The World's Most Boring Human

Charles Nelson finished his binge watching of C-SPAN for 20 hours straight with acute satisfaction. He felt confident that he could now engage customers at the post office where he worked in political debates of any type.

However, his former enthusiasm for political debate had abated by the time he clocked in. This was due to not getting any sleep which left Charles in a groggy and grumpy mood. As soon as he arrived the phone rang, and he decided that the person calling could listen to hold music while he took a short nap in the back of the sorting room.

When it came his turn to work at the front desk he made sure to take his time weighing packages, quoting the rules and regulations, and processing transactions. This allowed him to show his political prowess with the many customers stuck in line. Most people in line agreed with him on whatever political stance he took, he suspected (only briefly) that people were just patronizing him to get the line moving; a more likely explanation is that people realized that he had superior knowledge of politics than anyone else.

People really should stop and smell the roses more often, Charles thought to himself as he drove home at 30 m.p.h. in the left lane on the freeway. People should be thanking me for going slowly instead of honking and speeding past. Life is short. They should really enjoy it more.

The Home Shopping Network was really on fire tonight! Charles thought to himself. First a battery literally caught fire, and then later while demonstrating the strength and stability of a katana, the HSN host whacked the table too hard and got a knife tip in his ribs. Mustn't have hurt him too bad since no one came to his aid.

That night Charles had no trouble getting to sleep, in fact he nearly slept through his alarm reminding him of the doctor appointment that he had. Charles quickly got dressed thinking: It will be great to discuss politics with people outside of work, the doctor's waiting room will become a political forum for me to pontificate.

The doctor's office proved to be disappointing. The free wifi there was very slow and most people in the waiting room were more interested in complaining about the speed of the internet than listening to him explain why tariffs and sanctions should or should not be instigated on various countries.

Charles did his best to ignore the people honking and waving their middle fingers at him as he drove home from the doctor. Ignoring the other drivers was made easier because Charles was expecting a delivery.

The delivery wasn't there when Charles got home. He paced up and down the driveway. Why is the mail so slow? Finally his package arrived and he hurriedly opened the box adding the 50th traffic cone to his collection.

The next day inspiration struck. I'll take the train to work. People at the train stop will not have wifi to complain about, and I will be able to discuss politics with everyone as they wait for the train to arrive.

The train station also turned out to be a disappointment. When did they install televisions at the train station? How can people be more interested in cereal commercials, the Kardashians, and sports analysis than talking with me about politics?

The kicker in all this was the young lady who spent all her time taking selfies garnered more interest on the train than anything Charles wanted to discuss. What's wrong with people? It's not like I'm trying to sell people the book 50 Shades of Gray, or discuss the winners of last night's horse races. I'm trying to have a reasonable and relevant conversation with you all!