Breakfast in Oz

On the morning after our first glimpse of the Emerald City, the four of us woke up early...but one of us woke up dead. Certainly not for lack of trying on my part.

"Tin Man! What did you do?" I said.

His axe was buried deep in Scarecrow's back, and that brainless fool was split like a warm-up log before the Gettysburg address.

The Cowardly Lion opened his eyes at the sound of my voice, just in time to see me release the rather large stone I was holding over his head. If only he'd had the courage to look around as I'd dragged it across the yellow brick road for the last thirty minutes, my favorite slippers might not be dripping ruby-red right now.

Tin Man rolled his eyes toward me as if his neck was too stiff to turn.

"Twasn't me whatever it was, I swear. I can't move...feels like I have straw stuffed in all my joints."

"Don't worry about it," I said cheerfully, prying at an axe buried in scarecrow back. "I'll be with you in just a minute."

Big, oily tears leaked from his eyes when I stepped into view carrying that shiny blade covered in bits of chaff.

"Oh please Dorothy, don't you have a heart?"

"Not for you," I said, and swung as hard as I could. The shrieking, squalling sound of metal rending metal rang across the valley, stirring flocks of alarmed and screeching birds into the air.

I dropped the axe and surveyed my handiwork, feeling pride in a job well done...and maybe a little hungry. The sun was shining, I heard the sound of birds in the distance--this was a beautiful day to arrive in OZ.

To take my wizard throne.

I took one last look over my shoulder. What had they done? They'd gotten me this far, but in all of our talks, and songs, and dances, they'd seemed incapable of grasping this one simple truth: there were no job placements for Wizard's Minions. It wasn't Wizard and crew.

There could only be one.

Happiness carried me forward, skipping along a road of gold, and I thought about what I might have for breakfast...and if old charlatan is as tough to chew as it sounds.

My name is Dorothy, and I didn't claw my way here from the bowels of Kansas to be held back by the Three Stooges of Munchkinland.

There's a city shining like an emerald before me and I'll have you today, my pretty, oh yes I will...