Easily Forgotten

I've been on this Earth for 34 years ... In my life ive never met someone who can give me the three things I require from life.... Honesty...Loyalty...And Respect. I've come to learn that no matter what you do for anyone... No matter what you put yourself through for them.... No one will ever truely Love or Care about you especially once they get what they want from u. From the moment I meet someone my instant thought is I've got nothing left to give. So sadly y'all are outta luck ... But it seems people find ways to still take what u don't even have.

All my life being born a mistake, thrown to the wolves (the state system) , tug of war , constant abuse mentally emotionally physically and sexually..... Always being the burden... Doing everything I can to be anything but a statistic......Yet becoming a statistic seems to be my destiny....

But I don't want to be that statistic that is as my title says.... Easily forgotten... So if all that's found is my body and someone asking the question .... How could no one have reported her missing... How could no one have known??

I leave you this

I had a long life. I was not made for this lifetime. But with the life I was given and the cards dealt to me.... I gave a good run and sure as hell a damn good fight.

The reason no one reported me or even knew is simply because no one cares. There's no one here beyond my dog. In my darkest of times my dogs are all that's ever been there for me and helped me get through this .... Journey we call life.

My Biological father passed away when I was 21. 2 months after our first meeting in years.

My Biological mother .... Well she's the one who called me the mistake....she's also the one who allowed me to b abused physically, mentally and emotionally by my step father, and emotionally and mentally abused me herself. In 2010 I emailed her my last email have not seen or heard from her sense.

My eldest half sister disowned me when I was born... Tried to like me when I was in foster care....that didn't last....she tried again in 2006 but again it didn't last. I want to say in 2008ish we had our last discussion and agreed to go our separate ways.

My second older sister disowned me in...2012 ish when I posted a post to FB saying how my sister and I could never be as close as we once were but I'm glad we have what we have. And well apparently it struck a chord and she un friended me and has not spoken to me since.

Go further into family???? Y bother their all shady af.

Friends ..... Hm...... Yeah no ain't got none of those either. Lost my 6th grade bff in 2011 when I refused to pay her mortgage cable and power bills just for popping a tent on her property...(in the boondocks lots of space).... And the 16 yr hanger on who did nothing but use, lie, and cheat on me for 15 years ...... Blah yeah .....


In all that I'm still standin.... Barely but I'm here. Got medical issues that seem to be getting worse.... But just as I can't trust anyone in my day to day life I can't trust drs. Not to mention why pay them just to tell u bad news lol. Makes no sense to me especially when u know it's not good on ur own lol. I don't see the point in wasting money.

Figuratively speaking I'm beaten and bloody barely breathing and everyone still wants to kick me in the head ribs and back ..... Drowning in my own blood and not one fucking person willing to say hey... This person's been through enough let's just leave em be. No.... Seems anyone who walks by and sees only wants to join in on the beat down.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me....
I wish I knew why I was the mistake....
I wish I knew how to keep going when I simply can't....

Don't feel sorry for me... Don't feel bad ...my life experience made me who I am. And if even to the majority of the world I'm nothing but a statstic ... I personally think I am quite an amazing person for going thru all I've been through and making it as far as I did.

I guess we can all be thankful I didn't become any of the statstics below I could have become.
Prostitute
Murderer
Druggie
.....
I'm sure there's more but I'm glad I'm not those 3.

I have a feeling there's more me's out there... More people who if they went missing no one would know.... I guess in a way I hope this reaches you and u realize ur not alone. And maybe you'll leave your mark too.

Good luck thanks for reading and ... Prosper