Love and Difficulties

Now, everyone says college is fun-- ad don't get me wrong it is. There is a lot to do. Fun work out classes, study groups, clubs and boys. Boys is where it always seems to go downhill for me. I didn't come to school thinking that I would fall in love with someone. I just assumed that from past experience, that maybe love wasn't for me. But, for some unknown reason, God placed a blonde-haired, blue-eyed angel in my life. His name, Ernie. It started out as just a simple friendship, but soon it developed into something more. He was like a drug for me... Things then started to go down hill for him and I. We were completely different and yes, we had a lot in common, like a common love for the Pittsburgh Penguins, Harry Potter, and Star Wars. He was handsome, athletic, tall, he had this sense of mystery. He was unlike any one I had ever met before. Different. But the good kind. The love I had for him was unmatched to any other love I've ever given. He was strong and unafraid of anything. He made me feel safe. He built me and my dreams up. He believed in me. But, for some reason, I pushed him away. When you have anxiety you constantly think that you're going to be left, and whenever you fall hard in love with a guy, it's hard to control that anxiety.

I would love to have this special person back in my life, things are weird and I miss him. I normally don't talk about my issues or problems and I probably should. But, whenever I was with him, everything seemed to melt away. He gives me fireworks still; when i hear his voice, or someone says his name. It puts chills thorughout my body.

I know, I should probably fight for him back, but i don't have any fight left in me. Being in love with someone like I was, it takes a lot out of you. I'm emotionslly exhausted. I'll love him from a distance but I think he truly knows how much I love him.