'Everybody Hates Raymond' Introduction

Everybody Hates Raymond

Lacking luck with the ladies, my client, Raymond, decided to have his bitter biography published for the record. Along with that, he insisted on his creative caption above to describe how he was viewed. I, in turn, objected over that, based on what I gathered, along the way. But I gave in to him since he was paying plenty of pesos for his choice.

He shared it all, and I mean all (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly). But The Bad and The Ugly were his principal focus, as he pitched a bitch over The Seven Sheilas (Girls) in His Life.

And that is the gist of his tale, for a lengthy stretch, while shedding many tears, along the way. I, in turn, did not care for tears from a grown man, as he learned of that. But I felt for him, nonetheless, being a comrade in arms, of sorts, who bought me with his bundle of bucks.

As he moved along, the possibility of The Good appeared on the horizon. And there was no doubt about that after he divulged a secret beyond my wildest imagination. But more astonishing were his superb and surreal sources who provided futuristic gizmos for his cause--rightly his crusade.

Know this, too: Well before the latter, his descriptive anecdotes made me very uncomfortable. Even his boneheaded blunders with the babes angered me, making me see him as a butthead, on many occasions. And, due to that, I decided to include My Three Cents, not Two Cents, over anything that piqued my disapproval. Only that I got to liking my input, so much, that I went beyond the bounds of client and chronicler. I wound up spilling a good bit of my own shit out there with him.

Still and all, my personal poop was all for the best, knowing that I livened up his tale with my overboard opinions. But think not that I was not on his side with good advice, too. And I did give him plenty of sound advice, while I dogged him, good.

And here I leave it up to you, Deary, as I ask you to be my guest and even a judge over all that is written in this account. Do read on and enjoy.

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Alcides, The Fly-On-The-Wall Writer