I Know, Pretend You Don't

Where do I begin?
How do I start?

Should I be blunt?
Would passive be better?

Do I start with “Can I
express my feelings without repercussion?’?
Or should it be “I want to
discuss what’s upsetting me.”?

It’s not an easy thing.
To say I don’t feel respected.

What if he explains how I’m
wrong in usual fashion?
How would I respond were he to
counter with my recent disrespect?

He’s told me he was verbally abusive before.
That he doesn’t want his words to hurt me again.

But the thing is when he
goes off about trivial things.
And when he’s sweet and loving around
friends but treats me like an invalid alone.

Those words do hurt me.
I do take it to heart.

I know that I’m usually
wrong and dismantle what I touch.
My conscious eye immediately
sees when my actions displease you.

My countless errors are not unknown.
I don’t need a scheduled reminder.

While my efforts do usually fall
short of the expected outcome.
And I’m often prone to seeming like a
defiant and misguided child I’m not.

I know that I’m habitually wrong.
That I can take things too hard.

But aren’t you the one person I should
feel safe showing that to?
The one that should be putting me in an
individual space of expectations and consideration?

I know I’m a catastrophic mess.
But please protect my fragile heart and
don’t show me that you do.