I Did What She Wanted

I Did What She Wanted


A whisper woke me in the night,

a soft sigh said, "It's Time. Please hold me tight."

Oh God, I tried, but it hurt her so.

I sat beside the bed and gently held her hand.

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted.

I let her die that morning.

So very peaceful,

with only me there,

Holding her hand,

Like we‘d agreed.

“Our kids will be angry,” I said.

“I love you,” she said.

“And I you, for all of time and a little more.”

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted.

I wanted her to live,

I hurt wanting to call for help,

I couldn't.

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted.

She had forgotten so I remembered our first time for her,

Looking up at me and saying, "Tell me."

Two simple words that changed my world,

Eyes that were a gateway into paradise,

They carried a request that made me give her what she wanted,

That first time.

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted.

I handed her my being, my soul,

She took it gently as I handed it with words, "I Love You."

She held it tightly to her breast for forty years and cherished me

Crying when I told her that and told her more,

Remembering other times for her.

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted.

For a half a day, twelve so short hours.

She had forgotten,

So I remembered for her,

Told her of all the fun,

Told her of all the love,

Told her of all the children,

All the grand children,

Great grand children too.

Many stories,

Always love,

And we laughed,

And we cried.

Together,

as we had for all that time,

So short a time then,

And I loved her even more.

I did what she wanted

I always did what she wanted

At the end I gently held her hand,

Telling her again I'd love her till the end of time, then a little longer.

She whispered her last wish to me,

"Do not give up, please live for me,”

"Please. I love you Paul."

Then gave my hand a final squeeze,

A final sigh and,

her eyes closed,

forever.

I died too that day,

Touching her,

Feeling her get cold,

I hated God for that.

I will never be the same again,

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted.

I still do what she wants.

The authorities were not pleased I hadn't called,

That I did what she asked of me.

They finally let me go,

I was too old to understand,

But I knew,

We had planned it all.

Now I try to care, but it's so very hard.

I'm so alone now,

I understand despair,

A black pit that draws me with a force I fight,

The true opening into Hell.

She guards me from that,

Pulls me from the brink.

I did what she wanted, I always did what she wanted,

I still do what she wants.

Now, God,

If you are there,

can someone please help me?

Forgive me,

I'm so alone,

things are so bleak,

And I'm so frightened all the time.

I did what she wanted, God, I Always did what she wanted,

For all those years,

That's how I always wanted it to be.

If YOU are there God,

Thank you!

For giving her to me,

For giving me to her,

For giving us our children,

For all those years of joy and happiness,

Two lives were lived,

In that so short a time.

(99 Lines)


For Carol, my love and my wife for 45 years; born 27 September 1937 - died 15 January 2015. I’ll love you for eternity, and a little while longer.

~Paul

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