unwashed – Must have been a Viking.

Lodivico the Moor – Was dark.

Lorenzo the Magnificent – Patron of everything.

Louis the Child – Became king when he was six.

Louis the Desired – Inhaled snuff off the breasts of his mistress.

Louis the Fat – Became too fat to lead his armies in the field.

Louis the Good – Instituted administrative reforms.

Louis the Just – Under the spell of Richelieu.

Louis the German – His sons rebelled against him.

Louis the Great – He was the state.

Louis the Lion – Died of dysentery.

Louis the Pious – Sent his sisters to a nunnery and expanded Christianity across the Elbe.

Louis the Quarreler – Allowed the previously expelled Jews to return to France, ended slavery and let serfs to buy their freedom.

Louis the Saint – A king who ate with the poor.

Louis the Stammererererer

Louis the Universal Spider – Called Universal Spider because he set up a road network across France. Helped the Merchant class and appointed qualified nobodies and commoners as his advisors. Even way back then a network was called a web.

Louis the Young – Beat Charles the Bald in battle.

Magnus the Good?

Magnus the Great?

Margaret the Deft – Made walrus ivory chess pieces.

Martin the Elder?

Martin the Younger?

Matthias the Just – Wandered among his people in disguise to see how they lived.

Maximilian the Last Knight – Travelled with his coffin.

Michael the Caulker - Made ships and became emperor.

Michael the Drunkard - Falsely named by his enemies and it stuck.

Nestor the Chronicler – Sent on a mission to find the relics of St. Theodosius and was successful.

Niccolo the Lame – A condottiere.

Nikephoros the Finance Minister - Captured by his enemies and his skull was made into a drinking cup.

Odo the Great – First king to defeat the Umayyads. Honored in the Vita Pardulfi.

Olaf the Witch-Breaker – yet another bad ass Viking.

Otto the Great – Punished malefactors by having them walk the streets carrying dead dogs.

Otto the Illustrious – For someone illustrious he did not leave much of a mark.

Otto the Merry – Liked to party.

Otto II the Red – Invited his enemies to dinner and executed them.

Pandolf the Ironhead – If his name began with a G instead of a P he’d be a great Hobbit.

Pedinas the Crooked Arrow - During a tournament his poorly aimed shot hit the King in the eye and killed him.

Pedinas the Sure Shot - During a tournament his well aimed shot hit the King in the eye and killed him.

Pepin the Hunchback – Unsuccessfully tried to overthrow his father and was condemned to a Monastery.

Pepin the Short – Wore his hair short, contrary to custom.

Peter the Great – Westernized the east.

Philip the Amorous – Dumped his first wife, claiming she was too fat, then took up with another woman.

Philip the Bold – Fought beside his father at age fourteen.

Philip the Fair – Expelled the Jews and killed off the Knight Templars. Owed money to both.

Philip the Magnanimous – Early supporter of Protestantism. Manage to get religious
authorities to sanction his bigamy. Constantly chased women and being a king he caught a lot of them. Martin Luther said he was “Constantly in a state of adultery and fornification.” Today he would be Philip the Lecherous.

Philip the Tall – During his reign there arose a popular Shepherd’s Crusade to fight the Moors in Iberia. As the Crusade went south they attacked castles, royal officials, priests, lepers and Jews.

Piast the Wheelwright – He made wheels then ran his Lord’s household and usurped power and became Emperor.

Piero the Gouty – A miserable Medici with the gout.

Piero the Unfortunate – Got his family, the Medicis, kicked out of Florence for his poor leadership. Drowned while fleeing a lost battle.

Pliny the Elder – Died from the effects of the Mount Vesuvius eruption of 79 A.D.

Pliny the Younger – Was a nephew of the Elder and a writer.

Ramesses the Great – Built a pyramid.

Raud the Strong – Refused to accept Christianity and was killed by having a snake forced down his throat.

Richard the Fearless – Good at War.

Richard the Good – Deeply religious.

Richard the Lion Hearted – To raise money for the Crusades he claimed he would have sold London if he could find a buyer.

Rene the Good – Founded the Order of the Crossaint.

Robert the Bruce – Freed Scotland.

Robert the Lame – Considered himself the worst of kings and most miserable of men.

Robert the Magnificent or the Devil - Mixed opinions.

Robert the Pious – Very holy, supported riots against the Jews, forced conversions and burned heretics at the stake.


Robert the Strong –Was considered a second Maccabaeus.

Robert the Wise – Dante called him the king of words.

Rudolf II the Debonair – Tycho Brae told him his horoscope was the same as his pet lion’s. When the lion died he locked himself in his rooms and died three days later.

Rudolf III the Idle – Weak and his rule was marked by idleness and disruption.

Rudolf IV the Founder – Founded the University of Vienna

Rollo the Walker – So tall that when he rode a horse his feet dragged the ground.

Sigismund the Rich – Controlled many silver mines.

Sigrid the Haughty – Had two suitors burned to death to discourage other suitors.

Sigurd Snake in the Eye – Born with a mark in his eye that resembled a snake biting
its tail, aka the ouroboros.

Sigrid the Stout ?

Smbat the Martyr – Surrendered to his enemies in hopes of stopping their attacks and was beheaded.

Smbat II the Conqueror ?

Sweyn the Forkbeard – Was bearded.

Tarquin the Proud – Overthrew his predecessor and then he was overthrown.

Theodosius the Great – Last Emperor of the combined eastern and western Roman Empire. Massacred 7,000 Thessalonicans after they rebelled.

Thorir the Troll-Burster – These Vikings just don’t quit.

Thoros II the Great – Ruled for 25 years then quit and became a monk.

Thorkell the Tall – Lost face and was cast out after his wife was found to have poisoned his son by using witchcraft.

Timothy the Weasel – It fit, he was one.

Tryviggi the Pretender ?

Valdemar the Great – Rebuilt war torn Denmark.

Valdemar the Victorious – Had his invasion of pagan Estonia declared a Crusade by the pope.

Valdemar the Young – Killed in a hunting accident before he became king.

Vincenzo the Well-armed – Had many guns.

William the Bad – or Wicked - Refused to bow to the church. Pope encouraged the barons to revolt. William crushed, blinded and destroyed them. Church won the narrative so he’s wicked.

William the Good – Not called the Good until decades after his death. His reign was quiet, peaceful and prosperous. The reigns before and after his were not.
Didn’t know what we got til it’s gone. Both the Good and the Bad are Sicilian, unfortunately there is no William the Ugly.

William the Conqueror Conquered England in three months.

William the Courteous – How would history have turned out if William the Conqueror had been named William the Courteous?

William the Iron Arm – Won his name by killing the Emir of Syracuse in single combat.

William the Elder – See below.

William the Middle – To distinguish him from an Elder and a Younger

William the Younger – See above.

William the Silent – He was not silent, known for a speech in which he said a monarch should not tell his people what to believe. First king assassinated with a handgun.

William the Stable – As in even minded, not how he smelled.

Yaroslav the Wise – Under him Kiev flourished.

Zoe of the Coal Black Eyes - The most beautiful woman in the Byzantine Empire.

Zoe the Purple Born – Another non-royal.