Mama I Miss You

5 years ago,
You couldn't tell me that I'd be here.
I was 12 years old and scared out of my mind.
My worst fears began to kick down my door,
Foaming at the mouth seeking to devour any source of happiness that it can find.

I can still hear its footsteps crackling
every piece of wood that leads to my bedroom.
But at least it left me a gift to cherish.

All 10 carrots of my mother's wedding ring.
Engraved with hidden feelings I vowed to my soul not to tell.
Her ring meant more to me than just holy matrimony.
It represented the commitment to a new sorrow that I couldn't comprehend yet,
The emptiness that grew inside of my chest the moment I saw that truck.

You know, that big white truck that people only see when wifey decides that its time
to U-HAUL her life to another home
My fears made sure images from that night would always linger in my head!
This creating scars of a new breed, that remained unseen, I swore before God that
day that I'd never do this to my queen!
Mama I promise I'm not trying to diss you!
Because for so long my heart has silently screamed I miss you!

I miss the aroma of your home cooked meals as they perpetrated my lungs.
I miss walking into your room,
And being reminded of your elegance through your perfume.
I miss running to the steps to watch my father greet you with love
and a kiss after you came home from work.
I miss watching you praise the Almighty with your movements.
As he moved through your body whenever the music played.

Mama I miss you!
And although within our hearts we were never that close.
Just know that your son still loves you.