The Good Life

         
LaTanya Hickson
The Good Life Journal

Green mean vegan machine



Ecouchtuner.eu

May 17, 2018
Anxiety and depression have been affecting me for a long time. I get panic attacks when I worry about my everyday struggles in my life. I have to ask GOD to take the worry and stress away. I cried so many tears last night. I listened to songs to make me feel better. I have sorrow and abandonment issues. My kids tell everyone that I neglected and abandoned them by not keeping in touch with me and not calling me. I have to call all of them. I try to make things right with them. I asked and prayed in churches to be forgiven for the pain I've caused them. I'm not drinking or smoking weed. anymore.SOBER!

09-04-18
Do I look in or out Do I find my way around going in a cloud of circles like it was just the way it is or wish for miracles change is possible or is it hopeless? Confusion is not what's here it's plainly not knowing at all. That's a horrible feeling to not know at all. Who likes to guess all of the time. See someone who likes somebody. I love it and it was just a mirage. I got tricked today. I'm so embarrassed. All-day long waiting in lines. I was almost forgotten about it. I went to church at God's Extended hand. It was a homeless shelter. Repent of sins, stop being a liar, and speak the truth. The Book of John was read. The dinner was great. I'm still traveling and wandering around the city. Nightfall happened quickly Now it's cold again. It drizzled today. I got a new phone today. The park was very silent and quiet.


Look at the wind Blow
08-20-18

Just look at the wind blow
there's fire deep in my soul
there are things nobody knows
It whistles as it knocks over the
trees you can't see anything
but the leaves swaying in
Air as it howls fiercely.


September 06, 2018

Good things in life often go unnoticed
But the bad is always broadcasted daily
Like a siren. Living in the moment I feel
Like a troll wandering around the city. This
The city is large. There is a lot of lands to walk on.
I have many places to attend all of the time. I really
Think homelessness is like a disease. Spreading
Around each city and state worldwide.
It's either caused by unfortunate disasters,
Poverty, or job loss. Sometimes you wish or
Want too much and end up with nothing.
You said that you'd never leave me that you'd
Be there for me you just lied and deceived me.
I just don't know what's wrong with you.

September 07, 2018

A few people came around and they left.
Some spoke some didn't. Is it bad when your
Not spoken to anymore? Where did all of this
Does disharmonious behavior come from? I'm
Losing so much weight I can barely keep my pants
Up. The trolley ride is good. Walking is what I do daily.
My heart keeps on bothering me right now. I start work
At the thrift store. It's not outside. My t-shirt was too big so
I changed my shirts. I'm not happy with my stomach bothering
Me. I ate pizza today by myself and got full too. Something is going
On at the stadium. I missed my washing day today because of my
Appointment. I'll get to wash again soon.

September 11, 2018

This morning is rather cold. Since im sleeping
Outside it's really so damn cold. People wake me
Up at night asking for cigarettes. I don't have any.
Why do people pester someone when they're asleep?
I don't know but I would wake no one up while they're
Sleeping. You could get hit by the wrong person. It's not even
Clouds visible right now. The trolley speeds by going the opposite way.

September 19, 2018

Today is a relaxing day. I woke up feeling normal.
I have been walking around because im still homeless.
The housing is still taking me for a ride. I don't get to go
To a program and feel normal because there is always chaos.
The sun is beaming outside. I drink alot of water to keep me cooled
Down. I'm spending the night with my family at their house. I'm watching
Television and reading my book. I finished my three days of work for my
Work program. Dad and Kathy are going to the casino. My 2 GB are almost
Out of my phone.


September 25, 2018

I've been getting full alot more these days.
I have tried to not eat as much at one time
I indulge in foods over time. I've been walking
A lot to speed up my metabolism. I also take pills
Help also. I need to rest sometimes because I just
Run -and- go constantly and I don't get to relax except
For this week at my grandmother's house. I ate alot with
Them. I did my work for this month and I'm done with it. I'm tired
I need to sleep for two days. I need to eat nothing else but
The tv commercials show me the food prices and I get hungry
To try something new to eat. My dad made beans when I was
Over, and I love beans. But I didn't have an appetite for them at
All. It was cold weather this morning. I'm listening to my '80s music
Playlist on this app this google app online. I've done all of my jobs
Searches. I feel like my life is wasting away. Going from shelter to shelter,
Doing the same things every day. I had to take a shower over at St. Vincent's
(FJV) @ 8:30 am this morning. Rachels showers were closed. Today was the
Community meetings on Tuesdays. I'm still homeless, looking for a place to stay
So that I can tolerate and what will help me not be so melancholy all of the time.
This month is almost over in 5 days. I visited the aero drive library today. It's big out here. They have an employment center inside like the metro at central library. The school that my kids use to go to closed and got added onto Mesa college. I keep feeling my eyelids closing and getting heavy.

