The Dream

I am an on again, off again insomniac. I used to sleep well and sometimes when I was super stressed I felt like I could stay up for days.

I am struggling with sleep but when it comes on my dreams are wild, vivid and somewhat sad.

I fell asleep and didn't realize I was in a dream until I floated up to the ceiling. In this dream I began panicking because I couldn't stop the floating.

Suddenly I am airborne.

I then land gently on my feet, and find myself standing outside at a sports stadium at dusk with two young boys who happen to be my sons. I never had children in real life. They are two young boys, both blonde, and between the ages of 4 and 6, and we are standing by a hot dog stand ordering food.

I am in awe to find myself with my own family and I in a very normal setting with other families at a game, and not feeling so sidelined.

I am suddenly whisked off into the darkening sky, and then find myself in a room with an ex 1st love whom I had got cut off from in my early teens.

I am crying and I kiss his face gently. He starts trying for sex, and it is awkward and sudden because all I want is the time to catch up with him. He suddenly seems to hesitate and feel shame.

I feel like I am intruding on his dream now. Like I am there, maybe in his dream, or in his imagination and like I've been summoned to it somehow.

It's not a sexual fantasy but more of a dream of the complex emotions surrounding sex.