Loud house of Horror I

The Louding
Lincoln comes back home after his sisters make on their own and then he accidentally talked about Lynn's problem with Lisa's spitting and Lana's problem with Lola's snoring. After the sisters fight once again, Lincoln takes cover in his parents' room to avoid the brawl

Lincoln: This fight is even more ridiculous!

Lynn Sr.: Don't worry, son! It's only a matter of time!

[The fighting stops]

[Lincoln cautiously peeks out of his parents' door]

LINCOLN: You guys stopped already?

LYNN: You bet! Thanks for not butting in!

LORI: We literally appreciate it.

LINCOLN: Thanks? Thanks?! Are you kidding me?!

LORI: Easy, Lincoln.

LINCOLN: You had no idea what I went through the other day! All I did was trying to help! I was concerned about your conflict! But instead, you solved it on your own by making me leave?! Some sister fight protocol! And nobody didn't tell me about it!

LYNN: Lincoln, we...

LINCOLN: I'm not done! What I said about who did what was just a minor setback! And besides, you guys fight each other all the time! Even when I get caught up in the fight!

LUAN: [to her sisters] He's got a point.

LINCOLN: I always cared about you and helped you out and that's the thanks I get?! And also, you gave me a hard time too! Ever since the dress incident, you wouldn't let me eat, watch TV and go to the bathroom! Not to mention, you borrowed my room and bed sheets without my permission! And it didn't seem fair for me! I didn't leave because of your fight! I left because I was under stress! Well, if that's how you wanna do it from now on, then maybe I don't want to spend time with you anymore!

LUNA: But, bro...

LINCOLN: Don't "Bro" me! I had it! My decision is final! There's only one way to solve this! [He kills this parents and point a gun at his sisters but they run before Lincoln shoot them.]

In Lincoln's room...

Lori: Hmm. What he's typed will be a window into his madness. (Reads from the typewriter) "Feelin' fine." Well, that's a relief.

[A flash of lightning reveals "No fun and no happy make Linky go crazy" written all over the walls]

LINCOLN'S SISTERS: (Terrified) Oooooooooh! (looks around)

LORI: This is less encouraging...

LINCOLN: (enters the room) Hello!
LINCOLN'S SISTERS: (screams)
LINCOLN: What do you think, girls? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of "No fun and no happy make Linky... something something..."
LENI: (worried) Go crazy?
LINCOLN: Don’t mind if I do! (Goes on a mad rant)
(Lola breaks open a case labelled "Break glass in case of spousal insanity" and grabs the baseball bat within)
LOLA: Stay away from us, Lincoln!
LINCOLN: (chasing his sisters up some stairs) Give me the bat, Lola. Gimme the bat. Come on. Gimme the bat. Gimme the bat! (makes scary face and laughs) Scaredy cats! Bleaahhh... (Makes another scary face, then sees himself in a mirror, shrieks and falls down the stairs, knocking himself out)
[Lincoln's sisters leaves unconscious Lincoln locked in a pantry]
LORI: You stay here until you're no longer insane. Hmm, chili would be good tonight.
[Some time later]
LINCOLN: (Homer chops into a room) Heeeere's Johnny!
(camera pulls back to reveal empty room)
LINCOLN: D'oh!
(chops into another room)
LINCOLN: Daaaaavid Letterman!
ALBERT: Hi David, I'm Albert.
LINCOLN: D'oh!
(chops down another door)
LINCOLN: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley! All this and Andy Rooney tonight on "60 Minutes"!
LOUD SISTERS`: (run off screaming)
LORI: Wait, I got my phone! Let's call help!

[Later...]

CHANDLER: All right, loony: show me what you got!

(Lincoln drives an axe into his back)
CHANDLER: Aw, is that the best you can do? (collapses)
Lori: Oh my! I hope that rug was "Scotchgarded"
[Lincoln's sisters run outside and run away in the snow as Lisa trips as she spots a hand-held TV.]
Lisa: Brother, look! (holds it up)
Lincoln: Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading... rising! Fading, fading... gone. (family sighs in relief) Come, family. Sit in the snow with Linky and let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming glow.(Later, they're all encased in ice)
TV Announcer: Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards, with your hosts Tyne Daly and Hal Linden!
Lynn: Lincoln.. change the channel!
Lincoln: Can't! Frozen! ("One" from "A Chorus Line" plays) Urge to kill...rising...
The Exorbrother
A demon statue is dug out of the underground. It says Chris Savino but a sticker that says "Pazuzu" covers it. It is put in a box as the hand writes "A gift for Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa and Lily" on the box. It arrives at the Loud House.

