As I'm told

I have taken every wrong turn in life. From the bad guys, to the bad girls, to the bad drugs to make the memories temporarily fade. Walking through the school halls with the principles hand latched around my arm with my head bowed in shame feeling all the stares burn through my back...all I can think is
"This isn't me".
Seeing my parents face. I always get the same feeling. Every. Damn. Time. Closing my eyes as one parent screaming turns into 2. Running up stairs and locking the door because they always blame each other, from screams of anger to screams of pain.
AND THEY QUESTION WHY I'M SO DAMN AGGRESSIVE?..
I go back to school with my head held high with all the empty promises made to me once again. Then I hear those voices, I see those eyes. I'm only told to deal with it. I'm told they do is cause they're jealous, cause they like me...then they wonder why I allow everyone I care for to hurt me? I was told that's how I know they like me back!
Even when that boy grabbed in a way I didn't like, I was told it was the way I dress. I was told it was they way I spoke. I was told as a girl I have responsibilities so men don't think of me as someone to hurt... by being someone I'm not. By keeping my voice down. By covering up on a hot day because no matter how uncomfortable I am, if any attention is drawn to me then I have to deal with the consequences of men.
Yet my parents have the audacity to ask why I would do those things with that boy... well I brought attention to myself. Duh. They'll never believe who told me things, so they blame me for brainwashing myself. I need to learn how to take responsibilities for my own actions! There will never be anyone else to blame but me.
Well I have. The scars are there to prove it. Then all the therapist and nurses at the hospital ask why I am punishing myself for something I can't control.. well, because...
If I hurt myself before anyone else can, then I win. right?
I listened to everything I've been told but somehow my actions are continuously questioned.