I recently wrote this poem about what I'm going through. You're not alone! |
Unloved When 2019 began, everything was great. It started off with happiness. Which was a first for me. Since I was thirteen, life was hard. Had no friends, and even had a family who never once cared about me. I was even bullied every day For the way, I spoke and looked. Life began to become unbearable. So, I tried everything in my power To make things better. It started off sneaking online To find people who actually liked me. I met plenty of people. Some nice and most horrible. Things took a turn and that's When the pain began. I became so involved on the internet Taking in every negative word that These teens and adults threw at me. It was dragging me into a dark place That I never knew existed I began doing things to myself That caused my mental pain to increase. But the physical pain Distracted me for awhile Before it became an addiction. Self-harm was the only thing That I turned to and trusted. Because I was alone and unloved. With no one there for me. I kept this a secret for so long. Thinking things would get better. But everything went for the worse. The bullying became more frequent. My family was turning against me. And all I wanted was to be happy. I decided to try and take my life. My thoughts were only about happiness. Just wanting to get rid of this pain, Loneliness and emptiness that I was feeling. I wasn't successful and I was taken away To a place where my depression only got worse. Medicine was taken every day to take away this feeling And I had to talk to someone about everything that happened. Even though I wasn't being truthful about what's going on. Throughout my childhood and teenage years. Things only got much more difficult. lost plenty of friends. Never had a real relationship Because I was used and cheated on. Self-harmed even more And tried to take my life a few more times. Now I'm nineteen years old Hadn't been in a hospital or Self-harmed in a year. I feel proud of that But the pain is coming back This time it's intense. I've left home for a reason. Because I felt unloved and not needed. I was constantly getting angry Even though it wasn't my fault. I was blamed for everything. Ignored when I was begging for help. There was always a fight. And I was the one on the floor Being punched in the face constantly. Yet it was my fault and that I deserved it. In my family, there is a family child. My parents always do everything for her. And she's two years younger than me. She had a big graduation. With people who love her. She got plenty of scholarships. And got accepted into a big college. I am proud of her and would support her In anything that she does. But I feel like an outcast Because I never got the things that she's gotten. I wouldn't call it jealously. Just a broken heart. All I ever wanted was to be loved. To have friends who wouldn't leave me. That actually wanted to be around me. A family who accepts me and loves me. Who doesn't do everything for one child. I may be nineteen and an adult now. But I am still a child and deserves love. Like everybody else. Before telling me that I am fine. Know my story and what I go through. Because right now everything is not okay. I am not okay at all. |