Honey it hurts

Dear Deb
You are almost officially 40 .... l watch you as you walk through the streets of Paris .... it’s cold ... it’s windy .. you are trying to be brave yet you have all the underlying wisdom and worrying behind that brave face ..
It is a strange world ... the people are different.. you walk around with eyes full of amazement... Like a little girl you look around the City with curiosity.. what happened when the artists designed all this ?
As an artist it is easier to relate to what another artist would have thought...
Deep down you are aching... you are grateful to be finally living your dream...you wanted to get to Paris before turning 40 and you did ... you wanted to be in his arms and you did.
Bitter sweet as it might seem he created the very picture you wanted ... the Old English Manor house 🏠.. it was your dream to walk in those fields and appreciate everything that was ...
Would the type of relationship be posing all the other sorrow that comes with wanting to own your loved one as your own ? The irony of it comes when Mr Gym guy sends a message on LinkedIn and l smile .. l am warm that he did remember.. but on the other hand l am furious that my own gets messages... Do l have the right to be angry... my heart is angry but your soul is still not ready to break it off ...
You go for 2 dates and none of them feel warm and you feel sad when you realise that these beings are so fascinated by you but deep down you have so much uncertainties that you can’t even trust your own self .
As my friend Tapiwa always says ... gentle... child .. gentle..
l do agree with being gentle.. a part of me wants him to feel the pain l felt when l sat on that toilet seat ... a part of me wants to provide you with being there ... l part of me knows l will not be able to handle you in an everyday manner ... another part of me wants to be there for you in this life journey...
You look at the text he sent and you sigh ... because you don’t understand how you feel... are you faking it ... no ... are you disgusted by him ... no ... you are just angry because you saw it .. is it because you are worried about the lies ... is it the threat ... is it your conscience.... only time will tell... for now ... Child be still ❤️