The Pitch

“Hey boss, I’ve got some ideas for that edgy new line you wanted.”

“Edgy new line?”

“Yeah, last week you said we needed to branch out? Find a way to reach the millennials?”

“Oh right. Sales have been going down, but I don’t know about edgy . . .”

“Gotta be, boss, hipsters won’t go for the sappy, sentimental stuff.”

“Those sappy cards put my kids through college!”

“No offense, boss, but the old folks are dying off and romance is all online now. We gotta make a splash if we wanna get people’s attention.”

“Okay, what are you thinking?”

“Sappy with a twist! Premium handmade papers and Victorian fonts. Soft colors and sepia tones. The look and feel is old-fashioned and then the verse hits you right between the eyes. The hipsters can send 'em ironically!”

“I don’t know, it sounds expensive . . .”

“Of course it is. Like a craft brew. And higher prices mean higher margins.”

“What do you mean about hitting people with verses? That doesn’t sound romantic.”

“Of course not, boss. Millennials don’t do romance, they got apps for that. Look, let me read ya something . . .”

“Roses are red, violets are blue,
so are my balls when I’m not with you.”

“What the hell! That sounds disgusting . . .”

“Can’t ya just see it boss? A beautiful high-end card with a raunchy verse inside. What’s more ironical than that? And, ya gotta admit, it sorta makes a comment about commitment and fidelity. The guy misses his girl so much it hurts. But he doesn’t cheat on her . . .”

“I don’t know, it still seems offensive to me.”

“No offense, boss, but that’s the point. You’re not the target market. Offensive to you is amusing to them. Don’t worry, we’ll put ‘em out under a separate brand name and logo. Your wife will never know.”

“You know, if it flops, I’ll need someone to blame . . .”

“Gotcha covered, boss. I’m thinking the brand can be ‘Whatever’ and the logo can look like a text message. The implication being that one of ‘em sends a card and the other one just says ‘Whatever’. It’s sort of a millennial thing. And if it flops, we'll just say 'Whatever'.”

“Okay, run it by production and let me know how much a limited run would cost. If it sells, you can expand next year. But listen up Jones, this is your baby. If it leaves me with a dirty diaper, you’re the one who’s gonna suffer, understand?”

“Don’t worry boss, you’ll love it, 100% guaranteed!”

“I hate it already. And you run the creative end, too. All I want to see are the financials.”

“Oh man, this better work, I gotta send kids to college, too.”




Author's note: ▼

447 words, entered in the February 2021 round of The Dialogue 500 contest

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The Dialogue 500  (18+) Dialogues of 500 words or less. #941862 by W.D.Wilcox