I have decided to follow Jesus

I grew up in a Bible believing, church going family. I first asked Jesus to come into my heart and was baptized when I was 3 years old. Then I grew up.

Believe it or not, I became a bit rebellious. I can leave some to the imagination when I say my Daddy was a preacher. When you are in a preacher's family, there can be an unbelievable amount of stress to be and act a certain way especially around other church people. I learned how to pretend to be this sweet little Christian girl especially in certain groups of people.

I knew I needed Jesus all of this time. There were many times growing up i would stand in front of a congregation and rededicate my life to Christ. I wanted to be good, but my heart was rebellious. I wanted to live a little and experience life for myself.

When I was old enough to leave home, I got my own apartment and went wild. I partied. I drank alcohol to get drunk. I smoked pot. I had inappropriate sexual relationships with men and women. I would still attend church and pray through all of this and act like I had it all together but I didn't. Through most of my 20s I continued to act like this.

I would go through periods of time where I would ask God for forgiveness and try to clean up my act a little bit. But these times didn't last. I was the self-righteous hypocrite. Even in some of my darkest times, I thank God that he still allowed me to experience his spirit and presence in my life. I did not fear God. Previously, as a teenager, I told God I would serve him as long as I had shelter, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in. Looking back, I realize how foolish that was now.

In my 30s, I began to settle down some. I began to figure out who I was as an individual. I had suffered from several different abuses in my life. I had to learn how to cope with them and to process my emotions.

Toward the end of my 30s, I felt broken and miserable. I began researching religion in general and looking for the meaning in my life. I thought within myself, if the Bible is truth, then it will withstand questioning. I began some really deep soul searching. I checked books out from the library. I watched documentaries. I searched out information on the internet. I compared different religions. Deep down, I always came back to the Bible.

After searching things out to my hearts content, I decided what did I have to lose by trusting Jesus no matter what. It was at this point, I decided to follow Jesus even if I was hungry, or naked, or homeless or without a place to lay my head. (No turning back)

This is when things began to change for me. I began to read my Bible for myself and pray more regularly. I began letting it speak to me personally. The Bible became alive and interesting to me. I started learning new things almost daily. God began revealing answers to prayer and restoring things I had lost because of sin.

Before I would read the Bible and pray on occasion, hit or miss, more miss than hit usually. I hated hearing the Bible read or preaching. I thought it was boring, repetitive, and redundant.

I began watching the church services online regularly with my best friend. I began desiring to attend, so I prayed about it. I sent a message to the church and asked if there was a way I could get a ride. I wasn't in a position to drive myself. After awhile, God did provide a ride to church.

I have been truly blessed to be able to attend church at Sherwood Baptist church in Newcastle, Oklahoma.I am understanding the Bible more and more in a way I have never understood it before. I feel like a starving soul that is finally getting fed the proper word of God. I thank God that he has given me understanding and has opened my eyes to the truth. I feel there now has truly been a change in my life and heart. I don't only desire salvation to save myself, but I desire to actually live for Christ and to see other lives changed as well.

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