Looking Back

Sometimes I wonder what l did wrong in my past use to deserve the life Ive been given. l often think... What horrible person in history that l must've been..... What atrocities l had to have committed.

Its so hard to look at my life and not be able to assume l was someone HORRIFIC...What other reason could it be?

l won't delve into the extreme details but l will give you a brief Overview of my life and let you decide.

Without further ado here we go...
l was born to a woman who expressed that I was her greatest mistake, and a man who left when l was a child and used his parent visits to molest me till l was 8.

Used by fathers family to try to get rid of my step mom.

Was mentally and emotionally abused by my mothers boyfriend.

Attempted suicide for the first time in 2nd grade. My 2nd eldest sister saved me. l still ended up in a childrens mental hospital for awhile.
Soon after my moms boyfriend drove my sister away. She left home and...Promised she'd come back for me.... She never did.

Moms boy friend becomes moms Husband and my stepdad....

The Mental and emotional abuse Worsened...and started to include physical abuse... My Worst fear was his pyramid studded belt....

A teacher noticed....tried to "help" and reported him to the office.... The Principal called my mother and step dad for a discussion.

6th grade comes I attempt suicide for the second time. After drinking 409 l fell to the floor and drug myself towards my bed. My mother came by stepped over me asked me what was wrong. l told her l wanted to die So her and her husband could live Happily Ever After and that l' d drank the 409. She simply said stop bein a drama queen and continued on her Way. Did another stint in looney bin.


At 12 my stepdad threatened to kill me.
l Dared him to do it. l promised I'd come back as a ghost and take him out.
He countered by waiting until l fell asleep and Called the police. claimed he was afraid for my moms safety. So the P. D. comes into my 10×10 room Wakes me up shining a Maglite in my face demanding l wake up and go with them.

Did a stint in foster care...till my foster parents wanted to adopt me. My mother demanded me back. She got me home....maybe 25-30 min... My stepdad told her NO. and back to the system l went.

stayed in foster Care....group homes ect... till l was 16 and my mom needed me after she left my stepdad.

Got married at 18.Divorced a year later..due to His infidelity and physical abuse.

Was used for 15 years by Someone I thought l Could trust.

Traveled 48 of the 50 states.
Raped at age 22 (while on crutches) in Texas

Ended up dating an abusive Narcissist for A year before l realized what he was actually doing....


April 14th 2020 l lost my best friend. Im still not over it.....

There's So much more but its so draining.
So Im ending this now.Till Another time.