2 Crazy Divas

NOTE: This is my first draft of a 10 minute play so please let me know what you think.

Scene: Lights up on a living room with a couch placed center stage and a desk upstage left.
A blonde girl sits cuddled in a blanket on the couch, a girl with brunette hair enters the house through door stage right.

BLONDE. Finally home and without even texting me and telling me you were on your way.
BRUNETTE. I’m not about to give you the chance to warn him that I’m coming.
BLONDE. Yes because you coming home without warning forced me to hide him under the couch.
BRUNETTE. Don’t you dare get smart with me missy because of the two of us, I’m not the whore!
BLONDE. Wow! You really wanna do this again today huh?
BRUNETTE. (throwing hands up in the air in frustration) Cut! Cut! Cut! No no no no. Why can’t you remember your freaking lines? We are set to open in 6 days!
BLONDE. I know my lines….well enough. You are just so damn picky.
BRUNETTE. The lines are perfect and should be said exactly as I wrote them.
BLONDE. (whines and stamps her foot) Why can’t you learn to respect my artistic differences?
BRUNETTE. (groans in frustration) Your art is not the problem here, it is simply the fact that you have an absolutely worthless memory!
BLONDE. You promised not to yell at me this time!
BRUNETTE. (Takes a slow deep breath) I know hun and I’m sorry but you know this production is my- erh- I mean it's our chance to make it big, so let's do this again only the line is “So this is how you wanna spend another day huh?” now you ready to rock this?
BLONDE. Ok darlin I got it this time I swear. From the top?
BRUNETTE. No lets just start from your cue.
(Girls get back into their places)
BRUNETTE. Don’t you dare get smart with me missy because of the two of us, I’m not the whore!
BLONDE. Wow! So this is how you wanna spend another day huh?
BRUNETTE. Don’t turn this on me! You are the one who ran off to suck some penis.
BLONDE. Ha! Well atleast I can talk about men without being awkward and weird.
BRUNETTE. (Growls in frustration) Cut!
BLONDE. What the hell did I do now?
BRUNETTE. Oh nothing much you just continue to butcher my lines. I’m not trying to be a know it all here but I did write them that way for a reason so maybe just maybe you could try saying them that way.
BLONDE. Why?
BRUNETTE. What?
BLONDE. Why write them that way?
BRUNETTE. This particular line or?
BLONDE. No that line, of course this line.
BRUNETTE. Well it's because..wait what line?

BLONDE. Oh no now I’m all confused (whining).
BRUNETTE. I simply need you to understand that-
BLONDE. (Lets out a moan of irritation) Just give me the exact line again.
BRUNETTE. Hey don’t start with me when we both agreed that only (both finish the sentence at the same time)
BLONDE. You direct.
BRUNETTE. I direct.
BLONDE. Ya ya I know and I am sorry I just can’t quite seem to get it.
BRUNETTE. Don’t stress about it let’s just run it again from your cue.
BLONDE. Which cue?
BRUNETTE. (Heavy sigh) The cue to your last line “well atleast I can talk about penises-
BLONDE. Oh yeah (giggles at herself) I’m here I’m here now I promise, now let's do this.
(Brunette shows her the script and then sets it back down on the desk and both girls return to their places again.)
BRUNETTE. Don’t turn this on me! You are the one who ran off to suck some penis.
BLONDE. Ha! Well atleast I can talk about penises without sounding like a homophobic dude!
BRUNETTE. How dare you turn this on me when I’m the only loyal and trustworthy one,
BLONDE. Oh yeah I can trust you alright, I can trust you to ignore me and leave me here all alone all the time.
BRUNETTE. Oh so now I’m a horrible wife because I have a job.
BLONDE. This is not about your job it's about us.
BRUNETTE. (Clasps her hands angrily) I’m sorry but CUT.
BLONDE. Really?!? Fine what is the line this time?
(Brunette grabs the script from the desk and shows her the correct line.)
BLONDE. Oh my god you stopped us over two measly words?
BRUNETTE. They are two specific words that inspire anger and emotion that is true to her character.
BLONDE. Can’t we just get thru this run and you give me notes at the end?
BRUNETTE. No. That is what I’ve been doing for weeks but yet you clearly still don’t have them memorized.
BLONDE. Well I happen to think that characterization is more important than silly lines.
BRUNETTE. I think we both know that you have this character down perfectly. As the writer I think no I NEED you to say all of your “silly” lines correctly.
BLONDE. Your writing is freaking stupid and if you are gonna be so dang picky then at least learn to write an actual piece of art, instead of an actual piece of shit!
BRUNETTE. (So angry she can’t speak. Spits and sputters for some time before finally forcing out actual words.) your a piece of shit!
BLONDE. (Rolls her eyes then claps her hands dramatically) Real professionalism from the big bad writer and director.
BRUNETTE. Yeah well it's really hard to stay professional when your co actress is sooo damn stupid that she can’t remember a few simple lines! And don’t even get me started on your blocking.
BLONDE. You know what?! I don’t need this. I am a beautiful and really talented actress and I deserve my shot on broadway and you (pokes brunette with her finger repeatedly) you are just holding me back.
BRUNETTE. (Tossing her head back and laughing bitterly) Ha! Broadway? You have such a tiny amount of talent you would be lucky to snag a role in a small town community college play.
BLONDE. (Takes great offense) Yeah well you are just jealous cause your a lame writer and I’m gonna be a big star.
BRUNETTE. Only if you become a huge fiery rock floating in space.
BLONDE. Oh ya well….wait….what?
BRUNETTE. Awww did I lose you? Can your fragile wittle mind not keep up with my genius? What I meant was (clears throat loudly) you totally and completely, one hundred percent SUCK and my pussycat is a better actress than you!
BLONDE. (Gasps and steps back wounded and shocked) ah! Take. That. Back.
BRUNETTE. No.
BLONDE. TAKE IT BACK!
BRUNETTE. No. I only take back lies and I spoke the truth.
(Blonde loses is it, she leaps over couch to attack her. It leads to silly rolling scratching. They get back to their feet ending in slapping each others hands in a girly way. Brunette pulls blondes hair hard and they finally part.)
BLONDE. (Starts to pout, cry and whines) Fine then. You can just.. (voice cracking) you can just… you can find a new lesbian because I quit! (she stomps off exiting stage right leaving the door wide open.)
BRUNETTE. (yells out the door after her) Well fine then. I don’t need you. I can be my own slutty lesbian! (slams door shut. She paces angrily for a moment muttering under her breath then she sits on the couch exactly as the blonde did earlier.) From the top. Finally home and without even texting me and telling me you were on your way (she says the line in a mocking high pitchy voice. She moves over to her earlier place by the door) I’m not about to give you the chance to warn him that I’m coming. (goes back to the couch and back to the mocking tone) Yes because you coming ho- (voice falls back to normal) Oh god damn it! (she runs to the door and opens it yelling) Wait! Please wait honey! You are a way better actress than my pussy! Please come back! (she runs out the door still calling after her. Lights out.)

The end.