December 11, 2018 (Monday)

I went to Rachel's shelter early this morning had a cup of tea. I left to go to father Joe's village to get my referral. Then I went to the storage center at 8: 15 or 8:00 am. I put stuff inside my bin. Then left after I reported everything to them and they had me sign my inventory paper. I went and walked over to friend 2 friend and waited for the 10 am group to start. Its Road to Recovery. It was a few people that went to group Sye the instructor was there but she says it's her last group today. I left and went to go take a nap at Seaport Village park, than walked back to NVH program.

*SNHU* 11/20/2018

I applied for an online campus class. I was really excited about these classes that I get to do on a computer. I have to study and also read a lot about school programs, and rules, policies, and ways to succeed in my class. I was a little devastated at first, but I called my student advisor and she spoke with me on how to make my experience better. I started my FYE 101 course yesterday. I had failed on my first attempt on a quiz. Now my grade is picking up as I read and do the activity and work for the FYE 101 course first-year experience courses online at Southern New Hampshire University. I am a student again Hurray for me I'm not wasting my time. I'm going to graduate.

12/28/2018 NVH

Oh no, my last day in the NVH program. I finished my 30 days. Next, I gathered all my stuff and ate breakfast. I had some oatmeal and a sausage sandwich. I said goodbye and walked out. Tiffany and Jessica were funny to me. I liked watching cartoons with the kids. I went to Rachel's to get a hot shower. I grabbed 5 items to use for hygiene. I had a hot cup of coffee. I finished my shower and then I went to my therapist appointment. I finished checking in and waited to be seen. Then a few people got called in that were waiting to. My therapist finally called me in and I talked for 30 minutes or so and she gave me my plan and I left the session.

12/30/2018

The day of the dead has arrived. Everyone has to walk around with large bags packs, excess luggage too many purse for one arm to carry around. I walked about 12 miles today. That was a lot of blocks. I'm tired and need a nap. I was able to eat egg mcmuffins this morning at McDonald's. Than later Jamba Juice smoothie which is really good. I want to read my book. The sun is already out shining bright. I'm going to continue to play my mobile game Final Fantasy: A New Empire.

01/08/2019

As I see it things are going toward the hills of silence. I see people and it's like I'm in the twilight zone. I fell into the rabbit hole and took too many trails leading me to no man's land. I feel like I'm traveling in a time machine. Taking me back to the mistakes I made in the past and I'm redoing them again. If I think negative than my life will attract negative surroundings.

01-14-2019 (Sunday) cloud doodle

Classes are keeping me interested. I like doing online classes. I have been reading my ebooks for my assignments. It's a cool new way to read books on the computer screen. It's been raining over the weekend. There are some puddles in the streets. I've been inside the shelter. The weather is so cold also too. Today is a field day for clean up. Everyone is trying to straighten up and clean. We're watching a movie called The Queen.


01/15/2019 (Monday)

The rain is pouring again. The sky is cloudy and gray. I didn't want to get out of bed today. I went to go to eat lunch in the cafeteria. I ate quickly and quietly. Then I went to eat an ice cream cone and grab some snacks. It's raging really hard outside. It's week 2 time for me to do my tasks for school. I missed my laundry time 1:30 PM this morning.

Ghost picture


01/18/2018

Ain't no days better
Ain't no days worse
We see the light we
We see the dark
It's a center and it's a middle
It's a side and it's a line there's
The truth and there's a lie the mind
It is funny and the mind is serious.
Truth is told and so is lies. Frustrations expands while patience is hidden.

02/07/20 ( Tasks today)

-shower
Go to meet with the case manager.
Go to the central library.
Study online class.
Take SDHC from to Carolina p.
Go to eat pizza@7 eleven.
Go to the library.
Play online games.
Read discussion online
Read more of chapter 11.
Get sleep. Sign up for disability
help Update and call office.
Call Mental Health for an appointment.
Go back to a homeless shelter.

