Fear

Fear is the hardest of them all if I can say so myself.
the fear of getting hurt, the fear of really telling what you feel...
it always comes back to fear.

Ever felt so alone? well that is what fear does...
I never cry in public, I always am calm and collected. but that is on the outside, on the inside i am hurt and build a wall so high i don't know if someone can ever tear it down.

To people on the outside it looks like I am strong but that is far from it. sure, in some way I am strong but most of my strength is based on fear.
you know what the weird part is, I am very social around people and I like to have fun. but what nobody really sees, is that I never get to personal with them and that they are the ones talking most of the time. that way it makes it easier for me to let them go and not get attached.

Now comes the hard part, letting dose walls down. and yes, I am also talking about my walls.

It is really hard and it is going to take a lot of time, but every time it gets better. I try every day to say more of what I think and let people know what I feel, it is really hard and you are going to break down more than ones but it is worth it.
I gained a best friend for life in this period and I did a lot of things I didn't know I would ever do.
Now I am going to the US for a whole year alone and it is exciting and scary. I still have fear in me but so what I am human, not a robot. My walls aren't fully back down yet and it will maybe take years, but what I already have accomplished and the people I met. IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT.

I have to say fear isn't a great experience and it can be really hard, but in the end, it can make you strong on the inside and not just on the outside for people to see. So, don't be afraid and try to take the first step, and i am not going to lie it is going to be hard.