Music of Today Pizza Parlor

         

Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo

         Welcome to the Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo! We regret to inform you, our devoted and loving customers, of a couple of recent policy changes. At the Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo, your enjoyment is our main priority. We are constantly changing our policies to give you the best possible experience.
         The musical menu has been updated, and we are sad to announce that for the foreseeable future we will only be serving the same three dishes. Our master musicians have cooked up the three most exceptionally mediocre songs of this century to be served to you endlessly. We are required by law to notify you that the music will be mass produced in a factory and shipped to all company locations. We respectfully acknowledge any constructive criticism, but why change what works?
         Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo will also be searching bags before customers are allowed to enter the premises. This is to ensure that no exotic sounds are allowed to enter and "experiment" with the music. Our master musicians have slaved away for minutes on end, and we wouldn't want their hard work to go to waste. We don't pay them enough for that. Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo understands there are different musical tastes. However, believing in equality for all, we strive to give the exact same musical experience to all. Any offenders attempting to alter the music from its original state will be removed from the premises. The music WILL NOT be tampered with, and the music WILL NOT change (we like the music just the way it is).
         Our classical section has now been walled off. Due to lack of followers, it has been discontinued indefinitely. Despite its former popularity, classical music no longer draws the crowds it used to. The playing of classical music WILL NOT be tolerated. Beethoven died almost 200 years ago, and so should his music have. Stop listening to it.
         Similar to our classical section, the jazz play area has been quarantined until it becomes coherent. The current employees of Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo are unable to understand it and have deemed it too dangerous for the general public. We like our music simple for all to enjoy. Until we can make sense of this music, it should be ignored. Pretend it doesn't exist.
         Many of our employee policies have also changed to adapt with the changing market. Starting next week, all musicians of the Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo will no longer be paid in US currency. Musicians will now be paid in exposure. Creating music is fun! We encourage all employees to continue working diligently without the corruption of monetary goals. In our survey of over three musicians, a number showed interest in gaining more exposure. By paying our musicians this way, the Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo estimates a rise in profits of 70%. Employees should REFRAIN from increasing their financial status as these are profits that could be going to the company. This will be seen as stealing and treated as such. Stealing is wrong.
         For any questions or constructive criticism about the policy changes, please visit the Music of Today Pizza Parlor and Karate Dojo website. Remember to stop by in person to visit your one and only option for music!