Pencil Mark's face

Island picture 2.19.19

01/25/2019

6:00-9:00 am. sleep.
9:00- 9:40 am. wake up, sit.
10:00 am. shower.
10:32 am. Sort clothing, fold.
11:00 am. Go to ride the trolley.

01/30/2019 (Wednesday)

I saw the cutest video of a granddaughter on the Facebook page. Jayniyah was holding her bottle. Her mommy took it out of her mouth to see if she would put or cry. She looks like she's going to learning soon. I can tell she loves her mommy, she stares at her with adoration. I'm upset I haven't seen her yet. I want to hug her and hold her too.
She's part of my blood. That's my daughter's baby and I want to see her also. I would like to physically see besides just TV. One day maybe she come back around with her. I love both of them and want to be around them.

Heart- (Friday) 02/09/2019

Moods today

Sleepy vs. Happy

Surprised
Energized....
Annoyedd....
Tired....
Bored...
Nonchalant....
Unsatisfied....
Painful.....

Motivated...surprised......
Walk, eat, chores, rest, talk...
Look at online school, stuff, read
While talking.... Calls to others...


Friday, February 2019
We will be leaving this place soon. It will be closing down. It will be Valentine's Day soon. I use to be happy on this day now I'm not. I just eat candy instead. I took a long walk today. Balboa Park has these new bikes called JUMP. You use the uber app and pay a dollar with your credit card payment. They're red and electronic and unlock when you pay money and scan the QR code. This doesn't feel happy spirits inside. I'm being led to dead ends. I made a post to my discussion assignments today online. I put my assignments in the feedback locker. I got another jacket to wear. I'm getting too many to wear. I'm washing clothes right now and waiting for them to dry.

COUCHTUNER.COM-REDBOX-FREE ADblocker browser - couchtuner.cloud

Couchtuner.com- movies.

Frog 02-09-19

Breeze 02-10-19

DID I DO THAT?

*DAILY TASKS LOG *02-09-19*

6:00 -7:00 am. Sleep
7:00-8:00 am. Sleep
8:00-9:00 am. Sleep
9:00-10:00 am. Wake up
11:00-12:00 noon. Rest
12:00-1:00 pm Rest
1:00-2:00 pm.
2:00-3:00 pm
3:00-4:00 pm
4:00-5:00 PM
5:00-6:00 PM
6:00-7:00 pm
7:00-8:00 pm
8:00-9:00 pm.
9:00-

Paris- 02/20/2019

Gustave Eiffel

Http://www.wikipedia.com

Radio -February 23, 2019.

Unicorn

Fairgrounds-02/15/19.

February 15, 2019 -Planet- SATURN

Love-February 14, 2019- Teddy Bear.

Cold- Ice Trays- February 13, 2019.

February 09, 2019- Dress.

February 07, 2019- Jazz- Saxophone.

Frame- February 05, 2019.

Feather- February 20, 2019.

Tumbleweeds in a desert...-February 20, 2019.

Treasure- January 2019.

Cave- January 28, 2019.

Wild West-Cowboy Boot-01/28/2019.

Runaway-02/23/2019.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME?
-When you were loved.
-When you want to begin.
-When people actually liked you as a person.

Fools rush into everything.

Living in the streets make me miss my own room. I miss taking showers, having my own bed. I miss sleeping in privacy. I miss ironing my clothes.

Is anyone this low in life? Is there a way out of this for me? Please.....

Give 02-25-19 -Bouquet of Flowers.


Rocket-02/25/19.

Shoot- 02/26/19- whoosh...

Ribbon-02-28-19.

*Lamb*-02/27/2019.

BALLOON-03/03/2019.

Grow- a hand

Orange-orange sliced

ZOOM

Rainy Day.....- Most of the day was all gray and cloudy. I had a very long and tiring day. A cloud.

Chase 03-06-19

Flow- March 05, 2019

Statue- 03/07/19 -Ahead statue is carefully sculptured for others to admire.

Charm- 3/9/19.

Lipstick- 3/8/19.

M-16..bullet list- 2019.
Studied in online classes.
Learned about different ways to Journal.
What sites to look for online journals.
What to write in a journal.
Where to purchase tools for the kind of journal I want to write.
Read and watch YouTube ideas for creating a new journals.
Listen to television program.
Search Google for resources to journaling.


