Give Me The Lemons.

People say you get scared, overwhelmed, excited, happy, angry, and so many other emotions can register in your brain before you turn, oh I do not know, 2 or 3 years old I believe. We are so complex that we sometimes get overwhelmed by all of this complexity. Honestly, I myself am having so many emotions at the same, thus making me feel very overwhelmed. I love this girl, who in reality, does not like me that way. I need to calm myself down and focus on other things, right? Wrong. I am in high school, 9^th grade in fact, and I cannot tell you how not ready I am for this. I am stressed, I need a break, and she makes me smile. I am a pretty ok kid, but I put more effort in my core classes than I did in my French class, so while I have A's and B's I now have a C in French. Maybe this will be better I say to myself. Nope. The grade is now a 61 and falling. Life hit me hard, and I am too tired to stand up and fight back. Let me lay down and get kicked. The floor is cold, cold from no use, for I have slowly been trying to stand up, and the first time I stood up was less than a few months ago. How did I lose so much? Life hits hard, it is not giving me any lemons, and I cannot make the stupid lemonade without the lemons. Without the lemons, Lemonade is just sugar water. No one drinks Sugar water for so long because that is not a good balance. Like, there is a reason we put sour lemons in lemonade. We put it in because it balances the sugar water, but without it the sugar water is chaos. Without the opportunities that life is supposed to give us, through our hard work of course, our world is in chaos. My world is in chaos. I have tried the hardest, where are my lemons? I have worked hard, studied, done notes, as much as I could do, where is my gatherings? What did I harvest? I have always been the quiet obedient person; just please give me my gatherings. I am begging cause spewing nonsense is a thing I am doing, my personal life. God, I just want to cry. I cannot cry. I am dried out. I feel this hollowness in me. Is that normal? Gosh I should be asleep myself. I know not a lot of people will listen to this letter, but I am tired, and I shall wait till the lemons fall. Life will drop them, from kicking and punching me and doing all these mean things to me, I sure hope they do. Well, I hope you guys are not dying on the inside as I am. Toodl-oo!