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I thought I would try to recreate the feeling of anxiety. |
My bloods pumping. Pine trees all around me loomed over menacingly. I feared they may grab me, their tentacle like roots reaching for my ankles. The ground was dense with death with Small animal carcasses dried up shrubs and discarded branches that crunched and cracked under my feet like bones. The sky was blood red. I'm running. Running so hard it felt like my legs would buckle at any moment. Tears streaming down my face as I bit back the sobs of panic and pain, I couldnt breathe. I could hear them. The growls and snarls of some hideous beast. Or was it beasts? It didnt matter, either way stopping meant death that was certain. Sometimes they sounded like they were far far away, but every time I tried to slow down the hissing and spitting of the creatures would quickly catch up. Sometimes it felt like it was two paces behind me about to grab me with its jaws or beak and I would cry out for fear. My bloods pumping, so hard it felt like my veins were to small, so hard I thought my heart would burst like a blood bag. My temples hurt, my heart ached. I was near blind from the tears. I couldnt breath yet I wouldnt die. Why wouldn't I die? I was alone, if I was to die no one would find my corpse. I wonder if my parents are making dinner wondering where I am, did they even care where I was? Did I even have parents, or was i confusing memory for imagination? Did it even matter? My legs collapsed and I fell into a pit filled with unidentifiable bodies. desperately, i try to claw my way out but the walls seem to grow and grow the edge always out of reach. I fall backwards onto my back. I clutch my chest as I gasp and cry, I close my eyes. My bloods pumping. My chest is heaving. Am I dying? I pray I am. I would much rather die here then to witness the invisible creatures. As I look up to the red abiss above me I notice the silhouettes that start to form around the edge. Theres no hard edges or smooth curves to them, it looks to be an optical illusion, but this was no illusion. No eyes but the howls and growling were deafening. As all light begins to fade, blocked by the shadows, I give out one more scream, but I am silent. Not even when I feel the flesh be ripped off my bones or the snapping of my legs do I scream. All I can hear is my blood pumping, as my heart is ripped in two. My eyes snap open and I awake under the uncomfortable warmth of my sheets, I'm covered in sweat. I feel the familiar presence of a fluffy brown feline resting peacefully beside my head. I sit up and look around my room. Its 6am, a calm orange light is shining from the cracks of my curtains, I hear the sound of the car driving away as my mum heads to work. I'm alone once more. My bloods pumping. I run my right hand over my left arm and gently scratch my way down my forearm to my wrist and feel the pulse there. The temptation to release the pressure snuck it's way to my mind and a feeling of familiar shame settled in my stomach. It was not the first time. |