04-22.2019 (Monday)

There is so much violence going in different places in America and countries. There is a national disaster affecting the economy and destroying families trying to make it and survive. I'm so grateful for those floods as homes. It's devastating to see these homes torn apart by floods, and fires that have Burned down a lot of lands. A lot of people been fighting, dying in and on the news for all the anger and violence. The weather report said it was suppose to be rain coming soon.

Gratitude

I'm thankful for life. I'm thankful for food to eat. I'm thankful for the air outside. I'm thankful for being being young. I'm thankful for growing. I'm thankful for learning. I'm thankful for having a roof over my head. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for people who care about me and my feelings. I'm thankful for me time. I'm thankful for strength. I'm thankful for failures to learn to do better.
I'm thankful for writing. I'm thankful for being able to love me.
I'm thankful to know people.

May 11, 2019- Apple Trees.

Playstation 3 -picture drawing.

Movies I watch

Jumanji                    
         American          violet
         Resident          evil-Degeneration
         Family          Guy-Season two.
         The          karate kid ( all)
         The          pursuit of happiness
         Carlitos          Way-Rise To Power
         Think          like a man
         Why did          I get married?
         Criminal          minds 1st season
         How she          moves


Games played daily.
She watches television.
She gets in the showers.
She cooks meals fairly.
She studies what she reads.
She worries often.
She loves to listen to songs.
Forgetful and clumsy at times.
Once called a lesbian.
Kissed a girl once.
Loved by some at one time.
Her life passes her by.
She wonders of the streets.
She laughs at herself.
Stolen coloring books and pins.


Games I play
Bioshock
         Grand          Turismo
         Alice          in Wonderland( madness returns)
         Final          Fantasy x111
         Batman          Arkham Origins
         South          Park the stick of truth
         Valeria          chronicles
         My sims          sky heroes
         Dark          knight
         Star          Wars Force unleashed
         Assassins          Creed iv-black flag
         King          games


05.02.19

She suffers from severe pain in her legs and her muscles. Every day she cries off her pain in silence. She takes her medicine hoping she'll make it go away. There she can only think of herself and no one else. Trying to figure out how did this happen? And where is it coming from? Why is it bothering her? So much when is it ever going to go away? It fills not like needles running through her it skins her like her skin is coming off her body. She tries everything to make it go away. Her mother told out this pain it made her cry too. Holding onto the knees doesn't make it any better.

Actresses I like
Christ          Tucker
         Regina          King
         Will          Smith
         Jada          Pinkett-Smith
         Ice          Cube
         Martin          Lawrence
         Trisha          Campbell
         Angelina          Joli
         Brad          Pitt
         Morgan          Freeman
         Robert          De Niro
         Angela          Bassett
         Queen          Latifah
         Kim          Fields
         Sandra's          Bullock
         Alicia          Silverstone
         Megan          Good

Artists I like
Mariah          Carey
         Drake
         Kanye          West
         Escape
         SWV
         Ice          Cube
         Taylor          Swift          
         NAS
         New          Edition
         Nicki          Minaj
         Fifth          Harmony
         Pussycat          Dolls
         Snoop
         Silk
         Changing          Faces
         TLC
         Boys 2          Men
         Keyshia          Coles
         J Cole
         Kendrick's          Lamar
         Katy          Perry

TV Shows
9-1-1
         Paradise          Hotel
         Judge          Shapiro Court
         TMZ tv
         Big          Bang Theory
         Saints          and Sinners
         Chefs          shows on createtv.com
         Rachel's
         Girl          chat
         Master          Chef


She has plenty of commitments
But no relationships she doesn't know how to keep herself interested in others. She celebrate and not intimate with no one. She tried with one but it wasn't a continued relationship. She doesn't get connected with no one she stays to herself. She doesn't go out she just holds in tears. She doesn't like people all the time and when she does there is no trust. Pause!

Stuff I like to Do
Eat          foods.
         Go to          school.
         Surf          the internet.
         Paint,          draw, color.
         Write.
         Play (          games on mobile).
         Take a          walk.
         Visit          new places.
         Trying          to guess what happens in movies.

Thongs I hate to Do
Listen          to people.
         Loud          people.
         Walk to          unknown places.
         Look at          annoying things.( skin, noses)
         Picking          my nose.
         Squeezing          pimples.
         Scraping          athlete's feet calluses.
         Wiping          my ass.
         Being          patient for others.


