Carol’s Ultimatum

"I will not have you undermining my authority, Carol!”

“Your authority be dammed, Kris Kringle. Right is right. Liam Conroy deserves compassion.”

“The only thing that naughty little boy deserves is ding-dong merry on his hide. He ran over his pet cat’s tail with a tricycle.”

“His parents have already punished and forgiven him, yet he was bypassed.”

“Naughty boys don’t get presents. It’s the rules.”

“That’s unfair Kris and you know it.”

“No presents for him! I am your husband and I have spoken. If you want to keep living here, I suggest you hold your tongue, woman.”

“Fine, then I’ll divorce you and leave the Pole.”

“Ho-ho-ho! You’ll never make it on your own.”

“I won’t be on my own…I’ll be with Hans Christian Anderson.”

“Hans? I landed on the Anderson house once and slipped down their chimney. When I returned, there was Hans; on the roof, trying to giddy-up-go the reindeer.”

“That was over two hundred years ago, and besides he didn’t have the magic to make them fly.”

“He was out of bed… stealing! That’s about as naughty as a child can get.”

“Well anyway; Hans has started his own toy factory and he is after someone to help run it.”

“No elf in his right mind would work for such a doomed enterprise.”

“That is where you are wrong, Kris; it’s far from doomed. Those elves you fired earlier this year are keen to come on board. Others have expressed interest in Hans’ factory.”

“And what are you going to use as transport?”

“Hans has developed a solar powered hybrid sleigh. We'd move to warmer environs. He's considering Rarotonga.”

“You can’t compete against me. I’m a household name, loved by millions of children.”

“Not by Liam and his friends.”

“Their dissent is irrelevant.”

“Han’s lawyer, Atticus Finch, assures me that a divorce would secure me half your chattels.”

“Ho-ho-ho. You’d get half my ass and most of my tummy.”

“As well as Reindeer, and half the Toy Factory revenue.”

“Over my dead body.”

“That could be arranged…But don’t worry dear, I’d only take a couple for pets.”

“I need all eight for optimum speed.”

“Hans and I would pick up the slack with the Hybrid. We’d do the southern hemisphere as it celebrates its Christmas first, and then you could do the North later on.”

“That’s preposterous!”

“Well, either that, or you give Liam a present. He needs to know that redemption begets absolution.”

“You're being very naughty Carol!”

“Take your pick.”

“Oh alright then; I’ll see what’s left over in the toy shop.”

“You know it makes sense.”

“Whatever…er Merry Christmas Carol.”

“Merry Christmas Kris.”

“Ho-ho-ho!”