Rita: Lincoln's first Pazuzu! (To Lincoln) Your sisters bought this because... (to Lincoln's sisters) Why did you buy this?

Lori: We thought it was pizza.

Rita: I'll send it back tomorrow.

Suddenly, the girl's friends arrive

Carol: Are you done here?

The Girls: Uhh... Yeah.

When the family and friends leave Lincoln's room, Pazuzu's eyes turn red as Lincoln looks directly at the eyes

At the party...

Lori: Yeah, this is literally the best party ever! [She sees Lincoln] Hey Lincoln! Go back to your stupid, twerpy room, Go, go!

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): No one leaves alive!

Lori (As Lincoln floats downstairs): Hey, he's doing impressions.

Luna: He should be invited. Did anyone get that?

Chandler: My phone got a glitch! It's showing him as a demon while everyone else is norma- (gets killed by an axe.)

Everyone gasps. One of them gasps longer as that bothers everyone. Pazuzu kills her.

Lori: Oh thank god!

In Lincoln's room.

Pazuzu is strapped up by Bud Grouse (Mr. Grouse) as the Loud sisters look worried.

Mr. Grouse: There, that will hold him.

Pazuzu makes Mr. Grouse fall. When he reached the ground, a toy police car comes.

Mr. Grouse (weakly): Oh good, the police is here. [The police car drives in his mouth, choking him.]

Rita: The exorcist should be here by now!

Leni: Whatever, Lincoln taught Lily what a circle is!

[Pazuzu makes Lincoln's head turn around 360 degrees.]

Leni: Ok, whoever he stops on has to buy Lincoln a new comic book, which he wants to have flaming, hot lava!

Lola: That's because you never want to do it.

Lincoln's head stops on Leni who gasps. The exorcist appears.

The Exorcist: I'll take that! I usually do babies but now a grown boy?

He takes out a "Farm Animals Sounds" nursery book.

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): The chicken goes (LOUD DEMON SCREECH)

The screech burns the book.

The Exorcist: Alright, Release him!

The parents cut off the ropes as Lincoln floats.

The Exorcist: Devil be out! [The family looks at him, confused] Well, I say it 3 times. Devil be out!

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind.

Lisa: Does that mean are not as powerful as the south wind or the west wind? How lame is that?

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu): I used to be very important! Google it!

The Exorcist: Devil be out!

Lincoln (possessed by Pazuzu who is leaving Lincoln's body): GOOOOOOGLE IIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!

Lincoln: Yay! I'm back!

The Exorcist: Hold on, Pazuzu is still among us.

Suddenly, Lynn's head turns 360 degrees.

Pazuzu: Let me out! Let me out! This girl has the darkest soul I've ever seen! It's worse than working for David Schwimmer!

Lynn: Yo, Pazuzu, grow me some horns.

[Pazuzu grows Lynn some horns]

Lori: Heh, heh. Those aren't horns, those are nubs.

[Lynn's horns grow larger and they impale Lori through the nose]

Lori: No, no! Well, at least they'll get me out of jury duty.

[Gilligan cut to Lori in jury duty, with a dismembered horn, still up her nose]

Lori: D'oh!

Night of the Living Louds
Newsman: Once again, a character is killed. On his neck, two teeth marks. This black cape was found in the scene. Police are battled.

Police: I think a was a supernatural being. Possibly a mummy

Lincoln: No, no they're wrong! The creature they seek is the walking undead! Nosferatu!

The family is confused.

Lincoln: A vampire!

Lynn Sr laughs

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln, vampires are make-belive. Just like those gremlins.

Newsman: Also, in an unrelated note, Sergio had just closed the deal to the blood bank.

Sergio: Oh, I'm very excited for the deal! [Licks the blood on his mouth] Mmm...Blood.

Lynn Sr: Good deal!

While driving to Pennsylvania

Lynn Sr: In was sure nice of Sergio the invite us to his midnight dinner in (scary) Pennsylvania!

Lincoln: There's something weird about this.

Rita: Lincoln, stop being so suspicious! Did anyone wash their neck like Sergio asked?

The Kids: Yes.

Lynn Sr. (holding a dirty rag): Sure did.

They arrive.

Lynn Sr rings the doorbell. They enter.

When they do, Sergio magically appears.

Sergio: Well, isn't it my good friends the-uh?

Sergio's sidekick: Louds, sir

Sergio: Louds, eh? Excellent! [He leaves, his shadow plays with a yo-yo before leaving]

Lincoln: Dad, did you notice anything strange?

Lynn Sr: Uh, the weirdo looks cute.

Sergio: I heard that!

Lynn Sr.: It was the girls!

At the dining room.

Lynn Sr.: Ohh! Punch

Lincoln sniffs the punch.

