A letter to my mother

To my mother,

I miss you, and words could not describe the way I miss you. the moment you passed, I tried to pick up a pen.
For the first time in my life I could not describe the feelings I had when I lost you.
I raise my glass, to the questions I will never be able to ask you, the birthdays and the holidays I will have to live the rest of my life without you.
I thank you for making me the man I am today. I continue to try to make you proud, and the sad part is you will never be able to see who I became to be. Before you closed your eyes I was spiraling out of control, another statistic as some would call it.
I pushed to change my reputation, to show everyone that your sacrifice to raise me was not a waste.
I had the world at one point, and I think God took you away from me, because my life would've been to easy with you in it.
I lost the world, and I realized I got it back when I look at my children every night.
They are the reason I keep the drive and keep going even though sometimes I feel alone in the world.
I feel the world understands everyone but me.
I look around me, my surroundings and I realize, that I see the world in three ways, the world through someone else's eyes, the world through my own eyes and the parts of the world I would never be able to see in my lifetime. The day I questioned God on what happens next after life, is the day I experienced my life for the first time.
I began to think if I were to close my eyes for good, would I have regret if I were to never open them again?
I ask myself this time and time again. The more I experience in life, the easier it gets, to close my eyes and accept the inevitable.
I learned in life a lot of lessons, some good, and some not so much. You will learn in life is not just about your memories but, its the memories you share with someone else that make the world worth it.
The world is a evil place and I was put on this earth to protect those that aren't fortunate enough to do it themselves.
I had to leave the thing I loved, to realized what I was meant to do.
I love you, and I will miss you. I raise my glass to the letter my mother will never read.