life in my eyes

there are people that have a very hard time dealing with there dark thought and here is how it can feel from my side

do you ever feel like you are lost and want to be found because your not alone in the matter i feel like im drowning without any way to get to the surface and i have pushed everyone away to the point where my demons are taking over again and im in a dark place again i have to fix it but dont know how to deal with this and i just want to be the mother i can and a daughter that my mother can be proud of but it seems like i can never do that but before my daughter was born i was in such a dark place suicidal and alone. At times, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts, even on a weekly basis. Sometimes I’m able to ignore them. I might be going to meet a friend for brunch and briefly think about the thought and it might catch me off-guard, but it quickly passes through my mind and I go about my day.

But other times, these thoughts stick around. It’s like a huge weight is dropped onto me, and I’m struggling to get out from underneath it. I suddenly get an intense urge and desire to end it all, and the thoughts can start to overwhelm me. In those moments, I’m convinced I’ll do anything to get out from under that weight, even if it means ending my life. It’s like there’s a glitch in my brain that’s triggered and my mind goes haywire.

Some of it may be the changes your body's going through: All those hormones you hear so much about can cause mood swings and confused emotions. Some of it may be stress. I have a demon who never lets me breathe and its getting so hard to cope breathe or at its worst to the point that i cant even move its horrible. i have support around me but i dont know how to ask for help so i simply suffer in slience and the thought of my daughter not being proud to call me her mum is a sinking feeling that i cant shake.

Then i found that writing how you feel helps so i joined here hoping that my feelings and thoughts help people hat feel this way to seek help before it gets to much and becomes to late all i want is to be someone who can handle there demons and be able to feel proud if myself and to be the best version of me i can be but how do i do that when i am alone well thats hard to do i know but people say that we are stronger than we think i wish this was true ut i have a long battle ahead. This is hard but for my little girls sake i have to before its to late