Lincoln: Eww! Dad, this is blood!

Lynn Sr.: No, this is free blood. [He drinks it]

Lincoln spill some blood on him.

Lincoln: Whoops! My sisters and I need to clean up!

Lynn: You didn't put any on us.

Lincoln wipes his blood on his sister as they run off.

Up stairs

Lana: Lincoln, Sergio isn't a vampire. Even if he was, he won't stumble into the secret room.

Luna leans on a fire holder. It is a secret room. It is a secret laundry room.

Lincoln: You're right, let's go back to (gasps) [There actually is a secret vampire room]

Lincoln: Satisfied?

Lisa: Big deal, it's no different than Pop Pop's restroom.

Lincoln: Look! [He stop a book that is called "Yes, I am a vampire" by Sergio] Oh my god!

The vampires come out of the coffins, shocking 9 of The Loud Sisters. In order to get Lincoln's attention, Lori does an impression of Shemp from The Three Stooges but it doesn't work.

Lincoln: Please Lori, I've seen your Shemp.

The vampire gets close to the Loud Kids so in order to get Lincoln's attention, Lori does an impression of Curly from again The Three Stooges but once again, it doesn't work.

Lincoln: Yeah, I've seen your Curly too.

Lincoln's sister scream as a vampire's hand slams the book causing Lincoln to scream with his sisters.

Chandler: Don't worry guys! I'm coming to rescue all of you! I'll be- (gets stabbed in the back by a vampire with an axe) Ahh! Auugh! I'm at this! (dies)

Lincoln was able to make it up the stairs but Leni saw a...

Leni: Super Fun Happy Slide! I know I shouldn't, but what are odds I going to be here again?

Leni pulls the lever causing the steps to turn to a slide.

Lori, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lola, Lana, Lisa and Lily scream as they slide down, while Leni and Lucy say Yay!

When they see the vampires, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lola, Lana, Lisa and Lily scream as they slide down, while Lucy says Yay!

They then get attacked by the vampires. Sergio flies to Lincoln's sisters as a bat.

Sergio: Hello...girls!

Lincoln runs to the parents.

Lincoln: Guys! Sergio is a vampire, and he had the girls! (cries)

Sergio: Why your sisters are right here!

Lynn Sr: Oh, Lincoln! You and your crazy stories! "My sisters are vampires." "Soda for adults causes brain damage." Now let's go back to...the place where... our TV and bed...is.

In Lincoln's room

Lincoln wakes up in the of the night and opens the curtains revealing his sisters and they bit his friends

Luna: Come join us, bro, it's so cool! You get to stay up all night drinking blood!

Ronnie Anne: And if you say that you're a vampire, you get a free soda and popcorn to the movies!

Lincoln: No! I'll never join you!

Lisa: Brother, it's not like you had a choice here!

Lincoln's sisters break through Lincoln's window and get ready to bite him until Lynn Sr busts in.

Lynn Sr: Girls, what did I say about biting-Wait! You are vampires!

Albert: Quick! We have to kill the girls!

Rita: How did you know that they're vampires?

Albert: They're vampires?!?! Ahhhh!

The girls laugh as they turn into bats and fly out the window.

Rita: We have to stop this! Today they're vampires, tomorrorow they might be smoking!

Lincoln: We have to kill the vampire that bit them! Sergio!

Lynn Sr: My boss!?!?

At Sergio's house

Lincoln, Rita, and Lynn are going downstairs of the vampire room.

Lynn Sr: Oh, Super Fun Happy Slide!

Lincoln: No, dad!

They reach the coffin where Sergio is sleeping in Lynn Sr nails the board.

Lincoln: Uh, dad... That's his private part.

Lynn Sr: Oh.

He renails the board on his heart. Sergio screams as he dies. He comes back from the dead.

Sergio: You're fired! (goes back to being dead.)

Lynn Sr: D'oh!

At the Loud house

The Louds are eating cereal.

Lincoln: I'm so glad everything is back to normal.

Albert flies by as a vampire.

Albert: I am a vampire and I'm going suck your... (falls)

Lincoln: Pop pop's a vampire?

Luna: We're all vampires.

Lincoln: But how? We killed Sergio!

Lynn Sr: You need to kill the head vampire!

Lincoln: And, that's you?

Rita: No, it's me! (evil laughter)

Lincoln: Mom!?

Rita: Well, I do have a life outside this house you know.

The family gets ready to bites Lincoln.

Loud Family (to you): Happy Halloween Everybody!

Loud Family (to the tune of the first two lyrics of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing): Oh Ohh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh. (While singing Clyde is playing a piano a là Schrodener while Charles dances on it a là Snoopy).

The end.