A Vivid Dream

Every setting begins with a cluttered and crowded hotel room. Usually mine. I'm surrounded by people who claim to care for me. Claim to want whats best for me. It's difficult to care for much when you're at the mercy of needle.

No one usually has a face. Just dark shadows moving in the cramped space. Voices saying not to do what I'm craving to do so badly.

I agree though. I know what I should be doing and I know that making this mistake once again will haunt me for all of my life. I decide against it, yet somehow, my hand is still tightening the makeshift tourniquet I made from the hotel phone wire on my arm. The voices grow louder as I inch towards the needle. "Don't."

Fear that I'll miss my vein enters my mind. Almost enough to stop, but not quite. I bring the needle closer and closer. Tears running down my face. Ready to relinquish all self control just to feel that pathetically addictive rush instead of the burning shame I've been feeling since this hell began.

I pierce through the skin.

The sheer memory disturbs my whole body. Shaking me awake with the iciest chill down my spine.

I'm home. Sober. Happy. No matter how much I miss that poison, I'll never forget how much I missed this life when that very poison took it from me for so long. My family and friends. Remembering and living every day. Being able to sleep at night. The scratches on my body have turned to scars, but I'll take it. I won't go back this time. I won't lose this.

A nightmare is all it was. Just a vivid dream. I will go back to sleep and remember that I'm finally home. Home is where I'll stay.