Pessimist Eye

Nothing's good, even sky changes colour.
I can't tell if I like it here.
Sometimes I feel happiness from within.
Other times I hate what I've been.
I want to scream in frequencies I've never hit before.
I don't want to shrug and giggle. I want to find the reason behind the anger I've stored.
They don't understand my lies.
Tears on my eyes aren't because of insects or flies.
I tell them that I've been fine.
They don't even try to pry.
No one tells me your smile seems off, your eyes are tired or do you have a soul.
There's a lump every time I laugh.
I wonder what it felt like, before in past.
I've forgotten how to be bright, I've forgotten how to be the main character of my life.
Every night I dream of a void.
Maybe that's the void inside me which I enter.
What should I do? fill it with people?