My ideas of fun have always been different than those around me. My ideas of living have been strange to them for a long, long time. To me, living is not breathing. Living is not when your heart beats and your blood flows. Living is when you get lost in something, a movie or a song or a story that you write for six hours a day in the summer when your friends go on trips.
But for them, those things don't matter. They are still alive when they don't have that. And I am alive, in most ways, but I am lost. I think and I feel with no distinction, and I write as normally as I breathe. That is a part of me that I can never leave, ever. No matter how many times I fail, no matter how many times I have to stop after 20 pages, I can't leave it. It doesn't matter if I am writing all the time, it doesn't matter if the times I don't write I am constantly thinking about my story. I live through my characters because I don't know who I am. Not yet.
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