Bad Things

-Sleeping on the streets.
-Waiting for food to eat.
-Looking for a private bathroom.
- Having no one to love.
- Looking at people walk past me.
- Getting up at 6 am every morning.


GOOD THINGS
-Free clothes or food.
-Help from others.
-Church meals.


Online Journals
Live          journal.com
         Penzu.com
         Journalate.com
         Memiary.com
         Monkee
*writing forward.com
Moleskine journals 8 x 10 in.
Vincent van Gogh's
Pablo Picasso
Ernest Hemingway (use these journals).

The artist's way- Julia Cameron
Wreck this journal
Watson- Guptill sketchbook

Best utensils I seen
Journaling list
Amazon prime: -papermate -profile
-Ticoneroga pencils-$2.99
-Tom bow mono drawing pens $8.48(66404).
-pilot g- 2 pens(gel) $12.23
-Pilot Frixion pens (32454) black $9.97
-Straedtler Triplus pens (0.7)mm. $20.02
-Papermate flair felt tip pens (0.7mm.)$20.02.
-Zebra mildliners (set) $14.47
Floral pencils($12)
Muji 0.38 retractable pen.
Mild liner pens.

Convert kit.com


05.10.19
Having a lot of faith in others can make a person's Hope's be worked up and then, on the other hand, it can. E a big letdown. I have patience throughout the years of my life trying to find out what to do with myself. I didn't understand both of my parents as a teen or a kid. I was a child who was an introvert and I was really sensitive and cried almost. I couldn't deal with people yelling or being impatient all the time. They couldn't work things out things got bad and we had to move away. No I wasn't living at home with two people anymore. Life didn't get easy for any of us. Me and my mom struggled with each other. She had her sister's I had my brother's. I felt like I wasn't listened to and understood most of the time. Running around trying to find jobs, schools, and places to live. My brothers had alot friends to keep them busy and connected to society. Me on the other didn't have it so easy. I was embarrassed by everything I went threw I just wrote about it or kept it inside. I tried to make sense out of what relationships formed in my life and didn't stick close to many people. My main sense was to grow up, help my family, and look after my brothers. We didn't always talk about happy feelings. It caused alot of resentment and evil feelings in us and we all started doing other things and forming different circles. I didn't always like it so I stayed away and turned my head to those I didn't agree with. I did manage to graduate from high school even though I had problems socially with people. I always said as long as we all graduate we'll be okay. And we all did. Me and my brothers had our happy times and made our mom happy. I made my aunt happy too. We all got through it all and hoped that everything would turn out better for us. I was still worrying, trying to grow up. At one time I do remember how many times I tried to keep someone close to me, but it didn't last for long. My brothers kept dating and going around with different girls that they liked and I ran into my friend's brother. It was stupid to think this one would last. We stayed with each other for ten years right out of high school. He left me back in 2005 when he went to jail and left me to take care of the kids on my own. I thought things were going right, but it didn't. I had schools bugging me about my kids, I was on CalWORKs looking for jobs and I was getting nowhere living in a one-bedroom in the city heights neighborhood. I has problems not able to always get everything, for my kid's. Mom and family tried to help support me but the support started to fade and we weren't happy anymore. Neighbors kids was always bugging to play with my kids. I still wasn't getting anywhere. I only drank beer with a few family members and I would still take care of my house and kids. I started not being able to walk the kids to school. And then I think that was when everything went downhill. I didn't agree with the home visits. They were paying close attention and nothing got better. My son kept worrying me going to different friends making me unsure of if he was stealing and bringing home stuff. I didn't buy it for him. His stepmom bought most of his clothing and hygiene for school. No, they kept bugging my kid. He was only 11 years old when him, his brother and sister were taken away. I didn't never get over it. I was alone in my mom's house in misery because all I've done was work to try to get them back. I'm sick of the systems jobs programs. I've been stigmatized, shunned looked down on for trying to be some broke employee black woman. Living in the area near downtown was lonely. I lived with my mom on Imperial
Avenue. That didn't last too long because she wanted her own space and kept getting told to move me out. She ended up getting me kicked out. I left even though I begged her to stay. She was tired of me like she got tired of my father. She made me hate everyone. I have to live outside on the streets in downtown, San Diego. I missed being around family, but nothing was turning good for me. And I was depressing my mom with my depression and loneliness. I slept outside, on the ground, on the front of buildings, on the trolley stops, at the park, wherever I could find and I was never happy again. I moved from shelter to shelter. Crazy people, met some mean ass people. Some I wish I never met at all. I still cried and hated that I was embarrassed in the community. I was even sleeping in Horton Plaza too. Talk about living on the streets makes me upset because the shower lines are very long and rude beginnings. People wait too long to take showers, between the toes is disgusting. I hated staring at or having to look at others as I washed myself off. But I had a place to keep myself with decent hygiene. Now that athletes fungus is on my left foot I feel better. My rule is always keep flip flops for the shower floors. Germs are everywhere. Dinner and meal times were horrible. You hungry or you wanna starve? Get into multiple lines these places and wish you make yourself not to eat from people ever again. Sometimes the food is so gross you can't even look at it. Other times its thrown together or old or too much for people. Then there are really special meals with long lines, that I don't like waiting for more than anyone else. Sometimes there are kids screaming, moms tired, single women who just want to lay down and go to sleep. Than there are chaotic people who want to stir things up and make people gossip about the things they are doing to either get a laugh, or negative reaction out of others. But stressed out is wondering if your going to get a bed or not. Or going from one place after another yo search for a place to sleep. Slumber is not always right when you want. Kids take a minute to relax and wind down to go to sleep. But they're ok. Unless you got troublesome families arguing to get the single women kicked out. And the innocent want to make it a point to pick on you to be embarrassed to go back to the streets. Sometimes women don't know how to leave each other alone. Bugging you with their mess. Because I'm alone I get bugged by messy ones, or loud ones. They won't do nothing but show out and make me argue about cleaning up after themselves or they won't shut up their loud ass mouths. It's a trigger for me. And than there are the really pretty ones that they cater to and act like it's a crime to talk to them. No Miss America pageants but they're perfect in appearance to the people and get to lie and dog you out if you don't protect yourself. Groups get on my nerves. I was traveling to all of these wonderful places. Keep in mind I'm now a grandmother to a 7 month girl, who I didn't get to be there for her birth. Or have I yet to hold and hug her yet. I feel like I was lied to by some devil person who likes to torment me to be the way they are praying for nothing to go my way. My pet fish died yesterday while, I was out so now, I have to hope and wish for a new one. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect kid, friend, saint, cousin, sister or mom that these people in society want to be around. I don't care anymore. I'm not celebrating mom's day! My mom past away in 2011 I'm upset I don't get to run to her house. My kids hated me and nerves sent me a card for mother's day. I am calm again.


