definition of love: me.

You were my definition of love.
And i know adults always say that we’re too young.
And that we don’t even know what love is.
But i do. Or at least i did.

You changed me for the better.
To the point where i forgot about all the other guys who stuck pins in my back and refused to pull them out.
To the point where i held your trust in my lungs as if it were the last fresh air on earth.
To the point where i let you put my heart back together, and tape it with your arms.

Then, the tape ripped.
You ignored me for days, as if i was irrelevant to your life.
I knew what was coming when i asked you if you were going to end things between us
Your response was “I don’t know”

So for days, i stayed up till midnight.
Waiting for a call that was never going to come.
Tears rushing from my eyes as if they were waterfalls.
Holding my hand over my mouth, so that no one would ever hear me hurt.

Eventually, i was done waiting around.
You said, “i don’t want to hurt you”
But what you didn’t understand was that i was already hurting.
So, I told you that you needed to do it, or i was going to.

You left me hanging off a cliff for days,
You clumped your mouth shut,
Holding in all the words that i needed to save me from pit of pain beneath me.
Hope was all i had left.

You were too afraid to get dirt on your hands
so you made me do your digging for you.
Yes, that was like stabbing myself in the back.
No, you did not hurt more than me.

And then that branch that was all i had left, snapped.
You thought i was finally gone, and you walked away.
I watched you walk away, so don’t even try to spill lies out of your mouth.
I didn’t fall, because i realized i had more than hope. I had me.

I pulled myself back up, the way i hoped you would.
I cared for myself the way you never cared for me.
I gave myself the help, that i searched for in you.
I loved myself in a way that you were never capable of.

You were my everything.
For a long time, you were my definition of love.
You were the best thing in my life.
Until you weren’t.

And that’s okay.
Because you showed me how much i was underestimating my strength.
So thank you, for ripping my heart in half.
Because now i can finally tape it back together with my own arms, and not anyone else’s.