Old Flame exercise

Sarah approached the door quietly with a baseball bat and cell phone. She leaned to the peephole, but all she saw was a thin figure in a gray hoodie. The figure's face hid in the shadow of the hood with long arms jammed into the front pocket. "Who's there?"

The thin figure removed a pale hand and drew it shakily across his face. He stepped forward into the light. Sarah saw dark sunken eyes and stubble along his jaw line. "Jason. Jason Manship." He coughed and jammed his hands back into the sweatshirt. He shifted and paced around the front door, his eyes bouncing over the porch and to the street.

Manship? Jason Manship. Sarah stared at the twitchy man and tried to see the muscular boy-next-door she had worshipped in high school. She had lost track of him years ago. Not long after his drug arrest. He had already been kicked off his college football team, lost his scholarship, and dropped out of school. After that arrest, he just seemed to drop out of the Manship family and disappear.

Sarah swallowed and cleared her throat. "What do you want, Jason?"

Jason took out a cigarette and lit it with a cheap disposable lighter. "I was in town, visiting family. Someone mentioned that you were living back here now. Thought I'd drop by to see how you're doing. Think I can come in?" He leaned against the door frame and puffed on the cigarette.

Sarah sent a text to her brother. Jason Manship is at my front door. "Ummm, I don't think that is a good idea. I'm not sure you are Jason Manship. You don't look like the guy I remember. " She licked her dry lips and swallowed to soothe her dry throat.

Jason laughed and pushed down his hood, revealing dark shaggy-cut hair. Dark stubble covered his face and throat. Scabs dotted his face. His smile reminded Sarah of a faded Halloween mask. She could barely make out the cruddy yellow teeth speckled with gaps and sprinkled with decay. "Well, it has been 7 years. I'm sure you have changed too. Do you still wear the mint green tops with mini-skirts? Or the big scarves?

"When I stopped by my parents' house, I looked over at your old house. I could almost see you bouncing down the steps to run after me and your brother. I remember you always tagged along with us. Not that it was a big deal. You were cool. And only a year younger. Everybody liked you. Anyway, I got to thinking about that night at my graduation party. Remember that?" Jason stared at the door.

Sarah nervously shifted from foot to foot. "Yeah, I remember. I was a silly little girl with a case of puppy love." She stared through the peephole and tried desperately to see the warm brown eyes and quirky smirk of the young man she had known. He had lost all of his muscles. He looked like a coatrack wearing a sweatshirt. The meth had eaten him alive. His fantastic ass is probably gone too. The holey jeans hung on his narrow hips.

Jason drew on the cigarette and blew the smoke out his nostrils. His face creased into a greasy smile. "Nah, you were a woman. Too much woman for me. You would have expected more than I could have give you. But that little pink bikini." He shook his head. "Damn, you looked amazing in that thing. I'll never forget how sweet and sexy you looked when you handed me that beer. Like some strange mix of Cinderella and a Playboy playmate. Then you leaned in and gave me the best kiss of my life." Jason shook his head and chuckled.

Sarah flushed as the memory hit her. She had obsessed over him for years before she had the courage to make her move. He had just broke up with Lissa Scott so Sarah knew he was available. She built up some liquid courage while watching him wander around the beach, hitting on girls and hamming it up with the guys. When she saw him slip away in the dark by himself, she waited near the tree line with a couple of beers. As he approached the bonfire, Sarah met him with the beers.

"Your hand is surprisingly empty. Let me take care of that," she said and handed him the beer.

Jason's hand grazed her's as he took the bottle. He leaned in close and hugged her. Sarah shivered at his hand on the small of her back. Impulsively, Sarah snaked her arms around Jason's neck and drew towards him. He stared drunkenly at her. Sarah stood tiptoe and softly kissed him. Sarah felt the warmth of his lips and deepened her kiss, slipping her tongue inside his mouth. Jason slipped his hand below her waist, cupping her buttcheek, and pulling her closer. When their lips broke, Jason looked down and pushed her away.

"Whoa, the booze is getting to me, little sister," and he walked away.

Sarah stared after him, her heart sinking. She had avoided him the rest of the summer. In fact, she had not talked to Jason since that night.

"You know, I think about that night a lot. How I could have had everything, but I let it slip away," he said staring at nothing.

Sarah leaned against the doorframe. "Yeah, right. You pushed me away like I was nothing."

Jason ran his fingers through his scruffy hair. "Because I was scared. You were the real thing, not just some cheap cheerleader looking to bang the quarterback. You would expect more from me than the other girls. And your brother would have damn well made sure I came through." Jason finished off the cigarette and stubbed it out on the doorframe. "I wonder what my life would have been like with you," he whispered, his voice ragged. "I don't think I would have started doing drugs. I would have finished school. My life would be totally different . . ."

Tears brimmed in Sarah's eyes. "You give me a lot of credit." She sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I don't think I am any kind of savior." Sarah remembered how her head had spun and her heart had pounded in Jason's embrace.

Sarah heard tires squalling on the street and saw headlights bounce over the curb and stop on her walkway. A burly man hurled himself out of the driver seat and drew a firearm. "Jason! Put your hands up! Webb County Sheriff!"

Jason jerked to full height and turned to face the headlights. "You called the police?" he cried.

Sarah backed away from the door, wiping her eyes. "Just do what Brad tells you, Jason. This has to end. I know what you did."

Jason froze against the door. "Brad? He's a cop now?"

Sarah yelled, "Just surrender!"

"Jason! There is a warrant for your arrest for the murders of your parents. Don't do anything stupid! It's over," Brad yelled.

Jason could hear other police cars wailing, coming closer. He turned to face the door and braced his hands on it. "You're right. It's over," he whispered. "Sarah, you were my chance to make a life. I blew it. I blew everything. Everything is in ruins, ashes. Nothing. I'm sorry. I thought it would end in an alley with a broken glass pipe or a needle. Guess I was wrong about that too." Jason reached for his waistband under his hoodie and drew a .38. He turned and rushed off the porch, pointing the gun at Brad.

Brad fired two shots, hitting Jason in the torso both times. Jason crumpled on the lawn. Brad slowly approached, the firearm still pointed at Jason. Brad kicked the .38 away from Jason. "Dispatch, shots fired! Suspect is down! Start an ambulance and a supervisor!" Brad holstered his pistol. He checked Jason for other weapons and handcuffed him. "What the hell were you thinking!" Brad pulled up Jason's sweatshirt and found the bullet holes, both on the left side of his chest. Brad started to stand up, to get his first aid kit.

Jason cried, "Don't leave me!"

"I need my trauma kit! I can help!"

Jason cried, then laughed, his bleeding chest heaved. "No, you can't help. Just stay with me. I am going. I know it." He laughed again, blood slicking his cracked lips.

Brad balled up his fists and banged his knees. "Why? Why didn't you just give it up? It was over!"

Jason smiled a rotten bloody smile. "It's over now. It had to end, not drag out in court."

Brad shook his head and dropped back to his knees. "Why did you kill your parents?"

Jason twisted and groaned. "Needed money for ice. Mom finally said no too." Jason bounced with racking coughs.

"Damn it, Jason! Then why come to Sarah's house?"

Jason giggled. "I need money for ice." Jason coughed a few more times, spraying blood, before falling silent.