The Neighbors

The Neighbors
A Rapunzel Story
For her entire life Sheila Ravenplume had lived in the same drafty house that was scorching in the summer and freezing in the winter. Nothing worked right and she had to call Magic Repair almost every day. Her only consolation was the huge wonderful garden that grew all sorts of flowers and vegetables that were found nowhere else. She was especially proud of her rampion which she carefully nurtured every day with fresh clean well water and a compound of dried herbs for strength. It had won every year at the county fair.
It amused Sheila to know that her neighbors thought her somewhat of a witch. She had dabbled in herbology and astrology but never had she actually claimed that she was a full-fledged witch. Maybe to be fair to her neighbors she had gotten a bit crusty in her old age but to be cranky in a house like hers and in a town full of nosy neighbors was completely justified.
The Thompsons who lived next door were especially nosy. The wife sat up in her room every day hoping to catch Sheila doing something particularly witchy. Perhaps all this staring was doing harm to her rampion. It wasn’t growing as well as it should have. And when Sheila got up one morning to find some of her beloved rampion gone, well that was just the final straw.
Sheila decided to wait up that night to find which one of her neighbors was stealing her rampion. She wore black to blend into the shadows and carried the cane the doctor had given her for her arthritis. Sheila was just about to nod off when she saw a shadowy form slip over the wall and into her rampion bed. Sheila hobbled over to the rampion bed.
“Who’s there?” She croaked out from a throat sore from night air. The man turned around and she saw Mr. Thompson’s guilty face. He looked terrified.
“I should have you jailed y’know for trespassing and stealing. . . But I won’t. Give me the daughter born to you next and I won’t call the police.” Mr. Thompson swallowed visibly and nodded.
“ Now go from here and no one will know about this little… mishap.” Sheila turned satisfied that she had impressed upon the spineless man that the immensity of his crime.
Nine months later, there was a great hubbub at the Thompson’s and Sheila, noticing the pink ‘It’s a Girl’ balloons decorating the house, decided to go over and give them her congratulations. She hobbled over and knocked three times on the door with the head of her cane. Mr. Thompson opened the door. He gasped and stared.
“Honey… you better come downstairs. There’s someone we need to present Rapunzel too.” Sheila looked amazed.
“Rapunzel! What kind of name is that? I think that I’ll call her Jill.” Sheila said indignantly. Sheila accepted the huge cocoon of fluffy pink blankets, along with the diaper bag and a mass of toys. She marched back to her house, well she would have but she had the cane. Mr. Thompson ran behind her picking up things that she’d dropped in her hurry. By the time, Sheila reached the gates of her palatial home, Mr. Thompson was carrying a large pink bunny and he was pushing a huge perambulator stuffed full of baby rattles and toys.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Thompson, I don’t think that Jill needs any of that stuff.” Mr. Thompson stuttered out,
“..bu-but Rapunzel needs her toys.” Sheila looked at him.
“ NO! No child needs that many toys. Jill will be brought up with the proper decorum. I will take her to my tower in the woods and there she will learn discipline, compassion and singing because I like singing.” Mr. Thompson looked horrified. He turned and let the bunny flop down before he returned to his home.
Sheila was true to her word. She raised Jill in a huge tower and carefully brought in all the best voice tutors. Jill’s favorite Master Christiansen, said that to pursue her career, Jill needed to have long golden hair. Sheila who had come to adore Jill, went out and bought peroxide and a long golden switch of real human hair.
The very next day, Jill became a long-haired golden blonde. Sheila took to climbing up on Jill’s switch for the stairs were too much for her arthritic bones and joints. This way Jill could simply hoist her up. Master Christiansen sprinkled the kingdom with rumors of a beautiful blonde maiden who sang like the angels of Paradise. Many young men took to riding through and if Jill took to them she would sing out to attract them to her tower.
Prince Virtue, a particularly charming and enterprising prince, decided to impersonate Sheila and climb up to see the virtous Jill. Sheila of course found out and since Jill had become angered with the impertinence of the boy trapped him up in the tower after letting Jill out. It would never do to have the Thompsons know of this occurrence they might spread it around that Jill was no longer a maiden as she should be. Prince Virtue, had the worst of luck and climbed right into a patch of briars, promptly blinding himself. Jill found him and took mercy on the poor lad and healed him. Unfortunately in Sheila’s mind, the silly girl had always harbored a princess longing and fell in love with the witless boy.
Prince Virtue, as always, had to have his way just like any royal prince, so they were married in great style. Their wedding was the grandest event. The local newspaper scribes and sketch artists journeyed for miles just to stand at the castle gates and stare like dead fish. Sheila attended the wedding wearing her usual black attire and carrying her cane. Her arthritis was getting worse and she was crankier by the minute as people crowded around her babbling silly simpering comments and asking for magical postiond. On her arrival at home was promptly forced to change her phone number. Than of course the telephone man spread around her new number and from that day forward, Sheila never had a moment’s peace. Everyone wanted to know the queen’s ‘jailer’. Not to mention all the lovesick youngsters who were moping around her asking for love potions and other such silly things.