To those who are reading this

         

To those who are reading this

Our story ended in a graveyard
You watched my casket getting lowered int the ground
Yet you did not want our story to end, but i didn't even give you a choice
Because i'm dead
And i left you behind
1 week ago you would learn that i would come home from school day after day just to lock myself in my room and break down
It had gotten to the point were sleep just wasn't sleep anymore
It was an escape
I had no motivation for anything
I hurt myself because I knew I deserved it
It was like I tried so damn hard and yet nothing I did ever seemed to be enough

Society always tells us to be ourselves
But the person that I am is someone that I hate
I was told to stay strong
To keep fighting
But how can I win a fight that I have already lost?
I wished that someone would have noticed my silent screams
For help
But nobody really cared
I didn't know what to do
.....I just wanted out
All I wanted to do was cry
Scream
And let all my demons out because
They were slowly killing me inside
It was like an invisible hand gripped over my mouth
My lungs strained to keep me alive

I would lay on my bed
Blood seeping from my invisible wounds
Feeling nothing but numbness
I thought if this is how life was going to be
Then I didn't want it anymore
When I was trapped in my head like that
I would have done anything to be free
Yet I still wrote this
Dear diary
The urges came back. I'm feeling the darkness consuming me again, and it hurts. I thought I would beat it this time but I didn't. I am not strong enough- I never was. I am scared to feel happy again cause if could be worse than before
So, I decided that the good days weren't worth living for I let the bad overcome me
I took a gun from my dad's cabinet in the shed and locked myself in my room like I always did
Except this time
I wouldn't come out alive
Thoughts raced through my mind as I became aware of him
He's the one that has always been there for me
He deserved an explanation
I pulled my phone out from under my bed sheets and called him
The dial tone came to a slow end and his voice fills the room
His voice filled with joy "hi you must be really important to me if you have my number leave a message and ill text you whenever"
I broke down even more when I realised that this was the last time I would ever hear his voice
I told him in the message
I just wanted to say that you will always be my best friend, I'll always be with you even if its not physical. I love you Alec
As I spoke with my now heavy tears
I told him don't be sad abouts about to happen be strong because I know you would be . Goodbye...