Food distribution 5.8.19
Food Bank 5.9.19
Check out library DVDs 5.8.19
Fish died 5.9.19


5.11.19
How many times have you tried to hold onto something and couldn't? How many times have you tried to learn something and failed. Too much devastation leaves me with a negative heart I face negative people, voices and hearts that disturbs me within. If things aren't the way they see my life than I'm accused of being negative. Some times people are manipulative and just want things going their way instead of what's best for the person they're dealing with or advising. I have not been too good. A mood is what my spirit says it's totally negative and wrong. This big stomach sits inside my body and eats and waits on me to starve. This isn't my mom, nor will I ever love or look up to her. My mom passed away a few years ago and the whole world me when she passed says it's the end of the world. Now the culprit is slowly killing me by starving the lower half of my body. To top it off the unbalance I already got in my life now the toxic injection sits in my body trying to turn me into a skeleton. Along with the pain in my arms trying to hurt me in the muscles. The Indian person is terrible to me. It is a murderer. I don't like it. All it does is itch my underarms, scratch my vagina, and restrain movement in my hands and feet. It lays still waiting for me to fall or take medicine. I lay on back and being myself. I don't need to feeling like my stomach is transforming into husbands stomach on my body. It can't live without me. I can do without it. I don't need this person in my life. I'm on my own and that's reality and how society has guided. Me to a dead trap or to hell of some sort. My legs and knees are being stretched apart slowly. It thinks its God's gift to my world. And it tells others that its God to me. But it's really a devil to me.

Dream-I dream of the ways to change things in my life. I find dreaming helps me face reality and can help me to open up my mind and eyes towards making them to come true. It may take a life time, but I'm willing to wait.


Fun- Listening to comedy hour!

