Just Simply You

Just Simply You

It was just simply you. Everyone has a first love, or a love they will never forget. It's the love that only girls dream of being in for all their lives since they were little girls. The princess marries a big strong prince that protects them from all harm of the world. They live together in a castle were everyone looked up to them and admired them. In a world they live happily ever after. It happens in fairy tales but not in reality, right? Well. Of course, not the castle, or a kingdom, and you are more than likely not a prince and princess who everyone admired. Being in love with that person, felt like being on top of the world, like you were a princess falling in love. For me, it was just simply you.

He came into my life at a time where I was not sure what was going on. My mind was just not clear; my sister just came back into my life, I was getting ready for my nephew to be born, deciding if my major in college was really what I wanted to do and if my faith was fading away. My life then was racing and when we met, talking to you seemed easy. Simple rather. It started as a few messages here and there. The more we talked, the more I fell. He said all the right things. He made me laugh, he made me smile, feel things that nobody would understand but us two. Even though we barely knew each other, we talked every day for 2 weeks. In the beginning, those 2 weeks it was just simply you.

"Two weeks, that's all it took. Two weeks for me to fall in love with you."

After those two weeks of just talking, he came to see me. You were in the Army, stationed at Bragg so you were only but 2 hours from me. One weekend, us meeting for the first time after all the messages of laughs, smiles, wishing we were with each other. It was all coming to life. I will never forget that day know matter where life takes me. He pulled into my drive way in his grey toned Chevy truck that was so loud it sounded like a panther purr. I was on the porch waiting for you to get out so I can see you. You were wearing a brown "Hey Bo" shirt with rugged jeans, your boots and a smile that could light the world if it lived in darkness. I ran up to him and just hugged him like he was never coming back again. Soon as I saw him, I knew it was it. I felt it, and I know he felt it too. From then on, it was just simply you.

"It's you, the person I loved most in the world."

Our first date was a picnic at the lake. He laid down a blanket for me and packed chips, cookies, and sandwiches. It came to no surprise that we didn't eat none of the food he packed. We laid there watching the view of the lake, the sunset was beautiful, but he swore it was me. I knew that being in his arms is where I always wanted to be even after that moment. Just lying there, he kissed me. It wasn't the normal kiss no; it was one that was passionate. In that moment he was smiling, blushing even. He blurted out the words I love you. I was taken by surprise, but he said, "I'm sorry I just love you; you are the perfect girl, this is all I ever wanted." He taught me to dance that day. In his black cowboy hat, in the pouring rain, hiding under a tree, he taught me how to dance. Remember when I stated in the beginning falling in love will make you feel like a princess? It felt like that, that was when I truly looked into his blue eyes, it was just simply you.

"I never thought I would find myself completely and utterly consumed by another until her. She took my hand and lead me out of the darkness."

Since then, he came up every weekend and we did everything together. On days he couldn't be with me, like weekdays we would facetime when he got off work. Every weekend we would go out and have fun, or chill in my room where he would watch his sports and I would sleep on him. Our second date he took me to get a bear, dressed up as his favorite baseball team and his voice on the inside that reminded me, he loved me forever no matter where he was. We were always out late. Sometimes midnight getting home, which never bothered him. When I would get sleepy on those nights, he would pull off somewhere, pull me over close to him and let me sleep for a little bit before we went home. If that truck could talk, I'm sure it would tell you how much we laughed, kissed, and enjoyed each other's company. When we were apart, I'm sure it would tell you, how much he missed me in that passenger seat. How the silence killed him until I was there again.

"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

That was the story of us. Two people who loved each other and didn't go to bed without saying I love you. That was us. September. 3, 2018 I had to go to the doctor for my knee, and you had to go back to Bragg. We cried in my kitchen for 30 mins not knowing when the next time would be when we would see each other. September 3, 2018 was the last time I held his hand, the last time I kissed him, and the last time I saw him. A month later, something wasn't working just right. He was fresh in the army, and I was having trouble with military life. I don't remember that day, I don't want too. It was the worst day in my entire life.
Army just got in the way. We could be friends but then again, can anyone who was their first love ever be just friends? I spent my nights crying and my days depressed, the princess of the castle lost her prince. The kingdom no longer admired them, and she was no longer protected by the harm of the world. Her first love, the only love the princess ever had was just simply you.

"You are the first morning thought, the last evening sigh, and every damn thing in between."

I've dated guys since him, but none gave me the same feeling. None gave me the same rush, the same spark. I never fell in love with them, it was a distracted from missing him. Days would go by, months would go by and we were fading every day, no texts, no more visits, and no more facetime calls. I tried living a life without him. Every day hurt like the rest, you grow numb to the feeling and just deal with it. I find myself looking at our pictures and videos together. There's still a hole where he took a piece of me with him the day he left. It's 2019 now, almost the start of a new decade, a new year, 2020. It's supposed to be a fresh start, so clichto say I can't move on from him. I've gotten better with life. Learned how to handle my mental illness, learned to trust God, his timing is perfect, learned to be a better, nicer and healthier person. Every day I still miss him.

"We're a mess you and I, but the truth is, you captivate me in ways no soul ever will."

I still find myself thinking of our memories, looking at our pictures. I pray for him every day. Sometimes I'm selfish and I pray that somehow, someway, God sends him back to me when he sees fit. No matter how much we don't talk, I miss him, he was my first love. He will always be my forever love if God sends him back or not. I hope he finds whatever he is looking for and knows, in the small town of Creedmoor, there is a girl that loves him, and she always will. I guess one of us moved on, and one of us got stuck.

"And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you."


Just Simply You