2019- I continue to wonder why I was so unhappy inside the shelter downtown. There were so much cleaning that we had to do most of the time. I put hours doing chores everyday. Being out in the streets by myself everyday. I would study and do work all the time. I sat in the public libraries, studying. I slept outside on the sidewalks, grounds, and parks. I had to walk for long miles to get food. I had to live alone and walk to find a warm place to sleep every night. It rained and was so cold. I didn't always stay warm. I hated worrying about the bathrooms which were always invaded by inconsiderate men all the time. There is no personal gender bathroom's anymore. Men are taking and destroying the public restrooms. You have to go into a traditional church to use a regular ladies bathroom. The housing crisis has risen there are people and families everywhere out in the streets. Homelessness has affected our city everywhere. There isn't enough places for people to live and afford. There are trying to build places downtown for homeless families to live in. There are alot funding that needs to go to these places trying to help others change their lives to get better.

*Monday*
I continue to worry about my feelings and how cold and alone I felt outside. I'm not good in relationships. Some part of my life I had a few good guys that I didn't stay with or I wasn't mature enough at the time. I was always so uneasy because of trust issues. I had not enough dating experience. But now I'm not in my teens anymore, I'm out of my 30s, and now in my 40s, and I don't even feel like a full grown woman. Except for the aching muscle pain in my body. I am at home watching movies. I'm on my way to the library to do my homework. I don't have internet at home for everyday.

Homeless
Tell me why did this go on? When didn't I notice it happening to me? When will this stop? Laying down on the concrete makes me hurt in the back. I wish to be off this cold ground. I freeze at night when I sleep inside of my sleeping bag I use my blanket for a pillow. My feet are dirty and I'm itchy. I walk for miles to find a quiet place for peace.

Lucky
This is the day I wish for someone put a big salami sandwhich by me as I was sleeping on the grass at Balboa Park. I was really hungry. I didn't see the person. I was really happy to eat.


???
Special no. I don't feel that way anymore. I feel like pig pen on Charlie brown. I carry around stuff that pile up on me. I throw stuff away and began to collect more junk. Trying to start recycling my cans have made me tired. I slept on bridges everywhere. The side walks are my refuge when businesses bug me to wake up or move off of the property. I don't like searching for a night of rest. I make only $8.00 dollars when I recycle for cans. I think that I have alot of them in my bags. But it's not enough. My feet and hands get tired from the weight of my personal things and the bottles and cans i have to carry.

Showers
Do I need to shower? Yes. I walk to find the local community shower and I have to shower in front of other woman. The line is long and I just want to hurry up get clean and leave. It's no shower if I don't bring my card to verify that it's me. I have athletes food because I don't have shower shoes to wear inside. Ugh! I hate the way it itches my feet. And it's always on one foot.


Trash
I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like my life have been stolen from me and replaced by someone who was noticed as prettier. Why did I get dumped in the garbage?

Wavy Hair
Wavy hair on my head don't make me feel anything. People told me it was nice or pretty. I never felt that way. I always try to straighten it with a perm. Hair texture is a big deal to some people. I guess I should be happy that I have some hair on my head at all.

TV
I wish to watch tv again. I search for a place every day to play my silly games on my cell phone. I watch something once I get a good wifi signal to use. I have to charge up my phone inside of the library. I stay all day to watch a good funny show or movie.

06.16.19
2 pieces of fried chicken
6 steak fries
1 cup of ginger tea
1 half bottle of power aid
1 cucumber
1 piece of cake
2 handfuls of kettle corn popcorn
2 cups of cold water
1 snickers candy bar
Cut cucumbers w/chili powder
2 cheese quesadillas

Something I ate.......


Pull me in a direction and I will go so far away that I will tired myself from the distance to travel.


Scared
Scared to change.
Scared to grow up.
Scared to begin.
Scared to finish.
Scared to show.
Scared to hide.
Scared to stay still.
Scared to move.
I'm just scared.


Resentful
I have to get rid of this and I have to get rid of that. "What's up with all of this madness?" People actually don't like to live this way. Being dirty and called lazy was not fun for me at all. I wish to see that woman that said that to me. She made me upset and mean. More like resentful. I never been any of those never in my life. I always had to work or do something. The streets smell bad and I don't like it at all. Yelling back at people I don't know is what I really don't like to do ever. Wake me up when it's all over.

Choices in my life led me to punishment and humility.


On my own....



All By Myself.....

THE END.

X google.com/accounts/recovery


LaTanya Hickson

Journal writings in the moment helps me to remember good things that happen in my journey in life. This journal has alot of drawings. I like to write little pieces bit by bit to keep my memories.